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Year 4 writing

Discussion in 'Primary' started by forevernqt, May 24, 2011.

  1. As my username suggests(!) I'm not actually an NQT but constanntly feel like one! At the moment I am having a huge crisis of confidence - I'm only in my second year of teaching however I am feeling extremely down about my abilities. I have just marked my chns sats papers and placed the results into the tracker only to be greeted by a lot of 'red' areas - now dreading my pp meeting so much it is making me ill. I thought my chn were doing well so I don't know if maybe I thought they were doing better than they should be or I have under marked them or over marked them in the past? I really struggle at school for any support with levelling as the literacy coordinator is currently off ill and everyone else is so busy and stressed. I know it's a long shot but I wondered if anyone could give these pieces of work a quick look over (even one would be great if you have the time) and let me know what you think level wise - I know its not the best way to level on one piece but at least it would give me some indication as to whether I am along the correct track. I have written them out as the children have. I would be really, really greatful for any advice or help as I really am at the end of my tether and I feel this is making me ill. Many thanks xxx
    Child 1
    Dear Diary
    AS we landed at Rothera research on our red plane we could smell frozen food such as fish and lots more. We got stuck on the iceberg where we landed so we risked our life and swam to land I jumped in the water and out I went. therefore it took us 10 seconds and we all survived.
    When we reached land we walked towards the summer base, I kept on scaring Paul and he quarelled back at me so I stopped and carried on walking, soon we arrived at the summer base and met our friends there.
    The scientists saw us and waved so we sat down with them and chatted for a while then we ordered and I ordered fish and salad. Later, we had to leave because we have plans to find a few adelie penguins.
    Once I saw an adelie penguin I slowly walked up to it and told the team I found one and they were proud of me and looked at the penguins for one whole hour Just before we had to leave all the penguins waddled over to the edge of the iceberg and dunked thereself in with a huge "splash!"
    We then went ice climbing I slipped halfway, in about half an hour we reached th top we stayed at the top for about five minutes then we climbed back down, that took us 30 minutes.
    At 12 o'clock we prepared to film the bright moon that shimmered in the black background (unfinished in time limit)
    Child 2
    One day me and my friend visited anteractica we got there on a red, shiny airoplane. It took us about 4 hours to get there so we brough some fish incase we got hungry to ear.
    At dinner time i had lunch with the scientistd and had a chat with them about penguins about what they live and how they eat and some more stuff. After chatting with the scientists, I went to visit the penguins with my friend called Lizie. We both fed them fish me and Lizzie made a name for 2 penguins 1 called Bob and 1 called Bob the Builder because Lizzie likes him. NExt me and my friend went ice climbing its were you climb up a big ice mountain but me and my friend Lizzie we got half way there.
    Later that day when we was going to our base we heard penguins clapping wich we thought was cute, we smelt fish only because right in front of us was a penguin eating a fish but the penguin was a baby.
    At that moment i felt sick because of the mountain but i was still enjoying myself.
    After my fun day I was tired so I went to bed zzzz all day long.

    Child 3
    Me an Lizzsie went on a little red plane and we played some games to get there. When we got there we went to go and visit the cute little penguins they were that adorable I wanted to go up and hug one.
    A few minutes later, we went ice climbing I sliped on my bum afew times and got a bit wet but later on that day we could smell like a seaweed smell and a poole smell it was grost. Suddenly the cute little penguins came out they all came up to me and Lizzie they were so adorable I finally got to hug one and pick it up.
    Day Two, was a really hot day so me and Lizzie went to get some sun cream so then we can sun bathe and get a tan a really good one but befor that we got some dinner with scientists "yum yum" me and Lizzie said happily after that we set up the cameras for midnight.
    Day three When we walk up we went to go and check the camera Wow at midnight the penguins came right up to the camera one of the penguins had spiks on the top of it head When the sun started to come out the sea was shining like mad we could see dolphins jumping in and out the sea
    Day four, on day fore we had to go back home but befor we went we went on a boat ride to sea the dolphins and then we went home that's the end of my diary for now by

