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What would you do?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by anon3372, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Personally, I would say my piece and cut off contact (but I would say why I am doing so).
    And then stick to it, rather than agreeing to meet up again.
    If they really care, they will change their behaviour and do the running - and I would make sure they did the running and the organising for a while.
    Or just break off the contact and to hell with it.
    It depends very much on whether you want to give the friendship another chance or whether you have reached your limit on being the understanding one.

     
  2. You are a nicer person than me for hanging in there for so long!! I'd cut them out. If she cannot be bothered to see you in person or cancel arrangements and send her apologies then do you really want to be friends with her.
    I have decided to 'cut out' people that do not contact me - with one friend I was always doing the chasing. I have not heard from her since about October (I used to organise meeting with her around Christmas so decided to see whether she would make the effort), and my life is no worse off from not seeing her.
     
  3. I have been doing that for years. I swore to myself many moons ago that I wasn't going to waste time on people who are not good for me.
    It works.

     
  4. I would tell her how she has made me feel and how she isn't a friend, then cut all contact.
     
  5. Short and sweet.
    I like it!
    I am really annoyed at myself for being such a mug.
     
  6. You don't have to have a confrontation if you don't want one. Just stop contacting her. Hard to do sometimes though, especially if it's an old friend.
     
  7. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I'd just let it lie. Yes she's let you down but she may want to restart things another time and it would be a shame if bitter words had been spoken. Friends are unreliable in my experience but there are times when they are good to have around. If she has dropped you - so be it.
    A pair of frienfs have dropped us recently and I'm cross but am not going to have any sort of a show down - would seem a bit childish really.
     
  8. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    arrange to meet her somewhere inconvenient, a holiday perhaps,
    send her a cheap ticket and arrange to meet her at sofia airport by the hertz desk.
    don't go
    laugh for a month.
     
  9. There is another alternative, if chocolate wants to say her piece.
    Just reply to the next email saying you are cutting off contact because...*insert list*.
    Click on send.
    Never reply to another email again. Delete any incoming mails without reading.
    No confrontation - but chocolate has said what she needs to get off her chest.
    Anyway, chocolate - go with the option that feels right for you and don't get caught up in thinking about what your "friend" will make of it.

     
  10. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    oh - life's too short.
     
  11. Back away from this friendship. If she wants to see you she will make contact; if she doesn't what have you really lost?
     
  12. Genius!
    Ryanair have flights to Hamburg for £9 including taxes and charges. I'll ask her if she wants to go on a day trip...
     
  13. Make sure it is a one way ticket, though.
     
  14. There doesn't need to be confrontation or bitter words. Just honesty.
    If in the end they are actually a true or worthwhile friend it will be water under the bridge in the future anyway!
     
  15. I couldn't be friends with someone if I had to bite my tongue all the time. I would want to say my piece.
    They are quite welcome to say their piece too - but if it is someone who is a fair weather friend, they generally don't bother.
    Those who do - I consider friends.
     
  16. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    Apart from the not turning up for arranged meetings.....

    why do people feel that to be a friend means having to be around and available all the time? I'd be your worst kind of friend, in fact you'd all have told me what you think and sent me a one way ticket to nowhere. Because I don't live in my friends' pockets. I like my own space and company. I rarely accept invitations to go out. I never extend invitations. I'm not on the phone chatting for hours. If I had friends that expected more of me, I'd feel suffocated. I must be lucky that the friends I have seem happy to pick up where we left off even if there's been a gap of weeks, if not months. Either that or they're just biting their tongues.
     
  17. I don't feel that way at all. The only person I ever wanted to be around all of the time was my best friend.
    But if you keep making arrangements and then constantly letting down then you aren't a friend of mine.
     
  18. But that is surely different to saying you will go somewhere and then not go?
    I think that is a different scenario - I am often one to say I will not be going somewhere. But I say it (and not just not turn up or send an email at last minute).
    My friends also know that I do not like chatting on the phone (apart from to two, but they are my really best friends, who know not to bother ringing every 5 minutes).
    I have another friend who is our wee angel - she organises everything. I would feel myself a damn right awful friend if I told her I was going somewhere and then didn't turn up. If I don't want to go, I say so from the start.
    She accepts it and knows usually why I do not want to go.
    That, to me, is friendship, and I don't think what you have described is not friendship, either.
    I think what chocolate's friend is doing is something different altogether and is not friendship, imo.
     
  19. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    As I acknowledged in my first sentence.
     
  20. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    Having re-read the thread, apart from one post, it was all about the friend making arrangements and not turning up. So I apologise for letting my own feelings override my ability to read properly.
     

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