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worried sick

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by chemistry2111, Jan 1, 2008.

  1. Hi have posted on here many times as been having problems with stress for last few months, started anti depressants and they seemed to be starting to work. Ive posted by a different name as dont anyone to know who i am with this topic.
    My partner was diagnosed with lung cancer just over two years ago, he had treatment and it cleared up, thing is he has started to get symptoms again exactley the same as last time, he put off telling me as its been xmas and we had been arguing recentley, but he told me a few days ago and now all i can do is worry, I know its doing no good and he hasnt even been able to get to docs yet for tests, but am so scared. we not telling anyone untill we know one way or the other which makes this harder in a way as can't even woice my worries. need your help and support.
     
  2. Hi have posted on here many times as been having problems with stress for last few months, started anti depressants and they seemed to be starting to work. Ive posted by a different name as dont anyone to know who i am with this topic.
    My partner was diagnosed with lung cancer just over two years ago, he had treatment and it cleared up, thing is he has started to get symptoms again exactley the same as last time, he put off telling me as its been xmas and we had been arguing recentley, but he told me a few days ago and now all i can do is worry, I know its doing no good and he hasnt even been able to get to docs yet for tests, but am so scared. we not telling anyone untill we know one way or the other which makes this harder in a way as can't even woice my worries. need your help and support.
     
  3. I don't have any magic words of comfort but I just wanted to write in and let you know you are not alone - I am thinking of you at this difficult time. Hopefully you will soon be able to get those tests done. Just remember that the two of you got through it once and can do so again.
     
  4. tryingtoteach

    tryingtoteach New commenter

    so sorry to hear you have had a bad start to the new year. just wanted to send you hug. it will be hard not telling anyone - especially for you as im sure you dont want to worry OH any more than he already is. could you confide in 1 close friend so you have someone to turn to? its a cliche but try not to worry, although im a fine one to say that! just get to docs asap and take each day as it comes. even if it has come back, which we all pray it hasnt, there are lots of successes out there and at least he has known what to look for this time so it can be caught early. just remember that the symptoms may be caused by something else, but your obvious reaction would be the cancer has reaturned, but this may not be the case. sending you lots of positivity and keeping my fingers crossed for you. let us know what happens xxx
     
  5. am trying desperatley hard not to worry and make other excuses for the symptoms but its hard. like you say we've been here before but I'm not sure I'm strong enough for this again, i've been struggling enough with my own problems without having anything extra. I feel I should be strong for him but Im not. i hate this
     
  6. I think you need to get some emotional support for yourself in this asap - can you access the employee counselling service most local authorities offer to employees - it is short term, free and confidential and can be for any reason - ring your LA ask for occ health and take it from there.

    I think if you have some totally independent, non judgemental support and help it will help you to be able to support him and take care of your own needs.

    fingers crossed it is not as bad as you fear but for now all you can do is try to put support in place asap so you can get through the waiting with as much support as possible
     
  7. Spent most of night awake crying and worrying. apart from the emotional side I worry about the practicalities of looking after him and working, last time this happened he started treatment in july so lots of it was in the summer hols and after that I was doing my PGCE so was able to take time off uni without too much trouble, what will happen with work? am i able to take time off for this or am i expected in when im so upset and have to leave him alone and unwell? we don't have anyone to help on a regular basis. Also money is a worry if he has to take time off (not covered by life ins as this was a condition that he had already had and we knew could reoccur). Sorry I know Im ranting and its not even confirmed yet but these are the kinds of questions running through my head and any advise would be great.
     
  8. I don't know what the legal position is but you could ring your union and ask them. Don't tell them that you don't actually even KNOW what's wrong with him yet.
     
  9. casper

    casper New commenter

    You could ring teachersupportline too for you.Have you got friends family to help you out. Try to take a day at a time, it is natural to worry. Presumably you have completed your NQT year and you are on main scale? Take lilly's advice and get in touch with your union.

    Thinking of you, keep in touch.
     
  10. I think it is a good idea to get in touch with your union as they might be able to help out financially if the need ever arises.

    Sounds like you need a break for yourself. I know that may sound harsh - but you need to take care of you, too.

    I hope he is ok.
     
