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Would you marry a man who...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by yapyap, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. So what if I have highlights every week? I pay for those myself.
    If you are in love with someone material goods are trivial. If you are ready to marry someone the ring doesn't matter at all. If someone is going to get precious over a ring then they aren't ready to marry at all and make a commitment to somebody as they have got the wrong priorities!
    Respect and adoration doesn't come in the for of a round bit of bloody metal.
     
  2. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    I must admit I wondered that as well. I don't see what the fuss is about really - and if it's about someone else's relationship it's not for you to impose your values on it, imo.
     
  3. Even if the man isn't good enough for your sister as you imply, there's very little you can do! She'll just have to make her own mistakes, and unfortunately you'll just have to watch. Been there, done it.
     
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    and that can only be shown through buying a ring of which your fiancee's sister approves?
    What a freakingly stupid attitude to display.

    aesthetic taste is not a standard, nor is snobbery.


     
  5. ~No - the point is, I know she doesn't like the ring herself (not that she will say this) but she is so mutable to man she has only known a very short time. She was also engaged last year after a v. short r/ship and doesn't seem to be learning ( and incidentally that was my business since I had to foot both emotional and financial costs) Of course I haven't said anything to her about it - twould only push her away.
    PFF - I wasn't attacking you for the highlights, merely pointing out that you had a standard to maintain.
    How many of you think 'It's the thought that counts' when it comes to gift buying? This ring shows no thought. Thats all I'm bothered about, if she liked big rings, or I knew there was money being spent on other extraneous stuff by him, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
    She is my sister. I worry.n't
     
  6. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Nope, still coming across as bitter snobbish b1tchery.
     
  7. I didn't think you were attacking, just couldn't see the relevance of it in a thread about an engagement ring!
    It has nothing to do with a standard I have to maintain anyway!
     
  8. Henriettawasp

    Henriettawasp New commenter

    Who needs an engagement ring anyway (unless to pawn in a future where money is tight) ? Mr W and I managed without one. I was also treated to the - oh so romantic - 'Shall we get married then?' 'Sure, why not?' [​IMG]

     
  9. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Up to you if you choose to do that.

    I still think it's none of your business, and you should let her get on with it. Why bother yourself about a fellow adult's choice of ring? And yes, it does come over as snobbery.
     
  10. Of course I'm going to let her get on with it! With lots of love and support as well. Just like the last time she decided to get married after a couple of months.
    Interesting that my suggesting a gift isn't good enough is snobbery -yet if I suggested it was o.k to make your friends favourite sweets and wrap them in pretty paper as a birthday gift if you were feeling short on cash, would be likely to be received well.
    Incidentally, it's not as easy as being 'up to me' but that's another story. Seriously - you all think it's reasonable to be engaged to a man you've known two months when they have proposed with cheap tat you would never even get close to choosing yourself?
     
  11. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    So this thread is actually ***-all to do with the ring, is it?
     
  12. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Only interesting if you you are discovering this for the first time, and I find it very unusual that you regard an engagement ring as a 'gift'
     
  13. Ring is symptomatic of a wider issue. I don't want to judging any relationships that moved quickly and worked well, but I do think, that if you don't know someone well enough to observe their style of jewelery and have a go at that, and if you are going to buy a ring, at least make it something you have to work for, as opposed to something you can just pick up in town, then you aren't ready to be married yet. Some people in two month relationships might have been able to manage this. Some people aren't all that into 'romance' and don't need a ring or one-knee proposal, but she is, and if he wants to marry h.er he should have known that
     
  14. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Whether the engagement is reasonable is not for you to judge, imo. Neither is the ring. She's an adult and the one getting engaged.
     
  15. So not a gift? Then what? And why do you have to be grateful when someone has put no effort in?
     
  16. Fair enough Sooty - and as I've repeated, I shan't be mentioning my concerns to her. However I love her and am concerned (and ever so slightly tired of tidying up her messes). I just wish she would have a go at learning from her mistakes, hard as I know it is for everyone - but she does do them so dramatically!
     
  17. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Then it's up to her to make her feelings known. Not up to you to involve yourself.
     
  18. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    The ring is symbol of their union, not a gift.
    Some questions for you yapyap:
    • Why is the effort so important?
    • Why do you feel love has to be a chore?
    • How do you know no effort was involved?
    • Why did you not consider that he might have deliberately chosen something different from what she normally wears to clearly differentiate this important symbol from her other jewellery?
     
  19. I know - but she won't, because she is incredibly submissive to any man that shows an interest, almost completely voiding herself of personality for their pleasure. This is troublesome, and it is upsetting that I can't help her, and all I can do is watch her get hurt again and again, in exactly the same patterns. My fingers are firmly crossed that she has finally managed to find herself a decent fella by accident, but I doubt it, as she sells herself far too short. And, as I said, I shan't be doing anything about it except worrying on the sidelines.
     
  20. Ah - ok.
    a)effort is important because I think it is ridiculous to choose to marry someone who won't make an effort for you. b) Some elements of life are difficult, as are elements of love, if you don't have enough passion to show that when you are well off and in the first flush of love, then how are you going to cope with two kids and no money? c) If he genuinely did try (mebbe) then he is so far off the mark, that she should be questioning the speed of this and maybe having a break while they get to know each other better. D) refer to C. That isn't what she has ever wanted, and I don't believe her long held ideal of a ring has changed because she met a new man!
     

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