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What to tell the kids?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by marymoocow, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    We have discovered some shocking news about an old neighbour of ours. We considered him a good friend and tried to visit at least twice a year after we moved away. We are also friends with one of his grown up kids. Due to a busy year we havent seen him or his daughter this last year. We have just found out that he has just been sent to jail for abusing children in his family. We had no idea and never suspected anything. I feel sick that as a young couple and then as a young couple with a family that he was potentially grooming us when we lived there. I am also doubting my own judgements about people. As our children were only 2 years old and a baby when we moved away and were never left alone or babysat by him or his wife we initially felt sure that our kids were ok. I've since discovered that he did it in public or when others were around, so potentially when he took them briefly into the kitchen for a biscuit when we were visiting, he could have had the opportunity for a quick assault.
    Our kids really like this man and sometimes ask if we are going to pop in when we are out his way, which is most months. Would you just let the memory of him lapse as my husband thinks or tell them about him as I think. They are now early teenagers. We are far enough away to not come across anyone that knows him, but we are still in touch with his grown up children and will be staying in touch with them. If we tell them, how would you broach it? After a stranger danger scare in the area, my son is already abit scared of paedophiles as it is.
    I was a victim myself as a child so am trying not to let that cloud my judgement. I have very mixed feelings about him, from anger and disgust and betrayal, to mourning the man I thought I knew and feeling sorry for what is an old man and what will happen to him in prison. If he doesnt top himself, I cant see him coming out alive. However I know he deserves everything he gets because he has destroyed his family abusing 8 of them and made them go though the full court case denying everything. My head is all over the place at the moment.
  2. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter


  3. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    Because they are good friends and we will be supporting them through what has been a horrendous time for them.
  4. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Well if that's the case you will need to tell your own children what a lucky escape you have all had.
  5. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I have an acquaintance who is in prison at the moment and know of another individual similarly detained. These people are very clever - do not feel guilty for not knowing.
  6. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter

    Spot on.
    You may feel that you have somehow let your children down by not noticing his behaviour and thus "saving them" from it.
    But this is no reason to feel guilty. There are thousands of things that might have happened to your kids, but didn't, from train crashes to e-coli. You couldn't save them from everything, especially the train crash that they were nowhere near, the e-coli that didn't happen, the abuse that never took place.
    Just feel relieved, and also feel grateful for the support of your partner.
    Best wishes
    TheoGriff. Member of the TES Careers Advice Service.
    I do Application and Interview one-to-ones, and also contribute to the Job Application Seminars. We look at application letters, executive summaries and interviews, with practical exercises that people really appreciate.

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