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When to start divorce proceedings ?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ff392, May 16, 2011.

  1. Do I start divorce proceedings now whilst I feel miserable or should I wait until I feel stronger in myself ? Either way it'll happen.
  2. Depends why you want a divorce. If your partner is violent then start now. Anything else I would wait because things will be much clearer if you are happier in yourself. You can spend the intervening time getting all the money into your name and all the debts into your partners!
  3. Now.
    Get a solicitor.
    Jesus wept.

  4. indeed
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Frankly, I'd wait until I had to get divorced as, in reality, all divorce does is line lawyers' pockets. If you can reach your own agreements over money you don't really need a divorce at all.
  6. It was meant to be a joke - you obviously had a sense of humour failure
  7. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    It's rude to file before the honeymoon.
  8. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    but when you feel like it is the real answer,
  9. madenglishgirl

    madenglishgirl New commenter

    Apart from when you want to get married again, that is!

    I did my divorce myself - no lawyers involved and the whole thing only cost me £380 (court fees and decree absolute)
  10. At least this made me smile ! Divorce is my way of closure but no , not what I want. But leaving it just feels putting off yet more pain and anguish
  11. jumad

    jumad New commenter

    I think you'll know when the time's right. We don't know anything of your circumstances - every situation is different. Whilst it is true that you can do your own divorce, if you have children it may be more advisable to take legal advice, particularly if your former OH does. Whatever and whenever you do it, I suspect you will feel the same mixture of emotions that many of us have - of relief, sadness, regret etc.
    Good luck x
  12. If it's going to happen anyway, if you really have come to the end of the road...start now.
    I say this as a woman who wasted ten valuable years of her life hoping and praying that the last nasty incident really would be the last one, and that he'd change, see the light and all would be well.
    I even started divorce proceedings and then cancelled them after a tearful plea that he really was sorry and would change. That cost me lots, and I suffered another six years of misery.
    Start. It hurts like hell to see a solictor and get the ball rolling - it's agony - and I cried and cried at first, feeling so scared and alone, but I can honestly say I wish I'd had the guts to do it sooner. My life became a million times better when I was free of him, despite then becoming a lone working parent with one wage coming in.
    You don't need to feel stronger. I was at my lowest and weakest when I walked into that solicitor's office.
  13. Now. Am with Arched Eyebrow on this. If it's bad enough to be seriously considering it and knowing deep down that it'll happen, just do it. There will be rough times, but it will get a million times better. Nothing is as heady as your freedom. Good luck x
  14. moggycat

    moggycat New commenter

    My boyfriend has children but he didnt get a solicitor involved. Cost them about 360 including the decree nisi. He did it through the local courts, type in divorce without solicitors or quicky divorce. From start to finish it took him 4 months
  15. My divorce cost me - hardly anything! The only thing I had to pay for were the final two solicitor appointments to sort out paperwork (pension, maintenance agreements, divorce certificate, etc) and that was around € 190 in total.

  16. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    My experience of divorce was that solicitors made it harder work for the pair of us than it needed to have been. Issues that could have been amicably sorted out between us inevitably ended up being addressed to the solicitor who would write to the other's solicitor who in turn would write to the respective party to ask their opinion. The tooing and froing of letters cost us both a fair packet.
    My ex-wife's solicitor let her down badly over maintenance. At the hearing, he'd appointed a barrister to represent her, yet failed to turn up himself to give instructions to the barrister. Instead, the barrister took instruction from my solicitor on the maintenance I should pay. My solicititor said to me it was quite wrong for my ex-wife not to have been properly represented but her duty as a solicitor was to her client.
    If I was to divorce again I wouldn't get solicitors involved unless it was impossible to come to a mutual agreement. The only advantage of having a solicitor in the majority of instances is to show your partner you are being serious about divorcing them.
  17. Si N. Tiffick

    Si N. Tiffick Occasional commenter

    My divorce cost me £12k in lawyers fees, plus my house, car, belongings, savings and pension. But I retained custody of my son and got to keep ALL of our friends, none of whom have spoken to my ex since.
  18. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    It didn't cost us anything. I printed the forms off the HM court site for free and filled them in. My ex took them in to the divorce court as he was unemployed and he didn't have to pay the court fee.
    It was very easy as we had been apart for over 2 years .
    When we had to pay the 40 quid for the decree absolute , we paid 20 quid each.
    We didn't even bother going to court for the final hearing .
    We have always just sorted out when he see the kids between ourselves and that has got easier as he lives 5 minutes away. We just filled in the children's bit of the form and said we didn't want the court involved.
    The house we sold and just split straight down the middle and I kept my pension.
    The only thing is making sure you both sign the various forms they send you and send them back.
    It has helped us all by keeping things on a friendly basis as possible although I appreciate it can't always be like this, especially if he has hurt you so badly.
    I have just printed off the forms and sent them to my brother as he was living in America with his wife but they split up and he has come back home.

    Good luck - sounds like you're going through the mill right now.
  19. moonpenny - sadly most divorces are not amicable, especially if children are involved.
    That is why solicitors earn so much money.
    The amicable route is much better for all involved - ours was (mostly!) amicable too and didn't take too much discussion or negotiating, but taking a look at many friends who have got divorced, it is not the norm, unfortunately.


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