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Wish I'd not Said Anything Now

Discussion in 'Personal' started by disguise, Jan 18, 2012.

  1. Bit of a long winded story and I am probably being silly but my sister called the other day and said Mum had asked us both to chip in on her birthday present and was I ok to do this and how much could I spend. I said yes that was fine and she made some sly remark about how Mum had instructed her not to spend much because I didn't have much money and how this comment had annoyed her since she also didn't have much money. This put me out a bit because my sister has 3 kids and one on the way, her bf does not live with her and she basically lives on support money from the government. And she gets lots of it too for various reasons. So to say that (whilst I agree she probably doesn't have much compared to me) annoyed me because I work bloody hard for my money and should be able to spend it on what I like but instead she was making remarks about how I'd just got a new car etc. I happened to mention this in passing to Mum the next day (how I was a bit annoyed at my sister's comment). I now wish I hadn't. Mum and this particular sister are 3 days apart in birthdays and more alike than they care to admit. Mum is now angry at said sister (in fairness said sister has also managed to annoy several other family members in one week). She has promised not to escalate the situation and I have said to my sister that Mum meant for us BOTH not to spend much. Mum called me this evening and was clearly still annoyed at my sister. I always feel guilty regarding my Mum and so I called her back to ask was she doing anything for her birthday but she seemed still a bit short and curt. I realise a lot of this is my fault I should have kept my big mouth shut but I honestly didn't expect this reaction. I simply had mentioned what my sister said because it had annoyed me and I was sounding out to Mum. Now I wish I'd said nothing and feel that I may have started WW3. I feel like having a cry!
     
  2. Bit of a long winded story and I am probably being silly but my sister called the other day and said Mum had asked us both to chip in on her birthday present and was I ok to do this and how much could I spend. I said yes that was fine and she made some sly remark about how Mum had instructed her not to spend much because I didn't have much money and how this comment had annoyed her since she also didn't have much money. This put me out a bit because my sister has 3 kids and one on the way, her bf does not live with her and she basically lives on support money from the government. And she gets lots of it too for various reasons. So to say that (whilst I agree she probably doesn't have much compared to me) annoyed me because I work bloody hard for my money and should be able to spend it on what I like but instead she was making remarks about how I'd just got a new car etc. I happened to mention this in passing to Mum the next day (how I was a bit annoyed at my sister's comment). I now wish I hadn't. Mum and this particular sister are 3 days apart in birthdays and more alike than they care to admit. Mum is now angry at said sister (in fairness said sister has also managed to annoy several other family members in one week). She has promised not to escalate the situation and I have said to my sister that Mum meant for us BOTH not to spend much. Mum called me this evening and was clearly still annoyed at my sister. I always feel guilty regarding my Mum and so I called her back to ask was she doing anything for her birthday but she seemed still a bit short and curt. I realise a lot of this is my fault I should have kept my big mouth shut but I honestly didn't expect this reaction. I simply had mentioned what my sister said because it had annoyed me and I was sounding out to Mum. Now I wish I'd said nothing and feel that I may have started WW3. I feel like having a cry!
     
  3. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    I'm sorry to sound harsh, but how old are you?
     
  4. What does this have to do with it?! And generally I find when people say 'I'm sorry but...' or 'No offence but...' they are generally not sorry or do mean offence. If you are referring to whether or not it is mature to be so worried about upsetting someone, I'm afraid I have always had this guilt as far as my parents are concerned so that's unlikely to ever change
     
  5. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    I was trying to soften my reaction.
    I think you're being incredibly childish here - taking offence at your sister because of what she did/didn't say and then bellyaching to your mum about it and expecting what? That she'd take sides. I bet she's mightlily fed up that her birthday is causing such a fuss.
    What would you say to two year 7 girls who were in the same she said/she said scenario? Because that's what it sounds like.

     
  6. kittylion

    kittylion Established commenter

    Try not to worry too much and try to act puzzled if anything hits the fan.

    Your sister didn't tell you your Mum's remark in confidence did she? If not then why should you not make an innocent observation? Your sister said what she said and your mother said what she said. Just leave it at that and look astonished if they get annoyed with each other. "But isn't that what you said?" "Do you mean I wasn't supposed to tell x about y?"

    If they want to disagree let them get on with it.
     
  7. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    "Wish I'd not said anything now"
    - well I think quite a few of us agree with you there.
     
