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Why does Christmas bring sadness as well as happiness?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by oldsomeman, Dec 12, 2015.

  1. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    About this time of year I find a form of sadness descends upon me. I start to remember all the folks i once knew or loved,now gone or departed from this life.
    I remember all the happy times they brought to my life and those who where my friends , the parents who strive to make life happy and the fact i can celebrate with them only in my head.How ca one really explain aabiout time places and folks who they have never meet or know about.
    I miss primary school and all the joy that this time in year used to bring.The smiles on the children's faces, the staff happy that one season was finished. The cheer around the staff room table and schools decorated for the festive season and in deed the staff outings of the past and some of the 'adventures' past :like our lot nearly getting thrown out of a Chinese restaurant because our sing along got out of hand...especially when the head beat a retreat early.
    PS before you all think I am depressed I am not...its just the time of the year that i remember a lot of things.
  2. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Be thankful that you remember more things than you forget!
    Noja likes this.
  3. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    Gless half-full vs Glass half-empty.
  4. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Who honestly believes Christmas is only a time for jollity and happiness? Probably only innocent litte children.
    For many people it's a time of great loneliness as they sit alone, spouse/family gone or absent and because it's a common perception that everyone else is with family and having a great time, even lonelier!

    For many it's spending time with relatives who don't exactly get on all the time and having to 'keep the peace'! Children may have to take second place to grandparents demands or family members.

    Children often do not enjoy the 'traditonal Christmas dinner', teens are often bored with too many adult expectations.

    Mums /cooks are often frazzled as evrything takes extra time to cook as everyone is using their ovens. Others can probably add to the list?
    So perfectly natural to feel sad olds.
    InkyP and midnight_angel like this.
  5. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    'They that walk in darkness shave seen a great light'.
    Dragonlady30 likes this.
  6. Grabthar

    Grabthar Established commenter

    Christmas is for kids. If you're not a kid or don't have young ones, it can be pretty naff. That and the fact it starts too early nowadays, and goes on too long.
    Didactylos4, InkyP and midnight_angel like this.
  7. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    All the above plus- the shops are full of false happiness, "you MUST be happiness", and "you should be making a simple 'Sunday roast' into something from Masterchef"

    This of course is compounded by the 'Are you ready for Christmas yet' brigade.
    cissy3, phlogiston and midnight_angel like this.
  8. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I think the midwinter can bring melancholy. The dark mornings and short afternoons deprive us of the sunlight that lifts our mood in the summer or if we holiday in sunny places.
    phlogiston and Flere-Imsaho like this.
  9. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    This time of year is a natural time of reflection. In an agricultural/nomadic herding society it's the time to hunker down for the long winter nights and tell stories about the ancestors and gods, or ballads about tribal heroes.
    In more modern times as the year winds down we do remember people who are important to us who are no longer here, and the festive times when they were. And I guess as we get older we understand them better and wish we could say now what we couldn't then.
    It doesn't have to be sad per se although it carries a kind of pang - I am sure there is a German word for it. But it does mean that you have lived!
    phlogiston likes this.
  10. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    Shaving in the darkness is bound to make you sad.
    oldsomeman and RedQuilt like this.
  11. Eureka!

    Eureka! Lead commenter

    cissy3 likes this.
  12. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    I love Christmas and always get very excited looking forward to the holiday from work, about how absolutely wrecked I'm going to get and all the brilliant films I'm going to watch. So, I'm positively eudaimonic from here on in.

    But, yesterday I was out the back and saw my neighbour sat on his doorstep playing with his mobile phone.

    I was enthusing about Christmas and he was very glum.

    Well! the neighbours on each side have very complex lives by my reckoning. On the left is a man of forty-two going out with a woman of sixty-two who is really lovely and lives a platonic life with her husband and visits my neighbour at the weekend.

    On the right is a man of thirty-eight who has left his wife and two children and is now seeing two other women who seem to alternate between visits to him.

    Both these men are constantly suggesting I "get out and about" and meet a woman. I've been on my own for most of my life and, at fifty-five I've no partner and never created any kids to bring into the world.

    My sister is three years older than me and she is a great grandmother! She is also always telling me to get out and socialise and "meet a woman".

    My sister has been married twice and has two daughters by the two different men. One daughter has repeated that pattern to a tee.

