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would you travel?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by moonpenny, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    While I agree that noone should be wreckless in regard to their personal safety by knowingly putting themselves in a potentially dangerous situation,I also think it is important to maintain a sense of perspective.
    The percentage of men who rape strangers is relatively low in the light that it is often a subject in the media spotlight. Most women who are raped are done so by the man they are in a relationship with!
    OK, some men may not be interested in developing the date any further than a quick shag but that can apply to women too. Anyway there are dating websites now aimed at people who are interested primarily in meeting someone for a one off sexual encounter.
    I can only go by myself but I would have little interest in meeting a man unless I felt we would have some common ground and that I felt I at least knew a few things about him and had spoken to him beforehand.
    But that is just me ......plus as I have only been out with 2 men since the age of 19 I am not an expert :)
  2. bfudge69

    bfudge69 New commenter

    What are the alternatives?

    Sorry. I blame Fridayitis for this.
  3. Mrs_Frog

    Mrs_Frog New commenter

    I used to do the internet dating thing, as did a number of friends of mine. We were all very lucky all told in terms of our personal safety, but we had a game plan too. Although we lived in different areas of the country, our 'guidelines' were the same.
    - meet halfway on a first date
    - tell someone where you are going, who you are meeting, and what time you will be back. Useful to include details such as how old they are, and where they say they work.
    - tell that same someone when you are back - even a text in the middle of the night was allowed so that people were not worrying about you in the morning.....
    - google the person you are meeting. I know that sounds a bit bunny-boiler ish, but people can say all sorts in order to bag a date. I found out (before I went to meet someone) that he had lied on his profile, about his job and education etc, I thought what else has he lied about. Never met him. Also found out that people had lied about their relationship status, and that they were still married/co-habiting etc, (electoral roll info, openly available on google)
    - I would expect someone I had planned to meet to do exactly the same,
    Mind you, it all ended up being moot, as I met MrL in a pub while watching the rugby.....Did google him before our first date, and everything he told me was backed up with the publicly available information. I told him as well, and he wasn't openly offended.
    Hope it goes well, take it for what it is, a drink with someone, and enjoy. Oh, if he is a genuine bloke (as many of them are) he will understand about the distance etc if you bring it up.
    Good luck
    B x

  4. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    ****book is one of them.
    So a friend of a friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a friend said. :)
    I was also thinking that if wellard , is well 'ard, maybe she lives in a well'ard area - the poor bloke may be scared about meeting her there.
    I remember once going in to a pub in Headingly in Leeds when I was a student and there was a comic book fight in this dodgy Irish pub where there were two men actually breaking chair legs off chairs by hitting each other over the head with them.
  5. It's interesting too Moonpenny that you bring up the fact that Wellard may be a bunny-boiler....It crossed your mind. [​IMG] I am sure you'd say you weren't sexist either.
    We all know the rapists and bunny boilers to be few and far between....and I am far from hysterical and thinking every man out there is a potential rapist.
    Why take risks? This isn't about sexism...this is about going out and meeting a stranger for the first time...not knowing at all really, what they are like.
    I hope Wellard can meet this chap on terms that suit them both and I hope they have a pleasant date....but to be quite honest, the scenario presented to us in the OP wasn't particularly wonderful or promising. The lack of effort on his part struck me as being rather couldn't-care-less.....which doesn't bode well for a relationship. Her effort, a three hour journey in total, to meet a stranger, makes her sound much keener on him than he is on her. That's how it reads.
    That's all.
    I'd have more self-esteem/pride personally and probably be offended from the off that this bloke a) might get called away from the date, a first date, yet it didn't seem to bother him and b) hadn't even thought to discuss the fairness of the travelling issue.
    That's just me though.....
  6. An acquaintance of mine had a date with a man she met through the Guardian personal ads. She met him in a pub just a few minutes walk from where she lived and arranged for some of her friends to be at the bar just in case it went south in any way. Within 10 minutes of talking to him she had discovered that he was a neo-nazi with very forthright views on all manner of things. Under the pretext of going to the loo she asked one of her male friends at the bar to engage the date in conversation while she did a runner out the back door!

    If your date can't be bothered to make arrangements that accommodate you then it doesn't look like it would bode well for the future.
  7. angiebabe

    angiebabe New commenter

    Why is it dear AE that you can read my thoughts exactly and put them so eloquently? Do you inhabit my brain? Wish I could be as erudite as you my friend![​IMG]

  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I reckon Archy has more common sense than the majority of TES posters put together. Hurray for Archy!
  9. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I agree. hy has this person invited wellard to a date near his home on the grounds that he has to be on call? Nopbody's on call every night.
    My own suspicion is that he has a friendon the other end of the phone who'll ring him and let him off the hook if he doesn't fancy her.
  10. Crystalsecrets

    Crystalsecrets New commenter

    A couple of years ago i was chatting to a man on the internet and arranged to meet in his home town which was over an hours drive away, i didn't think twice about it but did make sure we met in a public place, called someone to let them know i was there etc.
    Those of you who know us will know that i am still lumped with him [​IMG] and i actually moved to his home town to live with him. So all i can say is if you are that worried abotu the travelling then arrange to meet somewhere closer to you. Personally i don't think it matters as long as you feel comfortable and make sure you are safe.
  11. I wouldn't drive that far. He should be suggesting a meeting halfway between where you both live.
    You might be investing too much in this first date. Its not really a date as you haven't met him yet. Its just a getting to know you meeting. I know a couple of people whov've done internet dating. One invested far too much in it and wondered if a man would be 'the one' before they'd even met. The other was quite businesslike and would arrange to meet a man for a quick drink the first time rather than a date.
    The second one met someone, the first didn't.
  12. Those statistics count "date rape".
    Why do you introduce this as if it is somehow related to rape? Or is it just an unfortunate juxtaposition?
  13. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    One point that I haven't seen anyone mention is that if this guy is on call, the OP might find herself abandoned or even stood up. Not a great prospect after a long journey.
    If he wants to meet then it needs to be a night when he isn't on call. Then the meeting can be nearer to the OP's home.
  14. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    My sister was widowed at the age of 43 and embarked on a series of internet dates, much to the alarm of the family. She met her fair share of nutters: one spiked her drink in a public bar, another almost conned her out of several hundred pounds ( we told her to rip up the cheque ).
    She is now happily settled with someone she met on the internet, but be very careful.
    Arched Eyebrow's advice is very sensible.
    Hope all goes well.[​IMG]
  15. I appreciate all of your replies, thank you. I decided not to go and we have rearranged to meet on Sunday during the day half way between where we live.
  16. Rape would be just one of the worst case scenarios.
    Though rare, he might just be a character with any number type/ of foibles or hang ups.
    Gawd knows there are some of those around.
    Best to be safe and keep safe.
    That said, hoping he is a perfect gent and have fun.
    Keep us posted.
  17. angiebabe

    angiebabe New commenter

    Perfect - hope all goes well for you. Enjoy.
  18. Hope it goes well[​IMG]
  19. That's a much better plan wellard - hope you have a lovely time

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