I'm wondering if anyone has any words of advice... Really need some help. Growing up, I often felt desperately sad and lonely, and that has never changed. I've managed to appear on the outside to be fairly successful, exams, career, (I'm even often told I'm 'bubbly', ha) etc., but never managed to hold down any friendships or relationships. The past few years I've moved jobs, countries (several times), had several bereavements and more recently a serious relationship breakdown with two separate friends. It has been very hard at times. I am aware that it was a series of stressful events. I was diagnosed with depression quite a few years ago, and was on medication for some of those years. To the point (this is so self-indulgent, please bear with me) - when does it end? I've felt suicidal in the past, in a rather hysterical and upsetting manner, but now I just want to not exist any more. I'm tired of the loneliness, tired of the sadness, and am fairly confident these feelings won't ever leave me. Some of my earliest memories are of feeling sad and isolated, and that was 20-something years ago. I know I couldn't end my life because I can't do that to my parents (although we have a difficult relationship, they don't deserve that). Just plain tired. Grateful for any suggestions. Thanks for reading.