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would you still fancy your partner if ...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by acertainsomething, Dec 24, 2010.

  1. acertainsomething

    acertainsomething Occasional commenter

    Is the question would you still love them? There can be many reasons as to why youmight not fanct them anymore.
  2. Yes - and there would be a reason for a huge increase of weight in a short time I expect.
    I'd encourage him or her to eat healthily and move more, and I'd broach the subject too, but if I loved someone, I'd accept them, warts and all.
    After all - who is perfect?
  3. I've gained some weight lately, due mainly to the fact that I quit smoking - I can't seem to be able to stop eating. I sure hope my partner still fancies me... [​IMG] Otherwise I don't know what I'm doing with him...
  4. acertainsomething

    acertainsomething Occasional commenter

    You called
  5. Yeah, yeah, yeah.....[​IMG]
  6. what if it was just major overeating?
  7. There was an article in the DM earlier this week about weight gain (just half a stone) and partners leaving.
    Have you been reading that?

  8. Phoenixchild

    Phoenixchild Occasional commenter

  9. My husband appears to after pregnancy weight gain... He isn't slim himself, but I have a spark with him, fancy him and love him... if he put on weight he would still be the same person who makes me laugh. smile and feel happy.
  10. That article is a bit scary! Mind you, do the men concerned actually know what half a stone looks like?I can just imagine men being asked and saying in disgust "7 lbs? Ugh, no way ..." without realising it would make little actual difference to how their partner looked.
    I don't think weight gain would make any difference now, although funnily enough I was chatting to someone earlier who is planning to leave her husband in the new year because of his weight - he is 32 stone, though ... Interesting as I guess there is a line: I imagine most of us would not dream of breaking up with a partner over 7lbs, but 4 stone? 8? 12? I don't know where the line would be though.
  11. Ive recently gained over 3 stone recently due to illness and medication and then a broken limb whioch halted all exercise. I dont have a boyf at min but I imagine if I did he would have gone off me by now. Id like to think Im not that shallow but I know I disgust myself at min so can imagine what others think.
    and beforee anyone sdays why havnent I done anything about it I have- docs are in process of slowly changing me medication to stop weight gain and have hired a personal trainer to help mje get back in shape. We start the week after my cast comes off!!! Cant wait to get back in shape and into all my gorgeous clothes!!!!
  12. I don't think that I fancy just whatbmr side looks like, it is more his whole personality. I suppose if he did put on a lot of weight then something would have changed about him and I might change my opinion too, or at least find it hard. But I suppose the real test comes as to what you do if something like this happens. I would like to think that i would support him.
  13. Phoenixchild

    Phoenixchild Occasional commenter

    I suppose if I'm honest I wouldn't find someone grossly overweight attractive, but different people have different ideas as to what exactly that means. I'm imagining huge man boobs, a belly that hangs to the knees and jowels that wobble. That to me is unattractive but just a bit of weight gain, even 4 stone would not bother me. I prefer men cuddly to stick insects, to be honest a man with no backside to speak of who has to winch in a belt to keep his trousers up is just as unattractive. A happy, and slightly cuddly medium to large is my personal preference, I am talking men, notmen bits! [​IMG]
    Though everyone of course has their own preference. A friend once commented on an ex, said he was truly ugly and I could do so much better. You know what, he was on the large side and may not have been everyone's ideal but he could make me laugh, I generally find I'm more attracted to a person than their looks.
    And if you're in a relationship with someone then surely that becomes so much more than looks and size? Ok, I'm rambling, I'll stop now, lol.xx
  14. Nixy I could have written that post myself! [​IMG] In total agreement with you.
    BTW from what I've read in those quality magazines such as Closer and Now it's often when a person loses weight that their partner leaves them.
  15. grandelf

    grandelf New commenter

    Bigger men give better hugs!
  16. jazz2

    jazz2 New commenter

    I did my PGCE with a woman who preferred bigger men - her description was 'like John Goodman'. She duly married a rugby player.
    (She could be reading this - if so - hi!!)
    Have been through far more traumatic stuff with Mr Jazz than weight gain. Can't say weight has ever been a factor in any of the difficult stuff.
  17. I will admit that I wouldn't be keen on someone grossly overweight but I think 'fancying' someone is dependent on the 'whole' package - personality; body shape; physical appearance; voice....... and we all change as we 'age' and sometimes because of illness. I can think of some men that I admire who are active, slim, perhaps even wiry, others who are fuller of figure who are just as attractive. It's the whole person, how well we relate to eachother at many levels, if there is a 'spark', do we have the same values, interests; the ability to laugh but to care and understand too.
  18. acertainsomething

    acertainsomething Occasional commenter

    Maybe I gained 3 stone without looking[​IMG]
  19. As someone who is in a constant battle with my weight I know that my hubby fancies me more when I am slim but loves me whatever shape I am.

    I was horrified on the other hand to discover how shallow I was - he has a serious accident a while ago and was scarred very badly on his face and I found myself repulsed - fortunately I've got used to it (and the scars have faded) but I was really shocked at my reaction.
  20. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    I don't know...
    I'm not particularly proud of this but one of the reasons that I split up from my partner of six years was because of his hair. I know that's shallow and I knew it at the time, but I couldn't get over the fact that he grew it so that it didn't suit him and looked stupid. I felt terrible saying "Change your appearance" (cos if he'd said it to me I'd have decked him) but it got to be more and more of an issue.
    Looking back, I can sort of see that there were other dimensions to it. He started grew it whilst he was depressed, during which time he was pretty awful to me, so it was a sort of symbol for that whole horrible time. And there was the fact that he really didn't care about my opinion of it (I tried very hard not to nag, but I did tell him that I preferred it before) and the fact that he was doing it specifically to be rebellious and to make a statement - even though it looked daft. That was something that irritated me about him in general, and linked into a lot of the other reasons that we split up.
    I know that weight's different, because you have less control over it, but I suspect that my reaction to a partner putting on weight would depend on the reasons for it and their attitude towards it. In itself weight (and hair) isn't particularly important, but if it's symptomatic of something in their personality or attitudes then I can see that being a problem.

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