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Worst day ever...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dearlouise, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. dearlouise

    dearlouise New commenter

    Have been a viewer rather than a poster for some time, but today has pushed me to.

    I've officially had the worst day ever & I think it might be the straw to break my back!

    I have a 6th form BTEC class & they're the typical BTEC students - jack the lad types who always mess about/have a laugh. I treat kids in 6th form in quite a relaxed way as long as they play ball, quiet when I ask, meet deadlines, act maturely when it's important & know where the line is. Otherwise I'm not particularly autocratic with them... it works. Well, it has for the last 3 years. They often engage in 'banter' or 'having a laugh' mostly with each other, but sometimes they do throw a little my way, and sometimes I throw some back! I think it builds good relationships with the kids. I know that's no everyone's style.

    There's a student this year who, socially, he doesn't grasp 'the line'. He continually 'looks' for arguments, I tell him off quite a lot because he crosses the line & is inappropriate... it doesn't work. I tend to not engage with him unless it's formal. But he gets annoyed that I don't shout at other students... well that's because they don't do x y or z.

    Today he started arguing and I'd had enough so I told him to go. Short story is he kept refusing, I said I wasn't teaching the class until he left & another student must have said 'just go' or something similar, his response was "no, she's a fat b!tch". He was sitting quite smug and didn't know I'd heard him. So I marched over to him and said 'use your skinny legs to leave my room... now' --- still said no. So I had to call for cover to pick him up and take him away.

    I however got called into the deputy's office after school who in a nutshell has told me, I shouldn't treat 6th form any other way, I should treat them like I would Year 7, I showed poor judgement in retaliating to his comment by saying he's got skinny legs (he hasn't... no that it matters - the comment wasn't personal) as he's complained about me saying that, also that he's complained about some 'banter' that was flying around the classroom (mostly by his peers) from about 4 weeks ago... and he has basically twisted it so it looks like I said something about his Mum. As if. Deputy is investigating what I apparently said... formally... despite it clearly being a case of 'oh my gosh I'm in trouble, I called Miss a fat b!tch so I need to try to get out of it by plucking something out of the sky that could help me'. Deputy says lessons from tomorrow should be strict as punishment to the students for 'this is what happens if you don't tow the line' & DEPENDING ON MY STATEMENT punishment will be issued to the student.

    I've never felt so unsupported. I think I'm going to write my statement along with a resignation letter. I know it's passed half term, but if I'm so god damn awful I'm sure they will let me go at Christmas.
  2. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    Your deputy is a **********.
    les25paul and cissy3 like this.
  3. Findlotte

    Findlotte Established commenter

    6th form classes are always known to be more relaxed, it's a time where they're responsible for their learning and presumably want to be there. I think it's more embarrassing on his behalf being taken out of the lesson by on-call - that's what happens to 11 year old students, not 17/18...

    Regardless of whether it was true or not, they have to investigate into what was said or they're not meeting their duty of safeguarding. Saying that, no, it doesn't seem like you're being supported...but that's what unions are for, right?
  4. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Another incompetent member of SLT... so many about these days.
    cissy3 likes this.
  5. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    I understand how upsetting it is to feel unsupported. Keep as calm as you can on the surface. If you can refute these trumped up allegations then there will be more options open to you. Good luck.
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  6. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    They have to investigate but you haven't done anything terribly wrong, although even for a sixth form class the comment you made to the boy was inappropriate/unnecessary in my book.
  7. dearlouise

    dearlouise New commenter

    Unfortunately I couldn't keep my cool and wanted to let the little smart-**** know I'd heard his vile comment. I assumed this would actually put the edge on the demand of get out of my classroom... but it didn't.

    He was able to bare-faced call a teacher a fat b!tch *AND* remain in her lesson... Kudos to him.

    Of course I agree with you in that it was unnecessary. But we're not all angels are we.
  8. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    From the way you describe the kid's behaviour it sounds like he is on the autistic/ADHD spectrum, but as schools do not like to acknowledge these things because it costs them money they do nothing.
  9. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Regardless of the nature of his offensive remark and your unwise response (which we all make from time to time), it's fair to say that some students can't cope without clearly-defined boundaries. Some expect you to be a hard ass and consider it a sign of weakness or failure to deliver if you aren't. Others will only feel secure within a predictable routine - the price you pay for being more informal is you'll rarely win these people over. You can't please everyone.
    grumpydogwoman and lindenlea like this.
  10. Yoda-

    Yoda- Lead commenter

    Write your statement now.

