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Who can tell the best boring story (borey)?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Orkrider2, Aug 10, 2019.

  1. Doglover

    Doglover Occasional commenter

    I can make that more boring...
    “So I said to him, “what do you think you might like for your dinner now?” And he said, says he, “well I’m not sure I really know”. Well I said, says I, “indeed and how can you not really know?” and by God says he, “well I’m just not sure I really know...” “well what about a wee fish supper?” says I and he said, says he, “sure now, didn’t we have that yesterday...” “By God, I do believe you’re right” said I, “what about a wee drop of that curry instead?” He said, says he “oh but I don’t think I could eat thon curry sure my stomach wasn’t right for days the last time I had that! Sure a wee sandwich and a cup of tea in my hand would do me just fine...” “Not at all...” I said, says I “sure now a big man like you has to eat more than a sandwich and a cup of tea in your hand...” “Aye well...” says he, “whatever you think then, anything will do me...”
  2. Jolly_Roger15

    Jolly_Roger15 Star commenter

    Once, on my way home from work, I left the car on a garage forecourt, ready for servicing then next day. instead of posting the keys through the garage letter box, i put them in my pocket and walked home. When I went to open the front door, I saw that i still had the car keys, so i had to go back to the garage, to drop them off.
  3. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Wedding receptions. Sitting for a whole afternoon and most of an evening at a table full of people I don't know I will always try to zero in on the quiet person who has the most obscure interests and quiz them about it for as long as seems reasonable. I will happily engage a dedicated anorak on any given subject in a social hostage situation where I have time on my hands.

    Why? Anything to avoid ****ING WEDDING RECEPTION SMALL TALK. If you can't do proper talk where people are somehow enriched by spending their time with you then either shut up or **** OFF. In fact don't go to wedding receptions at all - they're way too long for your inane blather.


    Oh by the way, I've finished my waste pipe clearance - I tell you, the moment where the drill-powered flexible probe wedged in the elbow joint.... (Continued on p94)
  4. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I feel the story of my typical work day would qualify.

    I got up... I ate what I considered a healthy breakfast... I put on clothes remarkably similar to the previous day. I drove the same route to work. I got in about the same time and I did planning and marking. Children turned up and I taught them. Sometimes to relieve my boredom I'd entertain/bully/shout at them. Then I'd go home... read... sleep and then repeat.
  5. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I got bored just typing this.
    sodalime and cissy3 like this.
  6. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    We have named a recent acquaintance "Nutshell". If you have the misfortune to be cornered by her, she will drone and rabbit and go all around the houses and finish by saying "...so, in a nutshell..."

    We hide from her.
  7. Jolly_Roger15

    Jolly_Roger15 Star commenter

    My mother did the same. She would start on long involved monologues, during which, through a long series of 'knight's move' digressions, she would stray so far from her point (if she ever had one) that even she would get lost in them. These were all the more stressful for her listeners, as she sometimes delivered these monologues in an aggressive, interrogative way, peppering them with, "Don't you think?" "Are you with me? "What would you have said/done?", which meant you could not just tune her out.

    My mother had almost an obsession with coincidence. Frequently, she would launch into very involved, tortuous and difficult-to-follow stories, which ended with, "Strange, isn't it?," "Would you credit it?," or "...so both of them knew someone who drove a Triumph Herald. What are the chances of that?"
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2019
    blue451, sodalime, cissy3 and 4 others like this.
  8. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    One - serious - fear I have since entering teaching is I may have become as boring as those I attack yet with a total inability to see it.

    Why? Well let's face it, no other professional does 'boring' as much as teachers.

    We sit through staff meetings despite wanting to boil our own heads and die when there. Sure, the wise of us do not listen and turn off but from time to time the absolute nonsense gets into your brain.....and maybe takes over?

    I did start saying 'so how do you think you can improve this?' all the time and ' I am such a team player' ......and worryingly, that was to a poor Tesco shelf packer who quickly and understandably made a run for it.
  9. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    This is the quality content I’m after
    sodalime and emerald52 like this.
  10. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Not bad. But actual things happen. Minus points for that.
    sodalime and emerald52 like this.
  11. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I was tired so I went for a nap.
    sodalime, cissy3 and emerald52 like this.
  12. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    In modern parlance... Tl;dr
  13. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    cissy3 likes this.
  14. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    I have a lovely pal who does, after a few sherbets, get a bit long winded. I tend to drift off until she says ‘ to cut a long story short’ when I make a noise of agreement/ disgust/surprise, as appropriate.

    Those male journey stories fill me with despair as do the football analysis conversations. ‘ I mean, the ref was right out of order. It was definitely a penalty. ‘
    sodalime, mothorchid and cissy3 like this.
  15. MrMedia

    MrMedia Star commenter

    I got a letter from my bank, but it turned out to be just updated terms and conditions which I promptly binned.
  16. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    People who tell you about a film or tv programme they've seen:

    ''well first of all there was this man, and he seemed like a nice man at first, and he's just walking along this street but, anyway he wasn't, because as he's walking along, and you think he's a nice man, he suddenly gets a gun out and then, you don't know what's going to happen because you think he's a nice man but you don't really know and then, as he gets the gun out.........blah blah blah ....''

    .... story ends half an hour later with, ''You've really got to watch it!''
  17. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    I must confess - yes, it happens tp the chaps, too.

    I was a motorcycle fanatic as was my best pal back yonder and we were sitting in the pub arguing about how the teeth on cogs would change the acceleration and gearing of the bikes.

    We got into a heated discussion about whether or not a 42 teeth cog was best for our machines, or a 44.

    Our two lady friends said they had had enough and left.

    We genuinely did not know why or what on earth was wrong with them.....

    (Having written that, I still don't.....:D)
    sodalime and emerald52 like this.
  18. cissy3

    cissy3 Star commenter

    The late great Kevin Turvey:

    EmanuelShadrack and sodalime like this.
  19. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Allow me to introduce you to my men friends who like to travel the world in order to climb mountains; you'll be asleep by the time they get to item two on the kit list.
  20. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Somebody somewhere is probably renaming this thread "How unkind can we be about very interesting people?"
    cissy3 likes this.

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