    So all these people are out there scrogging and making other people and causing mass chaos on an overcrowded planet while I just sail along alone and am vey happy with my lot.

    But they will keep saying "go out", "go out and party". "meet a woman" etc.

    And then when you actually meet up with these people they're hollow shells with no grounding in literature or music or art or filmic technique.

    Anyway I'm happy and looking forward to Christmas all alone, though sadly, I do have to go out a few times over my two week holiday from work, the majority of that two weeks will be spent here all alone with the curtains closed.

    It's wonderful!
  13. Eureka!

    Eureka! Lead commenter

    Is that a fishing line?
  14. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    It's cod psychology on my part.
    Eureka! likes this.
  15. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    And, more to the point, still are living
  16. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    Enjoy it whilst you can.
    You may not get many more chances
  17. Jude Fawley

    Jude Fawley Star commenter

    But seriously folks. I suppose it's sort of acceptable in a way that there are all these masses and masses of people on the planet and I only want them all to be content and happy but sadly, so many aren't.

    I've always found it better to be a bit retiring when it comes to socialising. I go along and am polite and then I make my excuses and leave.

    (Here's that Fawley again pontificating and boring us all to tears. I'll clear off in a minute.)

    It's pretty amazing that in a massively crowded world we can still find solitude and peace if we are lucky enough.

    The key is to engineer things so you don't have to have too much contact. Contact brings stress and I think it actually causes physical illness to be juggling all these demands all the time.

    Better to have total peace and tranquillity if you can attain it.

    If you just live alone and keep things simple it pays dividends.

    My car is a good example. The interior is spotless and tidy because no one else ever gets in it. The back seats and passenger seat are unworn. It's lovely.

    Likewise, the house is really simple because there's only me. It's brilliant coming home after work and just walking into all the tidiness and order.

    I see families and they just seem to be constantly talking to each other and trying to wrest control from each other.

    Why bother! Just junk the lot of them and live alone. Don't marry or court, never have kids and don't go outside too often.

    Holidays like Christmas are a joy when you know there's no one you have to please or defer to.

    Everyone needs time to contemplate the fundamentals of existence and a holiday time is a good time to do this.

    Ideally you should be doing this 24/7/365.

    This Christiopathic view of the holiday being about celebrating the birth of a child is all wrong. It should be about getting the crops in the barn, getting your chores all done, locking up for the foreseeable future and chilling out.

    But then there are millions upon millions unable to do this.

    I really do feel most fortunate to be in this position.

    I've run homeless hostels and worked through Christmas dealing with people in crisis but I'm getting too old to be doing that now.

    I'm being totally selfish and locking myself away from the world. It's a crazy luxury. But I must say it's very nice.

    Merry Christmas everyone.

    Keep the contact to a minimum if you can.
  18. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    Contentment with your own lot is the secret of happiness, too many people seem to think that attainment of a new "lot" that they aren't really up to is the secret however.

    I've left teaching a year now (next week), I used to enjoy the camaraderie of it and thought I'd miss it, but it doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as I thought it would. I have arranged a Christmas outing next week of former colleagues that I'm looking forwards to.

    I do like Christmas the way we used to have it a few years ago and miss it from when the boys were young and excited. It's as commercial as you want it to be, I don't really understand why people go on about that aspect so much, just ignore it. I hate shopping so don't wander round shops unless I absolutely have to, therefore the commercial aspect passes me by. I miss the week-long very elaborate secret santa we used to have at school and can imagine the delights of having a primary class at this time, though the Ofsted-Grinch seems to have stolen (stollen - what a wag!) that to some degree.

    Glass half full/empty as someone said. Be happy for lovely memories and focus on what you have now - as opposed to what you don't have.
    coffeekid and phlogiston like this.
  19. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Because expectations are too high.
    Enforced merriment never works.
  20. phlogiston

    phlogiston Star commenter

    I love Christmas - partly the Christian festival with all that means, partly all the good singing, partly the meeting with family and friends.

    It can be time of false expectation - no coincidence that Samaritans are having one of their busy times of year. The tinsel and enforced jubilation sometimes bring out the "bah humbug" in me.

    We shall be sad, but also remembering with affection the lovely neighbour with whom we spent a lot of time this year who died earlier in the year.
    Mangleworzle likes this.

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