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When is the right time to have the 'relationship' conversation?!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by teacherfairy, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. Just wondering what people's opinions are on this?

    I've been dating somebody for a couple of months and am having a great time getting to know him but fear I may be starting to quite like him. I briefly tried to bring up the 'do you see this going anywhere' topic but it may have been under the influence of a few drinks! He responded by saying he really liked me but that 2am was not the best time to have this conversation!

    We both then went away for Christmas and I have seen him a couple of times this week which has been lovely and I really enjoy his company! Do I try to bring it up again or just wait and see how things go?
     
  2. Just wondering what people's opinions are on this?

    I've been dating somebody for a couple of months and am having a great time getting to know him but fear I may be starting to quite like him. I briefly tried to bring up the 'do you see this going anywhere' topic but it may have been under the influence of a few drinks! He responded by saying he really liked me but that 2am was not the best time to have this conversation!

    We both then went away for Christmas and I have seen him a couple of times this week which has been lovely and I really enjoy his company! Do I try to bring it up again or just wait and see how things go?
     
  3. Not sure, but something would be ringing alarm bells with me, I think. While it sounds like a sensible thing to say, I think if feelings were mutual he would not want to defer the conversation. It could be that things are complicated for him. How I would act in this situation would depend on lots of things - but two months is not very long, and if you're enjoying it, why not go with the flow?
     
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Why the hell do people need to have "the" conversation?
    A relationship will last so long as both partners want it to - overanalysing is a sure-fire way of breaking things
     
  5. and my friends keep telling me this so I know you are right. A year ago though I was dating someone who I never had the conversation with and while I thought things were going well, 6 months later he met somebody else...Oh and let me find out through friends!

    So I now have a tendency to panic a bit!
     
  6. Have to agree with this. I've been living with MrDinx for years and it's something that just kind of happened after a couple of years of dating. There has never been any kind of 'conversation' about where our relationship was going, it just evolved into what it is now.
    Maybe that's when you know that it's right - it doesn't need to be analysed and discussed, it just evolves by itself.
     
  7. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    I think you have cracked it there - if you need the reassurance of a formal conversation to give 'official status' to your relationship, you are not in one!
     
  8. Thank you :). Just out of interest, when was it that you 'knew'? Straight away? A few months down the line? When u moved in together? Thanks for all the words of wisdom so far x
     
  9. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    You don't know, you never know, which means every single day is a new and exciting adventure together - after nearly 22 years.
     
  10. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    It took me over a year to say i love you to my wife and the belief that it was right took that year......we didnt move in in fact not till we were married.
    There is no moment...a relationship goes on till you feel so comfortable with someone you want to prolong it into living together all the while.If you have to have 'it' i would suggest your are not happy,unsure ,or even yourself been hurt int the past so want a secure reply.
    I believe you know when the moment comes.......its that moment of contentedness.not based on sex or friendship,or being together for a long time .love really is wanting to share your life, your time and your self with somebody.If you dont feel that then you aint in love yet.so itsnot the moment/
     
  11. Well my situation is slightly different, having been divorced and with two children to consider, but I'd spent about a year talking to, seeing and getting to know him before we started getting more involved. It was during this time that I realised that I really liked having him in my life and, more importantly, was willing to introduce into my sons' lives. About a year later he was spending more time at my house than his and as he was getting ready to get the train back to his house, just said something very casual like 'if I stay until next weekend you could take me back to pick up my stuff and bring me back'. I agreed and that was him moving in.
     
  12. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    I'll vouch for that.
    After a pathetically unconvincing start to a 'relationship', an attempt to clear the air was met with a pathetically indecisive & non-commital response.
    No relationship.
     
  13. Awww what lovely stories! All I know is that I am starting to feel something for him and I know that the only reason I need reassurance is because I was hurt the last time I felt like this. So I would rather know now than risk getting in deeper, although I guess you just can't know. He's been nothing except lovely and he makes me very happy. I keep expecting him to let me down but he never has so far. So I guess I just need to relearn to trust men and see how this one goes! I really don't want to push him away...
     
  14. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    No - the secret of the relationship HAS to be taking that risk. Love is an act of faith, it shouldn't require proof (in fact it cannot abide attempts to prove its existence).
    By definition we can only be betrayed by those in whom we have placed our trust, our faith - that is the magic (and sometimes the danger) of love.
    It is an endless wonder to me that love can exist given all the pressure that one little word can place on a relationship, but therein is the joy, wonder, ecstacy of it all
     
  15. Again and again it strikes me that people are trying to have a "relationship" with someone they barely communicate with. If you can't sit and have a conversation how do you hope to have anything else?
     
  16. oldsomeman - [​IMG]
     
  17. I'm more used to Facebook than TES these days, and I find myself wanting to 'like' quite a few responses on this thread, mainly from dinx and doomzebra.
    I agree that relationships should grow and develop natural, and there should be no need for a big 'where are we going' conversation. The questions you want to ask shoudl come up naturally in conversation at some point and feel comfortable, and if they don't it means your relationship hasn't reached that point yet - and it may never do.
    It sounds like your relationship hasn't reached that point yet, os you should just enjoy it for what it is for now and see where it goes. The more you try to force things, the less likely the relationship is to develop naturally into what you want it to be.
    Good luck!
     
  18. veni_vidi

    veni_vidi New commenter

    While I agree with the sentiments expressed by people on this thread about relationships developing naturally, I know that I and some of my friends have been burnt by this. Starting to see someone casually, then without having the 'conversation', assuming that because it's been a couple of months everything is fine, when actually the men felt that they were still free and single to date other people at the same time. Sometimes some reassurance that you are both thinking the same thing can help to make a relationship stronger as well.
     
  19. A couple of months is still very very early days.
     
  20. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    I have had longer relationships with things in my fridge's salad drawer
     

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