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What to do with him?

Discussion in 'Primary' started by s1oux, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. s1oux

    s1oux New commenter

    I'm normally confident giving levels but would love to know what people make of this.
    Year 4 boy asked to write story about a couple in love in an exploding volcano scenario.
    Sorry, but I've added the hyphens and commas as on first viewing it just didn't make sense. However boy read it through and I added them as I could hear what he meant. However, without the extra punctuation, what would you give it?
    Hearts broken, love lost in lava and eyelids filled with dreadful tears - this is a story of Jane and Max a couple that were afraid to show their love. (Inside them was a shining, beaming darting white tulip spreading through the air as Jane was picking all the love from a branch.). Jane who was a volcanologist spreaded the love again as they sat down on the grass galncing over the water whilst seeing two attractiveful swans gancing back at them making a shadow of a heart whilst Jane and Max were having a picnic.
    Suddenly not knowing what to expect there was a huge explosion wiping out the whole town. Jane had no fear. Neither did Max. Suddenly Jane who was pretty according to Max got surrounded by an enormous rock. Max thought to himself - do it for the girl that you care about- as the Rocky song was rebounding over and over in his head.
    Jane was bulging her words out as Max pulled up the rock Jane was fine in the endbut Jane took the rong step and another rock tipped. Max ran a nd pushed her out like a survivor. Jane was in teaers... Max was dead.
  2. s1oux

    s1oux New commenter

  3. Sorry but I'll have to ask - Why?
  4. Msz

    Msz Established commenter

    It is a strange topic for 8/9 year olds
  5. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    A very odd kind of topic...

    It is hard to judge in terms of level, because by adding in all the punctuation yourself it changes how we read it. But without all that punctuation, the repetition of some of the words and the lack of real flow I wouldn't give it more than a 3c I don't think.

    My level 3 writers, who granted have very different sort of topics so it's maybe easier, would write something better generally speaking.
  6. Very odd - possible inappropriate?
  7. greta444

    greta444 New commenter

    I think the boy suggested the story himself if I read the original post correctly.
    It is quite unusual but has elements of level 4 such as complex sentences (although they seem unpunctuated) and the level of vocab is level 4. But the structure, quantity and organisation is not great. He used paragraphs?
    I would suggest level 3 but on a best fit basis. Personally I would ask for another piece from the child, maybe giving the first couple of sentences myself to get him on the right track.
  8. Thing is that you can make <strike>any</strike> most writing sound like a high level by the way that you interpret and read it. By adding the punctuation for example, you have adapted the way that we have read it.
    Having said that, the language choice and control is great.
    Would also echo the choice of topic - why?! Sure there is a good reason!
  9. s1oux

    s1oux New commenter

    Precisely - we had learnt about the Romans and Vesuvius and watched a brief video which included a married couple in peril. When we wrote a creative story about a volcano some weeks later, he remembered this and wanted to write it from their viewpoint - all tongue in cheek, I assure you.
    THe reason I asked was because all his writing is like this. On one level its rubbish - missing lots of punctuation / confusing etc. However, when you ask him to read it, he's increadibly articulate and if he could just access high level punctuation, I think his writing is really quite gifted in some ways -an almost poetic quality.
    He's currently working at 3C but was wondering if anyone else saw what I see (i.e. something fantastic- a diamond in the rough)

  10. I certainly do too. Great potential to be a high level writer with that grasp of language. Like you have already said, teach the punctuation and he will be well on the way.

  11. greta444

    greta444 New commenter

    Yes, I do.
  12. It is lovely in parts, and he obviously has a very good grasp of how to play with language. It depends how much punctuation, grammar, paragraphing etc he is capable of though. If there is some control, then perhaps 3b/a? I would be spending every waking moment trying to get his organisation and grammar sorted though. With this he would be achieving far higher. I have 3b children with poor secretarial skills AND (for year 5) much poorer use of language than this.
    A difficult one to level for sure.
  13. languageisheartosay

    languageisheartosay Occasional commenter

    I have to say the first time I read your post I did wonder if the story was lifted from somewhere, reflecting a more detailed account he had met in some visual media form beyond the work you had done in class. But I see you say he writes other stories of this standard.
    Do you use any text-to-speech software to let him <u>hear</u> the flow of what he has written? After all, punctuation is only to help us make sense of text and perhaps it would jerk him into making some breaks. Just a thought.


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