  8. No, I didn't want her to take sides, I was simply pointing out that it had annoyed me. the only reason my sister had said it in the first place was because my Mum had initially said something to her. If my Mum had said 'I don't want EITHER OF YOU to spend a lot' my sister wouldn't have gone off one one. So I was simply making a point to Mum that she didn't need to single me out. I have moved on from what my sister said mostly - to say I took offence is a bit OTT, it was more of an annoyance. My sister has a habit of saying things like this and as I say I am not the only one she has annoyed this week. My issue is now that Mum is annoyed and I do take some responsibility for that as per the title of my post 'I wish I hadn't said any thing'.

    I'd listen to both points of view and then help them settle their differences. Which is exactly what my sister and I have done.
     
  9. Then don't read the post! Honestly, why do people read posts and then get annoyed at the content - just don't read it in the first place!
     
  10. Thanks. I'm not worried about it hitting the fan TBH, and even if it does I will be quite honest about what I have/hadn't said to each of them. My family often get me keeping secrets as the youngest (on that side anyway as I am oldest on dad's side) and it drives me nuts so I now refuse because when the proverbial hits the fan it's usually me (having kept their secrets) that gets it. So now I refuse to. If either of them ask what I said, I shall tell them!
     
  11. chubbyone

    chubbyone New commenter

    Can see both sides here. I absolutely love a certain relative of mine ( husbands sister) who only contacts when she is after something, wanting to club together to buy a present etc. She seems to think that because we both work that we are rolling in money as she does not work. We pay a mortgage, she has rent paid for her, we pay full council tax, she pays a reduced rate, we pay bills on time etc, she goes to court for non payment and then pays a pound a week, we have one mobile that is used for emergency, she has a mobile which she uses to be on the phone for an hour!!! Just because we work does not mean we have loads left, once she said all she had left was £50 at the end of the week to go out?!? Can not remember the last time we had £50 left to go out! Am I being childish?

    But then it does sound childish, but may be the straw that broke the camels back!!!! It is the week where according to the media is the gloomy one. Just smile, stay calm and embrace being a child I say!!!!! Life is so much simpler when you are 7!!!!
     
  12. Thanks. I'm glad someone can see my point of view but as I said before, my sister's comment is not really the issue now. The issue is that I am annoyed that I have potentially upset Mum. Perhaps upset is the wrong word. But you know what I mean.
     
  13. Honestly, why do OPs get huffy with posters who tell them they are being childish and immature?
     
  14. I'm not. I am perfectly happy to be told that and up until a point, agree. But people who moan that I have a voice and post on an OPEN forum, really need to investigate what 'open forum' means.
     
  15. mandala1

    mandala1 Occasional commenter

    It works both ways! If you don't want negative opinions then don't post!
     
  16. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I've never understood why some people feel the need to pass on what has been said to them when what has been said has the potential to upset the person it's being passed on to. It always seems to me that they're looking to cause problems and I'm never certain that their innocent 'didn't mean any harm' is sincere.
    OP, it seems that your sister and you haven't moved on from the kind of relationship that siblings often have as children. I was one of 4 and we often indulged in this kind of thing.
     
  17. To be clear - negative opinions are welcome. My issue was with the person who seemed to have an issue with ME posting. In any case I am tired of stating the same point. Accept it or not, as you wish.
     
  18. Hi Seren, long time no speak/type. Actually you couldn't be more wrong. This particular sister and I were the closest of all my siblings as kids and she was like a 2nd mother to me. It's as we have aged that we have grown apart. By contrast, my other sisters and I have got closer. I had no intention of upsetting my Mum and had I known I might I wouldn't have said anything. but no doubt people won't believe that - hey ho.
     
  19. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Your mum said something to your sister, presumably in confidence - your sister then repeated this to you, presumably in confidence - you repeated it back to your mother.
    What possible reaction other than the one you received did you bloody expect? Childishness and selfishness are ugly traits in the nursery - coming from adults they are just pathetic.
     
  20. Trust me when I say my sister didn't say it to me in confidence. She has said this and similar before. Mum too has said the same to my face so that was not in confidence. Childish, perhaps, selfish, no. But to pick up on another of your points - childishness is an ugly trait in a nursery - surely that's exactly what you EXPECT in a nursery? Not that we are in one... Cue the 'could have fooled me' type comments.
     

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