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work vs life

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by eac902, Aug 31, 2011.

  1. eac902

    eac902 New commenter

    Hi apologies for long post- have not posted on this forum before but have been reading regularly since oh and I started ttc in may and feel you ladies might be able to offer advice. The issues I have might be more relevant somewhere else on here but am actively ttc and am hoping someone else has had some experience!

    I'm struggling with work at moment, have been questionning whether I need to change jobs for the sake of my sanity. I've started back this term facing some poor exam results and lots of questions to answer. I'm have been hod for 1 Year, teaching for 4, managing a dept that has been through a turbulent time in terms of many issues including staffing. Left work today in tears so overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done in terms of prep and trying to pick myself and team up from disappointing results. At times last year I felt I was struggling with this role and circumstances, but was persuaded by smt that I had their full confidence (and still do- not being blamed for results, but expected to do a lot of extra work to get to bottom of situation).

    In addition came off bcp in march, have had only one natural cycle 50 days, now over 100 plus days into 2nd cycle. Actively trying but seeing little point in expecting much at moment. Lots of bfns, just waiting for af to arrive and feeling quite down about this also.

    So confused and lost- so much want to start our family but am feeling so much stress at moment I can't see it happening. Worried about leaving a job I used to love to face unemployment, but not sure if things can carry on as they are. Any advice greatly appreciated!x
  2. *Hugs*. Just wanted to share my experiences, although not sure whether they will help or not.
    I was a primary school teacher (Early Years) and loved the job to begin with. About a year and a half ago I felt just how you have described. Although I didn't have the pressures of being HOD, or low exam results (as such) I was in a school in a difficult area, with Ofsted expected any day, and the pressure was certainly on. I was crying a lot, having panic attacks, and no longer enjoyed the job. Also started having recurring nightmares. I decided I needed to take a break from teaching, but it was a difficult decision. I was worried about being judged for giving it up, worried about taking such a paycut (I moved to a nursery and now work as a nursery nurse), and just generally worried if I was making the right choice. I took the plunge, and felt so much better. The anxiety stopped, the nightmares stopped, and I started to enjoy work again. It was absolutely the right choice for me. However, I wasn't TTC at the time.
    If you have bene following the TTC thread, you may know that I have been struggling again recently. I feel the same as I did before, and feel that my place of work are making some very rushed decisions, and putting the pressure on us to have things done yesterday. Also received a verbal warning for something I don't believe was my fault, and although I did inadvertantly make a mistake, I feel being told off for it 3 times was a bit excessive. I am currently looking to leave, and looking for a complete career change this time, but it is a scary decision. Have just started seeing a counsellor which is helping. Perhaps this might help you? It allows you to work through your concerns you have, and hopefully end up making the right decision for you. Maybe things will improve where you are, maybe you need to consider a new school, or maybe a career change would be best.
    I know TTC makes things tricky as well. I keep thinking, what if I leave y job for a career break, or new job, and then that is the month I fall pregnant? Then i won't be entitled to any maternity pay. However, OH is doping for a payrise tomorrow, so then it might not be an issue, but I still worry about it. Also wondering if stress could be preventing me from falling pregnant each month. Who knows. All I would say is don't rush your decision, but at the end of the day you have to do what is best for your health, and the health of your future baby.
    Good luck!!
  3. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    I'm not sure I can help, but didn't want to read and run and thought I'd offer my feelings on the matter.
    We've been ttc for 18 months now with no BFPs. The short story is that I have had the relevant checks and they've come back 'normal' and OH has yet to have a SA, though this is on the cards for some time soon. August's BFN does not back up my theory, but I have been contemplating leaving my job in case our infertility is down to stress/tiredness etc. I'd pinned my hopes on August as I'd be relaxed and it was the one month in the year that I could throw everything at this 'project', but it seems it was not to be. However, that's not to say that I need longer with limited stress conditions in order for it to have an effect; who knows!
    I feel for you as ttc is at best hard work and at worst down-right soul-destroying. I'm lucky in that I could in theory afford financially to give up and do supply, but what you don't want is a whole set of new stresses linked to a lack of income.
    I hope you reach a satisfactory conclusion and I wish you lots of luck on your ttc journey!
  4. eac902