    Child 4
    Whe I was whith Lizzie we went to antarctica we went to antarctica by plane. Once we got to the summer base we had lunch with some scientists.
    Then we went to see some penguins. There were aspecully loads, we were so excited to count them. There were 1 thousand 4 hundred and 39.
    After that we went ice climbing. While we were climbing we both slipped and slid down. So we had to start climbing all over again and while we were climbing we slipped and fell down again. We had to start climbing all over again, and once we got up we had to slide down.
    Then we got prepared to film at midnight, when we got prepared we started to film. A few mintues later we stopped filming. Then we went to bed for a good night sleep/ Then we dreamed about tomorrow. They dreamed how fun it will be. and what we aer so excited ahout tomorrow.
    Child 5
    I got to the summer base I had some diner with the scientists. Hafter diner I went to the ice climbing when I got to the top/ I sore lotes of penuhins although I sore a hol whot the penguins daving in. After that I looked at the penguins I sore a penguin coming aout suddinly
    LAter that day I went to see the penguins when i got to the penguins thety all camen over here. I asked my frend fore my carmer but he lef it bak at the camp.
    it was toing dark so I said we nid to hed back so I went to get the carme it whos a big big whouk back.
    When we fally got back I got my film then a sated filming sun at midnight.

    Sorry for the LONG LONG post (!!!) I know you are all very very very busy but I really would appreciate any help you could offer.
    Thank you, thank you, thankyou!!!
  2. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    First of all, let me say I am in the same boat; second year, lots of children in my class seem to have progressed in their writing but I want to have their papers moderated, just so I know I'm getting things right. So I'm not that good at levelling myself, but I will say what I think and let other people give you their opinions! I'd be interested to see what others had to say, actually.
    Secondly, remember that you can use teacher assessment to inform the grades. You don't have to go purely on what they wrote in the test, as long as writing from their books is largely unsupported and shows a consistent style (like use of commas, etc.)
    Okay, now to the children. Did you put the paragraphs in, or did they? If they did, I am very impressed! Only my levels 4s and some high level 3s do this without prompting.
    Child 1 - 3a for use of punctuation but no particularly adventurous language or a range of connectives.
    Child 2 - 3a/4c for commas, interesting sentence openers and range of connectives (4c if child used those paragraphs).
    Child 3 - 3b for nice time connectives/openers, some adventurous language and attempts at commas/speech marks.
    Child 4 - 2a for range of sentence openers, attempts at commas but no ambitious language or development of ideas.
    Child 5 - 2a for use of connectives and openers but not adventurous language or development of ideas.
  3. Hi, I'm also a second year Year 4 teacher, just finished marking all mine today (woop!).

    I'm the only year 4 teacher in the school but the rest of the KS2 team are all moderating each other's work - maybe if you offered to look at someone else's marking, you wouldn't feel like you were bothering them to look over your's? Just a suggestion, as I find it so reassuring and helpful to get the face to face feedback.

    Child 1:
    Band A3, 4 marks (would be more due to the speech marks, exclamation marks, commas and adverbial openers but I think 5 marks would be a piece of writing that was more consistent for capital letters and full stops).
    Band B3, 5 marks (simple overall structure, chronological order, time references, paragraphs)
    Band C3, 7 marks (number of realistic events, details of sights, sounds and smells, thoughts and feelings, good vocab, some informal language 'dunked' 'splash!')

    Child 2:
    Band A2, 2 marks (because of the lack of consistent capital letters and full stops)
    Band B2, 3 marks (the intro and the conc. would make me say B3, but the events in the recount aren?t in chronological order, which is something I would expect from my class as we?ve gone over and over the Sue Palmer skeletons!)
    Band C3, 5 marks (number of realistic events, details of sights and sounds, thoughts and feelings, some attempt of humour with naming the penguins). Definitely not 7 marks as not enough technical vocab but possibly a 6?

    Also had a bit of a panic about the results of the first few I looked through and spoke to my SMT before marking the rest - they pointed out that the Year 4 writing mark scheme is quite hard to score highly on. They've been teaching longer than I have and I trust their opinions so I'm happy to accept that - not that it affects the results of the tests but I won't worry if my APP is slightly higher than the test results.

    Hope this helps - please don't be ill about it! Maybe arm yourself with evidence from the children's books for your pp meeting so that you can show a wider picture of their writing rather than the one snapshot we get 'judged' on.
  4. Arrgh, sorry about the lack of paragraphs above! ! :(
  5. lardylegs

    lardylegs Occasional commenter

    1 = 3a
    2 = 3b
    3 = 3a
    4 - 3c
    5 - 2a
  6. Hi Do u have any examples for the short writing - what 2 ting they would take and why?/

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