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When did you realise....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Boo_H, May 13, 2009.

  1. That your other half is 'the one'? If indeed you do think he/she is! Or perhaps you believe that there is no one person for anyone.....in which case, when did you realise he/she was the person you would be happy spending the rest of your life with?
    I'm continuing the season of Boo's celebration of optimism and romance as established on Kremlin's thread and would love to know your responses.
    I laboured on with past relationships for years under the misapprehension that I was 'in love' and that they were 'the one' (well certainly in my previous two main relationships) until I realised after 4 and 2 anda half years respectively that actually, I wasn't, and they weren't!
    Then at, the age of 29, after three months of going out with someone 5 years younger than me who lived in another continent, I realised (much to my surprise!) that I was in the love for the first time and that he was in fact 'the one'. 18 months on and I'm more convinced than ever. Who knew?!
    Anyway, would love to hear your tales, particularly as the alternative is marking A2 practice papers ;-)
     
  2. Hmmm...tricky one. I'm not sure you realise someone is 'the one' as much as realising they are 'not the one'!
     
  3. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Lead commenter

  4. a good theory alta..!
    but that leaves an awful lot to get through before you can settle down!!
     
  5. I realised not long into the relationship. He was there when I found out the worse news of my life and stayed with me for weeks. I didn't even notice at the time! He put up with me crying at any random moment when we were out, in front of friends, in front of shop staff, anywhere really.
    We had only been together a month when it started and he stuck by my side and gave me strength to carry on. I knew then that he was the one.
     
  6. Ah that's sad but lovely PFF. I know what you mean. Well I don't as I've not had anything that awful happen to me since I've been with my OH, but I did get very very ill only a few months after getting together with him (pneumonia) and he was immensely supportive, even when I looked a mess and couldn't even sit up. I've also told him things about me/my past that I have never told anyone for fear of it wrecking the relationship/leading me to be judge, and it has only made him love me more (or so he says!!)
    I know what you mean - was it alterego who said this?! - about knowing when they're NOT he one. But I think that until you've got a point of reference it's difficult to know. I had my suspicions that my previous relationships were far too hard work f(and made me feel too rubbish!) or the fellas to be 'the one', but then I began to think that anything remotely ressembling that only existed in films etc so that maybe they were! Ha!

     
  7. Indeed it does and I'm having fun getting throught them all! Want to join the queue? On second thoughts...don't answer that LOL! [​IMG]
     
  8. I thought he was afte a few months. But really it was when I was suffering with a deep depression, and he was just there. He picked me up countless times, and did practical stuff. He took me to doctors etc.
    There are times when he drives me crazy, but I can't imagine not being with him. Usually at my most angry/p*ssed off with him he will say/do something that blows me away.
     
  9. I don't think you ever really know. We all have our own thoughts which are secret from everyone else. Even if someone tells you what they think, how do you really know?
    What does it mean to "know" ? All we can do is look for evidence to confrim what we think as have the other posters but beware some people have reported suddenly breaking uo after years together. Did they really "know" thier partner?

     
  10. <h4>I think he might be. We've been together nearly 4 years, the first couple of years were, in hindsight, not that great! But something kept us together and now we seem to be a lot more in harmony. I am very happy in the relationship, my biggest worry is that he doesn't feel the same way. He's not very good at either understanding his own emotions or expressing them, and he doesn't make decisions quickly! But something for me just 'clicked' about 8 months ago, and since then I've been more sure than ever that I'm doing the right thing, despite our relationship becoming long-distance (we currently live 400 miles apart!), and I can only hope he feels the same. </h4>
     
  11. Long distance relationships never work! You need to see each other often to reinforce/share/strenthen etc. Move closer !
     
  12. <h4>That bothers me, too. I'm a very analytical person (it's the science training!) and my boyfriend even more so. Neither of us listen to our emotions very readily, which is why I think our relationship was slow to get off the ground and will continue to be slow-developing. But, like I said, I just had this 'click' and since then I've been so sure, having never been sure in any relationship before, and I can't explain it. </h4>
     
  13. <h4>How do you know we don't see each other often? We just travel a lot!
    </h4>
     
  14. That is a massively sweeping statement!
     
  15. I am a firm believer that there is one right person out there for someone. Whether that be you have never met them, or have and let them go. I also believe everything happens for a reason and that if a relationship fails, your "mr or mrs right" is still out there looking for you and you for them.
     
  16. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    I find that idea really scary and hope it isnt true. I have seen friends spend years agonising over 'finding their one' while their life passes them by and they are never content with who they have.
     
  17. Blimey, I don't think there is just one. I have seen too mnay of my friends walk away from relationships for reasons like this. My husband drives me crazy sometimes, he does things wrong, we are certainly no always in sync with each other. However we both have a desire to keep working at the relationship and staying with each other. It doesn't sound very romantic, but both our parents are still together and happy after 30+ years and this they say is the key.
    My mum says she still doesn't know if my dad is the one!
    Relationships that last, rarely do so out of romantic ideals of love and soulmate type ideas. They are hard work, and it is the boring stuff you do together that counts.
     
  18. When I stopped being sacred to admit that we break all the 'rules' - we don't argue, the relationship isn't hard work, we spend pretty much all of our free time together, don't have 'separate interests', my heart still races when he comes in the door after 9 years, it is all kittens and puppies romance and fun and I don't care if people think that we're doing it wrong! I know that all the advice says it should be a disaster (particularly the very sound advice given on here) and I agree, but I don't care, and that's how I know.
     
  19. Just in case of confusion - I was never that 'sacred' before we got together! [​IMG]
     
  20. On two occasions I thought I had found the one, both turned out not to be and in fact were the worst possible people for me to be with (manipulative, egotisitcal, and unsupportive at times when i needed them)
    I would like to think that there is that one person out there who is meant for me and fate will put us together but it will be up to us to make it work.
    However the realist and cynic in me realises that this is just a fantasy and I am unlikely to find the ideal man who resides in my head in real life.
     

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