  11. booked an app with GP for next week (makes me mad that there is such a delay!) so is going to be a few weeks I would imagine until we know whats happening one way or other. Hate the thought of telling anyone as hate the pity that goes along with it. Last time we only told our very closest friends and family (even by brother wasnt told) I know that we were told it could come back and so kind of expected this but still not prepared if that makes sense? Having such a nightmare time and trying to prepare for new term now :(
     
  12. AckyWacky

    AckyWacky New commenter

    ((((chemistry2111))))

    This is my first time posting on here even though I have followed a few threads... including 'just found out I have cancer'.

    This is such a rollercoaster and a minefield of emotions. I understand your worry that some people will offer pity instead of support but... I found that speaking to people helps so much. Those who matter will know what to say and do and be there as a sounding board when you are unable to speak to OH. My hardest times were when my OH was diagnosed with secondary cancer this time last year. I'm feeling very fragile again too as tests show something else going on .... they suspect a second type of cancer! Find out on Tuesday. I hope you find a way soon ...

    ...know that I am thinking of you x
     
  13. AckyWacky

    AckyWacky New commenter

    Sitting here working on lesson plans for starting back on Monday and thought of you. Are you managing to concentrate on anything? Try and keep busy.

    Good advice from a very good friend when I was feeling particularly low - couldn't see a way out for a while - was to take control of the things I could control and try not to let the uncontrollable things consume me. I can't control OHs cancer or his treatment but I can control my reaction to it. I've turned into a hyperactive idiot and fill every minute with tasks ... waiting is the worst. Once you know one way or the other it is easier to deal with. Try to put it away until you have to deal with it.

    Still thinking of you x
     
  14. Thanks for your support Acky, can't concentrate mentally on anything at the min. have planned my first week back but can't get round to marking! am trying to keep active physically - keep my body active, cleaning, tidying etc. xx
     
  15. AckyWacky

    AckyWacky New commenter

    Don't know what I did wrong but last post didn't make it!

    Glad you are keeping busy. Hopefully it will be easier when you are at school. Holidays are great but too much time to think isn't good... take care and anytime you need to vent ... (don't keep it inside, I did that last year and almost made myself really ill).

    My OH has an appointment with oncologist on Tuesday. Think we are facing bad news again. Getting more than a little wound up again - I hate hospitals!!

    Acky x



     
  16. Am kind of looking forward to work i must admit because as you say it gives something else to think of. Will be thinking of you on Tue, hope the news is better than expected, am on here quite often if you need to talk (could swap email address if you wanted to keep things private?) Know what you mean about hospitals, I hate everything about them, the smells, sounds and all the anxiety.............
     
  17. AckyWacky

    AckyWacky New commenter

    I remember reading a poem called "Visiting Hour" a couple of years ago and identifying completely with the poets' feelings on hospitals!! My OH says he doesn't like them cos they're full of sick folk ...

    Can't swap e-mails as it would identify me. I will keep in touch on here. What day does your OH see doc? I presume it is just a GP appointment so you won't find out much?? The wheels turn so slowly don't they? Chin up. x

     
  18. in these cirumstances you should have an IMMEDIATE appointment for your OH - did you tell them the cirucmstances - do they not operate an 'urgent' appts system?
     
  19. AckyWacky

    AckyWacky New commenter

    CC

    That's where most of the stress comes from ... waiting. Experince has taught me that if I (and OH) are to cope with the emotions involved in juggling 'normal life' with the enormity of being so ill, then there has to be some acceptance of the situation. That doesn't mean compromising on care - the treatment OH has had so far has (mostly) been excellent. Once in the hands of an oncologist again things should move faster. When we found out over 2 years ago that OH had an aggressive form of cancer, we were beside ourselves with how slowly things seemed to go. A day can feel like an eternity. It is important to be sure of the diagnosis because embarking on the wrong treatment at the wrong time is dangerous. Every little pang of pain and OH is convinced he has another tumour. I think it will always be like that for him - learning to live with those fears is difficult. I remember how raw I felt when it came back second time, we had just settled down again and thought he had it licked!

    We have suspected that something has been wrong with OH since July (he was just recovering from last major surgery). It has taken until now for them to tentatively put a label on what is happening since results have been confusing. 6 months is a long time to live in complete panic. It is about puting in place coping mechanisms - for me that has been to confide in good friends - especially at times when I don't want to drag OH down with my stress. Everyone has to find their own way.
     

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