    Leave any other actions until you've calmed down and thought through the consequences of resignation.

    Whatever the student and Deputy have done to push your buttons, they will not care if you resign.

    You have to make sure you look after yourself and your decisions are in your long term interests.

    "The mind is everything. What you think you become.”– Buddha

    Ultimately you must try and put this " Worst day ever" to one side emotionally and make your decisions when you can think clearly and rationally.
    cissy3 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  11. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    Not, not angels, just human. However, I see a difference between, say, a small swear word slipping out and actually insulting a pupil. Yes, his behaviour has been infuriating and distracting and not that of a Sixth Former, but you are the adult here and the teacher. Anyway, regardless of my views on your mistake, I hope that his "allegations" are proven to be unfounded and you can just get on with the business of teaching the pupils who wish to be taught.
  12. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    I say write your resignation letter, it mightmake you feel better. Maybe even write two versions, the "F*** you" version and a politer, more professional one. BUT DONT HAND EITHER OVER until you've had adequate time to think this over and talk it through with friends/family/colleagues/union reps.
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  13. dearlouise

    dearlouise New commenter

    You can hardly say I insulted him! Jesus. If I wanted to insult him I'd have called him a skinny tw4t & F OFF out of my classroom. Might have even got in his face and said this screaming at him. But I didn't. Because I didn't want to insult him.

    I wanted him to understand I'd heard him so he would suddenly think, oh she heard, I'd better leave to not make the situation worse.

    Think it's best we agree to disagree & hope we never work in the same department as we clearly have contrasting views on many things. Good day to you.
  14. cuteinpuce

    cuteinpuce Star commenter

    You made a deliberately derogatory comment about his personal appearance. That's not an appropriate way for a teacher to get the attention of a pupil.

    You lost your cool. We all do that from time to time but, as has been suggested, this isn't a serious misdemeanour on your part. The important thing is that don't exacerbate the situation now. The Deputy will carry out a formal investigation, you have to write a statement. I would suggest that you show your statement to a trusted colleague before submitting it.
    Sillow likes this.
  15. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Noja likes this.
  16. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Star commenter

    Presumably at the same time as they are checking on what you did they are also severely punishing the pupil in question for his bad behaviour. The two needn't be mutually exclusive, but that never seems to be what happens.

    When did everyone become so wet and sensitive, that a teacher wasn't allowed to make a mildly insulting remark when a pupil is vile?
    cissy3 likes this.
  17. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    Thing is, to say that to the student was daft perhaps, but it doesn't change what was the situation in the class. There was a student being deliberately disruptive, refusing to leave the room, calling the teacher names.

    Would the teacher have received the full backing of SMT had it not been for the daft response? Sadly, I doubt it. The teacher's comment will just give them an excuse to either blame someone else or just fail to deal with the lack of discipline.
    cissy3 likes this.
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I had to bite my lip once when I was given the 'fat' line. "Well, I may be fat but I'm not stupid like YOU, ya thicko." Can't say I wasn't tempted. He wasn't a nice lad. But I didn't.

    In your case @dearlouise it slipped out. Oops. It wasn't the worst. If SMT don't like the way you handle the group they should have let you know long since. If they haven't then it suggests your approach is fine for that group. I know exactly what they must be like.

    Your standards slipped. Hands up. Apologise. Move on. SMT are doing what they always do. Over-react. Run round like blue-bottomed flies.

    "Yes, I shouldn't have said that. Yes, I'll examine my practice with a view to making some changes."

    Then go back and do what works but don't back down on SMT doing something with the lad for refusing to leave the lesson.
    cissy3 likes this.
  19. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Apart from the occasional saint amongst us :rolleyes: we have all been where you are now, life is too short to get strung up about it, write your statement and take union advice then switch off.
    When or if you are hauled in, treat the proceedings with the contempt they deserve but do not show it.
    During my first teaching position my HoD (a wise old sage) gave me some sound advice:
    "Sometimes in this job we have to consume our own smoke".
    cissy3 likes this.
  20. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    Because making a negative comment about someone's appearance isn't a nice thing to do?

    I can because you did. However, I did also say:

    and I really hope the boy is punished for his behaviour. SLT let too many things go these days and that's why boys like this think it's okay to behave like this, when it's not.
    cissy3 and grumpydogwoman like this.

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