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Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by chemistry2111, Jan 1, 2008.
Just to add my sympathy too annie. It's even harder when unexpected. Thinking of you xxxxxxx
Oh dear just tried to post and lost everything I wrote- I guess I am out of the way of posting so am writing it in word this time!!!
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> Annie- I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It must have been such a shock to you all and each day must be very dark for you. Sending you much symapathy and lots of hugs because words aren’t enough. xx
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> Lalad- How did your dad get on with his scan. You’ve had a tough time with getting your parents into a home. It must be emotionally tough but it will free you up to concentrate on the extras for your mum and dad rather than the necessary jobs. Make sure you look after yourself too. xx
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> GTA- good to see you are still on here. It seems such a long time since we were on the thread everyday. How are you and yours? xx
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> Non- your posts still bring a smile to my face- still scurrying around I see. Hope the family are all well. Have you been to the hospital recently? I am supporting a friend in London with breast cancer but unfortunately she has secondaries. I have been a frequent train traveller to London since September. xx
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font> Love to everyone
I can write more now, I was on my phone with the last post and it takes forever. I am ok but been a bit poorly. Have to go for a barium enema next week which I am terrified about. Am sure the thought of it is probably worse than the procedure. I am hoping there is nothing majorly wrong. Doctor said she isn't 'worried' but I have had these symptoms on and off for the last 9 years which were put down to diverticulitis/diverticulosis. She said it is about time we confirmed it for definiate. You still worry though don't you?
Family are good. Eldest just passed her MRES degree with distinction so am a very proud mum. She is taking a bit of time to think about what to do next. She was offered a PHD but has decided that she may do that in the future but not at present. Youngest still at college but applying for uni next year. She is hoping to do costume design and so desperately wants to work in theatre or television producing wonderful costumes.
I can't believe I have been posting on this forum for so many years now. It is 3 years since my dad died and I found this thread and the people who posted on it so supportive and caring, especially you Margie
Thanks for those kind words. We were all going through tough times and it wasa really special bond that we all had and it made an enormous difference to us all getting through each day. Baby steps! You did your dad proud with all the love you gave him, I can picture him now on all those little trips you made. A store of memories for you. How is your Mum?
Sorry to hear about your health problems and I am sure your mind is all over the place about it. I guess its an unpleasant procedure and you won't settle until you know the results but your GP sounds reassuring . No words really help however when its you having to go through it. Big hugs. Please keep us posted.
Well done to your girls. Proud mum indeed. The time just flies by doesn't it. Can't believe that my grandson is 16 months old. My girls are all fine. Youngest is buying house in Surrey and still working for the FA.We went out to Germany and watched the team play in the world cup in the summer. Middle one has now settled after her painful split from her partner. She has a new job in January in the autism unit in her school. She's full of cold and poorly at the moment and despairing about having to get ready to move out of her classroom and get a new one ready. Always easier over the long summer break! Guess we could all be busy! and I think I said that the eldest is expecting twins in March.
How is school for you?
We have finally had the results of the scan and it has knocked me for six. The past few weeks have been difficult anyway as I had to move my parents out of one residential home and into another, and then my dad had a heart attack on Christmas day and is still recovering from that and pneumonia in hospital.
So I went in to see him today and they have had a case conference in the hospital following the scan, the outcome of which is that they want to operate as soon as possible and because of where the cancer is growing back they will have to remove his right eye - which is his better eye - meaning he will lose most of his sight. Basically they are going to try and build up his strength this week to ready him for surgery next week.
I am finding this very difficult. Having watched my brother's deterioration there is no way I would want my dad at 86 to go through anything like that but at the same time I cant bear to think of him losing his eye and going through another operation under general anaesthetic with all that entails. I haven't said anything to my mother yet, partly because she has a chest infection and is now extremely hard of hearing so wont be able to hear me anyway, and partly because I just dont want to have to tell her something so awful.
And I don't really know why I am posting because I know there is nothing anyone can do about it but I feel so churned up by the whole thing.
You sound as though you just need to share those worries somewhere.So here's a cyberhug
So sorry Lalad! No words of wisdom - just wanted you to know I am thinking of you!
Just logged on at this unearthly time (1.30am) and saw your post Lalad, just had to say I'm thinking of you and your Dad, (and Mum) -that is an awful worry .... I do hope that they can get him sorted out as best possible under the circumstances...lots of (((((((hugs)))))) to you
and Greenteaaddict -fingers crossed that your checkup went OK. Not a nice thing to go through either. Hope you feel OK soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Brains not too wideawake for a better post tonight, really must have a go at saying a proper 'hello' in the morning..... I do often think of you all despite not posting...just somehow got out of the habit of actually posting, can't explain why, mainly idleness and lack of application I think.New Year's Resolution I think!
I am so sorry to hear of your dad, it's an awful thing for him to go through and for you to watch. I just wondered how he felt about everything? It sort of reminded me of the situation with my dad. He had a terminal brain tumour and the surgeon said that he could perhaps give him 6 months with an operation to remove some of it. My mum and I discussed it with the surgeon but I wondered what my dad thought about all of this. I arranged for the surgeon to come in on the Saturday to speak to my dad alone. I know my mum would have influenced him and I wanted him to make his own decision...it was sooo hard. We were there waiting to support him afterwards. He decided he did want the operation and wanted to fight to the end but I would have supported his wish had he decided enough was enough. I know this is hard and you want to fight to the end for him but what does he think? I hope you aren't offended by me saying this but sometimes I think the patient gets overlooked in these matters. A lot of the decisions would have been made about my dad without him being there and I think that is wrong. I really really feel for you and please share your worries on here it does help to talk about things. I found the support on here amazing when I was going through the loss of my dad.
