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Worst day

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Dazzle1953, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. Hi, I'm not so sure why I'm posting here, except I have read lots of advice on here over the last couple of years, and I have no where else to turn...

    My mum was rushed to hospital today, she had taken a major overdose of depression medication and morphine- its pretty clear she had tried to kill herself. She has been diagnosed with bi-polar for the last few years, she's not had the greatest time of it; bad childhood, post-natal depression (she has tried to hurt herself before after having me), my dad died 10 years ago, her dad and my uncle a couple of years later, all in all she has not been in a good state for a long time. However, she has managed to retain a highly paid banking job with many responsibilities, and has met a new partner- on the outside looking in she has always seen like a very happy person!

    Her bi-polar has had many ups and downs, a 'bad' down just 2 weeks ago, over mainly money- one part of her bad cycles is that she hides her finances and I believe has got herself very badly into debt! Both my brother and I tried to help and she seemed to be doing better- made a budget plan etc. We had a good (if slightly busy) Xmas day, followed by boxing day chill out and I saw her briefly yesterday- she had friends over and said she was finally going to enjoy a day off with a drink...
    This morning my step-dad found her passed out, the paramedics came and amazingly knew exactly what she had taken (we found the packet of morphine hidden in the bottom of the bin) she has been rushed to hospital and is currently in an induced coma to help her breathing!

    I don't know why I'm posting except to ask, has anyone else any experience of such things suicide/depression? How can I help- family and hopefully mum if she comes through this? How do I get over the shock and utter disbelief/guilt/anger that this has happened? And also what do I do about school next week- I know this will be ongoing but not sure what to say :(
    Thanks for reading

  2. I was looking for a post of mine and happened to come across this. No advice I am afraid but didn't want to read and run. Answering this will bump it up to the top, I am sure you will get more responses then; also - you could try posting on Health for more support?
  3. Hi

    not really any advice just wanting to say, thinking of you and really hope your Mum is ok

  4. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    How are things dazzle?
  5. lrw22

    lrw22 Established commenter

    Just wanted to echo what has been said on here. Thinking of you and take care of yourself. Don't worry about school just yet, leave that for next week.
  6. Have you asked at the hospital about support that's available to you and your mum? Put school to the back of your mind; your doctor would be sympathetic if you felt unable to return to work immediately. I'm sorry I can't be more help but I am thinking of you. Sending a hug x
  7. I would suggest that you need to get more long term practical help for your mother. I am certainly no expert but my boyfriend's mother suffers from bipolar too and has had serious bout of depression over the years (with some periods of time spent in hospital). I know that she is now on some very strong medication and this appears to keep her on an even keel (sp?). She has never been ill since I have been with my boyfriend (which is about four years) but her medication is regularly reviewed (and she continues to take it).

    Try to talk to your mothers doctors about the issue and get something put in place to support her. If you feel that you need some time off work too then get yourself signed off and concentrate on trying to sort things out for you and her.

    I do hope things get better for you. Mental health is really misunderstood in this country and not given the priority it should be...
  8. munchies11

    munchies11 New commenter

    Sadly my sister committed suicide so I can understand the utter shock that you must feel. She was successful and none of us saw it coming so I can't really offer practical advice in that way. Possibly once she has woken up and you are able to explain the pain that she has caused and how life would not be the same without her and that you want to help her get better she may regret her recent actions. Please take the time you need off work as the decisions you make now in supporting your mum, you will have to live with, and work will manage without you. Sorry I'm not much use but I can remember the pain and complete shock and I found talking about it helped to make sense of it in my mind- or as much sense as I could make. My thoughts are with you and I wish you luck with getting your mum back on track x
  9. Thank you so much for all your kind replies.

    My mum has come through the worst- something I'm sure even the first docs who saw her are in disbelief over!- I know we are very lucky to just have her come through it! She is now off intensive care- the forced 'coma' seems to have helped her body come through the worst of it! She is still obviously in a bad way! She seems to have a very painful arm still- maybe where she fell or was layed while she was passed out- the doctors have scanned it and it's not broken but are now concerned about clots!

    I think the worst thing is lack of understanding- like you say people really don't understand issues with mental health so I'm having real difficulty explaining what has happened to people- ie she's not just a 'selfish' person looking for a way out- she nursed my dad through 2 yrs of cancer and knows what that did to us, I can't believe she has done this is any right mind!

    The hospital has said very little, being over the holidays she won't see any mental health worker until next wk- and I can already 'feel' her hiding what she knows about what has happened and what we can help her with etc!

    Ahhhh happy new yr eh! I'm going to ring my HOD tomorrow and hopefully put that out of my mind!
    Thank you all for your support! Xxxx
  10. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    My mum did the same a long time ago. She survived and is still alive and kicking.
    At the time I was furious and expended too much wasted energy being so cross.
    It's the ultimate in selfishness but the person can't help it and you mustn't take it personally. Every time you feel angry wish the person you are angry with health and happiness. Wish yourself health and happiness too and don't neglect yourself. Feed yourself properly etc. and if you normally go to the gym, for example, still go.
    Take one day at a time. Don't even think about what you'll say in the future. If necassary take one minute at a time.
    When school arrives again and you don't feel able to return that day don't go. Go back when you are ready and visit your doctor for a absent note. The whole World will stay ticking over anyway.
  11. Hoping you are coping dazzle and that your mum is getting the professional help she needs , try not to feel completely responsible for your mum . Having known several people who suffer from bipolar, each one manifested in different ways, it's definitely chemical and I'm afraid they can resort to completely irrrational behaviour.....a close friend of mine was devastated when her friend had been to stay one weekend and appeared completely at peace with the world and herself, only to commit suicide 2 days later...she agonised for months aftrewards over signs she might have missed etc etc
  12. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    Your mother's story and background is so similar to that of my OH, who has attempted suicide on at least two occasions that we know of. Following family therapy, he said that when he tried to kill himself it was because the feelings he had were so unbearable that it seemed the only way out. He said there was no point in him considering anyone else's feelings because in his mind there was no alternative and he attempted suicide fully wanting and expecting to succeed.
    So you think it is your fault, you blame yourself, you beat yourself up over things you said or did, or didn't say or didn't do; you can't understand what has happened and feel you should have been able to prevent it - but there is nothing rational or logical about an illness like bipolar disorder; to survive as a carer you need to accept that the course it takes is outside of your control.
    How well do you get on with your step-dad? Both he and your brother will be experiencing similar feelings to yours, and it would probably help all of you to share those feelings.
    As others have suggested, the help/treatment your mum needs right now may not be something you and the family can provide...sometimes all you can do is let her know you are there and care for her.
    Talking about it helps, as does posting on here; I had counselling arranged through my LEA (wasn't very keen on the idea and thought it would just make me feel worse but it did help sort out my feelings). As for school, it really depends on you - I found I had to keep on teaching because it gave me something to hold on to, but I did tell my school what was going on and there were a couple of occasions when I couldn't go in and they were brilliant about it. If teaching is your crutch, hold onto it - if it is making things worse, let go until you can cope with it.
    Remember to look after yourself in all this; it's very easy to neglect your own needs while trying to sort out everyone else's problems.
    Stay strong.
    Lalad x

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