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What to write in a Eulogy?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by realirlandesa, Jan 27, 2011.

  1. I have been asked to write a eulogy for a close friend next Friday. I've only ever been to one funeral where someone read a eulogy and that was an elderly person. This man was only 41. I've googled what to put in a eulogy but it's all american rubbish and far too mushy. Any one had any experience of writing one and could share what to include? Thanks
     
  2. I have been asked to write a eulogy for a close friend next Friday. I've only ever been to one funeral where someone read a eulogy and that was an elderly person. This man was only 41. I've googled what to put in a eulogy but it's all american rubbish and far too mushy. Any one had any experience of writing one and could share what to include? Thanks
     
  3. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Just write about your own thoughts and connections to the deceased - it is the only point of a eulogy. Everyone at the funeral should already know about the milestones and achievements of their life, so make it something extra, something personal. That is why YOU have been asked.
    For a starting point, think back to a time when you and your friend smiled together and open with that
     
  4. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    My Grandad is very good at eulogies and has been asked more than once to do them for people that he doesn't know very well.
    Generally he rings up their friends and family to get some of their thoughts and memories about the deceased and uses those.
     
  5. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    Those I remember tell about the person's life, including anecdotes. It depends on you, your relationship with the person and the feeling at the service - more of a celebration or just mourning? Go with what you feel comfortable. If you've been asked, I'm sure the family will be grateful for what you do. It would be good for them to hear about a different side to the person they knew. I hope it goes well.
     
  6. I agree with DZ. Just write from the heart.
    When we were asked to write an Eulogy for my cousin's military funeral we got together in a pub over a drink and just started talking and writing and not stopping until it felt right to. We then took that and edited it a little so that it made some sort of sense!
    I am sure once you just start putting pen to paper you will find it 'easy' (and I mean that loosely, as writing an Eulogy is never easy given the circumstances!)
     
  7. Thank you for all those suggestions. I've written some things down but they aren't in any real order yet. My problem is that I can only make it sound 2D and I really want it to be 3D because he was such a great character. Does that make sense? I can't bring him back but I want to make it as lively and interesting as I possibly can - and I'm really struggling with that bit!
     
  8. For Mum's funeral, I just wrote down my own thoughts - kind of as if I was writing a letter to Mum and speaking of the personal events in our lives and what she meant to me. The funny bits, the sad bits and the very happy bits. Things that had stuck in my mind. My sister did the same and both "letters" were read, then the vicar read a poem that we had chosen.

     
  9. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Watch the reading of the eulogy by John Hannah in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" for some idea of how to do this.
     
  10. I wrote the eulogy for my dad and, recently, my mum. I just wrote down all those things that exemplified their lives, e.g. funny things they said/did, the kindness they demonstrated towards other people, their best qualities, random anecdotes etc. Once you start jotting things down, it begins to flow...
    When my younger brother died, his best friend did the same because none of us (family members) could bear to as we were utterly consumed with grief. It was truly wonderful and I will always be grateful to that friend who stepped up to the mark...
     
  11. I really like the comment you have made about your thoughts on paper being 2D when he was 3D. I think it says a lot in a few words.
     
  12. Write exactly that sentence in your eulogy.
     
  13. lardylegs

    lardylegs Occasional commenter

    - Where you first met them.
    - How you got to know them.
    - How your lives crossed.
    - What they were like - good and bad
    - Happiest time you spent with them.
    - What you will always remember about them.
     
  14. Many many thanks for these ideas. I will start to try to put it into some sort of an order tomorrow and see how it goes. I feel a bit more comfortable with what I have to do, even though I am still dreading it!
     
  15. I would also add think about who else is likely to be there and how they might respond to what you say. There is nothing wrong with your words making people sad and cry, but they should also be uplifiting and inspirational about the loved one they have lost too.
    A good starting point is to think, if you had to choose only 3 special things to say about this person what would they be? Use these as your main focus and build the rest of it around them. Go with your heart and share why they were so special for you. Good Luck and sorry to hear of your loss.
     
  16. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Writing and reading the eulogy for my dad was the toughest lesson I ever had to give. I started by simply listing the many roles he played in his life, ie husband, father, brother, friend, neighbour and so on - I think I got to at least 15. My sister and I had compiled some anecdotes about his life, especially humorous ones, and I told of the courageous way he had faced up to his illness. I thanked those who'd looked after him and visited him. I ended with a passage from a poem that I'd discovered by coincidence but which neatly summed him up. I then thanked everyone in the church for coming to the service.
     

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