Non thanks for asking. I haven't had any formal letters back from the enema but it was a radiologist who did the x ray who of course is a qualified doctor who actually writes the report and he told me immediately after the test that he had seem diverticular disease. He said that everything else looked ok at a glance but would need to study in more detail. I have an appointment at the end of the month with the consultant so am assuming there isnt anything else otherwise surely I would have heard something. I feel loads better in myself and think that the clearout before the enema has sorted me out for now lol. Just for the record if anyone reads this barium enemas are a piece of cake...don't google!!! It is totally painless, dignity preserved at all times and the only discomfort is from trapped wind afterwards because they blow you up like a balloon lol.
Thanks for all your messages x
It's really complicated Greentea, because my dad gets quite confused sometimes and also tends to focus on what is best for my mum, not what is best for him. I think at the moment she would rather he didn't have more invasive surgery but he is more concerned about not leaving her on her own, so would rather have the op if it gives them more time together. We feel that he might not survive the op in any event, so they are more likely to have each other for longer if things are left as they are.
My brother and sister put these concerns in writing to the consultants at the hospital yesterday, and it has now transpired that, possibly because of the number of different departments involved in my dad's care, and even though they are all based in the same hospital (the one where he is now) ,the multidisciplinary team making the decision did not in fact know that he had been brought in to Coronary Care following a major heart attack and is now recovering from that and pneumonia! It is yet another example of the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing. The oncologist has now contacted us to apologise profusely about the confusion and to say that there is obviously no question of him having the operation so soon after recent events and while he is still recovering from the heart attack.
In view of this, they have contacted the residential home to see whether he can be discharged back there this weekend and all the signs are that this will happen. They are also going to allocate him a Macmillan nurse to monitor the growth and support him with pain etc.should that be needed, and the consultant will see him again in a few weeks time. Huge sighs of relief all round.
My dad was just the same I still to this day think he fought the battle for my mum not for himself. There is a lot to be said for good palliative care. I know with my dad the operation didn't give him more time at all. Within a month of the operation his tumour had grown back even bigger, am sure all the messing about didn't help. Along with that he had intensive care, physio etc to go through and then measuring up for radiotherapy which was awful for him. Along with that I felt it was false hope for him. He thought deep down that by them operating he might beat it and that was never going to happen I knew that, the consultants knew that.
Macmillan can make things so much better for them and make the most of the time left. Ours was brilliant and I just wish we had had her earlier. They are there for the whole family so make sure you get to meet her and get her number etc. They seem to be able to get things organised so much better and they are brilliant at the pain relief, much better than the doctors. I remember ours telling the GP what my dad needed and he just sat there writing the prescriptions without any question. She also kept dad's spirits up and although never giving false hope she was upbeat and made dad so comfortable.
I will be thinking of you all xxx
GTA, I am glad to know you have a bit of info already, hope it gives you some peace of mind already whilst waiting for the full report. Take care xxx
Lalad, that is good news about the Macmillan nurse support, they are so specifically trained to see it from the patient's point of view and may give some immensely useful suggestions that doctors haven't the time or, dare I say it, the experience in practical nursing and patients' personal circumstances, to come up with.
Grr I think my brain is addled again tonight. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the grammar in that last sentence right. I think it hasn't helped that I took an antihistamine to stop me sneezing after starting an ultra-early springclean in the ' kids' '(?19+min) newly vacated (postChristmas) bedrooms.
Hope you know what I mean,anyway.
Thinking of you all
Hi non and greentea x Just wanted to say that my parents are back together again now after yet another scare just after I posted last time - we really thought he wouldn't last the night but he is such a fighter. The stay in hospital has obviously done him a lot of good and he is looking really well now.
Aww that is such good news it will make him feel even better being with your mum. How are you coping?
I'm ok thanks Greentea x
Been thinking of the WS crowd a lot lately - wanted to pop in and say Hi to all - hope you are all well.
How are things Lalad?
Big hugs to you all!
Hi all x My dad is doing reasonably well, but he has been having very heavy nosebleeds so has been referred to the Ear Nose and Throat department for which the next appointment isn't until June! I am going to contact the Oncologist again though because I think it could be linked to the cancer. He is having to decide whether to go ahead with an operation to remove the rest of the cancer, which is in the area just below his right eye, and will also mean surgical removal of the eye, or whether to keep things as they are, which means the cancer will keep growing. Problem is that the nosebleeds could mean that the cancer has already spread beneath the skin to the area around his nose. Fortunately he is very philosophical about the whole thing and my mum says he has to do what is best for him, while he just wants to do whatever makes her happy! On the plus side, the residential home is great, so at least they are being well cared for while they decide.
So pleased to hear things are going well (under the circumstances)
Hang in there!
Lalad, thinking of you.
up for Geffone