    eac902 New commenter

    Thank you both for your replies, I cannot say how much help it has been reading the forum getting lots of useful information about ttc (or getting ready to ttc, did a fair amount of 'lurking' as one poster put it to find out about it before oh and I agreed to start trying).
    CB- thank you for your honesty about your situation, it sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment and I hope it works out. Moving from the primary teaching role sounds like an incredibly difficult decision, can I ask how your oh felt about this at the time? Mine is generally very supportive, but also wavers between trying to remind me to get things into perspective, saying that I do a great job blah blah and generally not to let it get to me so much. I am inspired and reassured that you made the move and it was the right thing for you, I wish you so much luck x
    Toe- I think I have quickly realised and overcome my insane naivety about how ttc would be straightforward, and also very much am feeling like my stress could possibly affect my chances of conceiving, whether it is now or when (hopefully) my cycles finally settle down. I know that we've been trying for just a short time, but as you picked up on the whole job security/ pay issue has to come into the thinking about trying for a family. I think as teachers we are somewhat programmed to tackle these things as projects, aren't we- its so hard to take the relaxed approach as many others have stated before!! I hope very much that you are able to move forward with your ttc journey, and that in the meantime you are able to make the right decisions for you about your work.
    If anyone has any advice or experience of such crazy cycles after coming off bcp I'd also be very interested!

    ps oh has just switched on tv to a programme called 'getting the balance right' on this very topic- very apt!
    hugs to all who need it xxx
  5. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    Yes, I caught the second half of that too. Very interesting!
  6. becky70

    becky70 New commenter

    Sorry - this thread is getting quite old now but had a few days away from TES so only just seen it.
    I have been in a similar situation to yours - trying and getting nowhere with ttc, really hating my job. In the end, my hand was forced because my confidence went, I started failing my lesson observations (after more than 10 years teaching with no problems, I should add) and my head wanted me out. I was really very ill and should have got myself signed off or moved on to another job before it all came crashing down around me.
    Some years later there is still no baby and may never be one but I have a teaching post I love now and more importantly I have my life and my health back.
    See your GP about your cycles if they don't settle down soon and try to keep work in perspective. If it's making you really unhappy then you do need to move on - not just for ttc but your general health. Some people will conceive no matter how much stress they're under but if you don't then bear in mind that infertility is stressful in itself and you need to take good care of yourself. I'm just starting my second cycle of IVF - no way could I have done that in my old job. Hopefully, you won't get to that stage, of course.
    Good luck and keep us posted.
  7. eac902

    eac902 New commenter

    Thought I'd add an update- after a lot of soul-searching I have decided to leave my post (handed in notice two weeks ago). Have got OH onside after having a really good chat about it all- I don't think he really understood before how bad I was feeling about work. I don't think in our jobs you can just grin and bear it forever!
    Feeling absolutely terrified about not finding work, but also incredibly excited about the idea of trying something new and the relief it brings me to know I only have to hang in there for a little while longer at my school has given me back some energy.
    becky did consider what you said, about how you probably should have considered getting signed off for stress as I knew things weren't right, but definitely now feel like it'd be too little too late and I'd just sit at home agonising over how things were going wrong in my absence/ all the hassle I'd have to come back to!
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me, might have to join the ttc thread now :) x
  8. I really agree with you all. I feel like work totally dominates my mind and I can't stop having stress dreams. I work so hard and have had promotions and good results against adversity in the past but one year's bad results had led to me feeling like a failure. I didn't apply for threshold this year as it is based on performance management targets I couldn't meet because of a number of issues that were out of my control and I was too busy managing supply teachers and fixing problems other teachers created before they left. Really anxious now that if I apply for another job in the future that will look odd and they will question it.
    Have decided that I will be a childminder as the money is pretty good and I'll at least get to be my own boss and be with my babies if my pregnancy works out (v early days). I really can't see me returning to teaching at this rate, and I loved it for the first few years.
  9. becky70

    becky70 New commenter

    Good to hear from you - glad you have made a decision. Good luck with ttc and sure you will find a way to earn money without being too stressed.

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