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Your optimal Christmas

Discussion in 'Personal' started by modelmaker, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    I wonder if I can cure you of that, Quijote?

    My sweetheart woke up yesterday morning to find one of her fish had died. She gave it a decent burial to the cat's and garden birds' disgust, sobbed a tear and crossed it off her Christmas card list.

    Today she woke up to find another five had suffered the same fate. It now becomes my problem to resolve, but I have to admit that apart being able to recommend the excellent pub we ate fish and chips in last night at my friend's expense, caught the very same day, both with the fish and getting my friend to settle the bill, that's about the extent of my knowledge of fish.

    Of course, she hadn't kept the receipt for the fish, so there wasn't much chance of getting a refund for them. I looked at the colour of the water they swam in and said "I tell you what, girl, you wouldn't find me swimming in that. Your best bet is to take a sample of it and take it to the shop to find out what they reckon is going on with it."

    So we did, and the man there is very knowledgeable, or at least has the skill to make out he is. he took her sample of water, drew a boxful of mysterious droppers from under the counter, separated her water sample into a couple of containers and dropped drops from his droppers into them. One turned red and the other green. He said it takes a while to work and I had the impression from the tone of his voice that if the red one eventually went mauve she ought to be banned from keeping fish for life.

    Anyhow it didn't and he said she's in with a chance of salvaging the remainder of her aquarium if she follows his instructions and goes back tomorrow with another water sample. He's such a nice man and gives his advice all for free. God knows what it will cost for the remedy, but hey, it's coming on Christmas and if the geese are getting fat, why be unkind to the poor fish?

    So we wait with bated breath whether the others will survive the night or who else might in the spare Christmas cards. If they survive, she's in with a chance and I'll know what to get her for Christmas this year. A flock of new fish. Angels and all. I'll welcome any advice fish lovers have on how to wrap them and how when the cat annoys the dog so much in the midst of the transition between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she won't pull her stocking on in a temper to tear the pair apart, or clout their heads together and inadvertently tread on all her expensive presents.

    I don't know why i told you all the detail when all I intended to do wan have a moan about getting out of the sodding garden centre where the fish expert has his business. There's no tinsel in the pet shop, but you can't move for it everywhere else. The place is lit up like the Crystal Palace with a magical surprise round every corner for kids to trip you up on as they race to explore.

    The garden centre starts off with Christmas trees at the entrance, so that's the only place to pick one up and to get everyone into the spirit, they plays songs that mention Christmas trees. So everyone begins their journey through the magic of Christmas the garden centre has to offer lugging a Christmas tree.There's so much on show to tempt punters that the aisles have to be narrow. You'd have your work cut out if you tried to pass a Yank, let alone a family of four or more with a pushchair and their parents alongside on Zimmer frames.

    And amid it all, there's every kid you'd have given a clout round the ear or strangled running amok.

    There's no other way out of the sodding place until you've passed everything they think you might need, but even that isn't bad enough, because coming in the opposite direction are people battling through the crowd because they missed the shortbread or cheaper wrapping paper on display by the entance but refuse to pay the silly price by the exit.

    You see, I would be doing all this ***** if the fish hadn't died and agreed to be with my sweetheart in case the man tries to blind her with science so he can rip her off
     
  2. Thanks ck. I wouldn't say emotionally close (none of us are touchy-feely-talk-about-your-feelings kind of people) but we saw her when she came round for tea pretty much every week (to my exasperation, at some times in the last few years, like when my daughter was working for her A-Levels and all I wanted on a Sunday afternoon was to work with her on her maths at the kitchen table!) and she was an enormous influence on everything we did - we had so many family celebrations together and we can't believe she has gone.

    AE, what a brilliant post, I'm really glad to read how things have looked up since then!

    Joli, my deepest sympathies. Nothing more I can say. I'm so sorry.
     

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