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What elements would the perfect international school contain ?

Discussion in 'Teaching abroad' started by Foneypharaoh, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. Me in the PE Department is a must.
    I'm sure most agree...
  2. MisterMaker

    MisterMaker Occasional commenter

    Only if I'm in the driving seat (and I don't mean the bus driver!)
  3. a well stocked bar (for the pe department)
  4. wrldtrvlr123

    wrldtrvlr123 Occasional commenter

    I'm happy to throw my hat in to take on any SEN issues/needs. Although now that I've said that, truly wondering whether there will be any SEN issues at the perfect international school (or Seppos for that matter [​IMG]).
  5. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    .... and only if the driving seat has proper fitted seat belts [​IMG]
  6. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    Indeed. Only the second time I've ever been into heavy metal.
  7. Dear Boyowivboots,
    can i applie 4 a job in ur new school as head of Science or something?????????
    i realy get on wiv the kids well and i'v been told that i'm the bestest teacher theyve ever had.there.
  8. SMT dude

    SMT dude New commenter

    After nearly twenty years leading two major IB schools, a quieter life beckons.
    But were I to retire altogether to the book-lined, bottle-strewn den, a prodigious talent would be going entirely to waste.
    Will there be part-time opportunities at Zenith International School?
    I could make an invaluable contribution to the school's Online Bullying Promotion Program. I have won the 'Dullest Assembly Award', against fierce competition, for three consecutive years. My intensive training sessions with ToK students, 'The Philosopher as Plagiarist', have harvested dozens of bonus points for our school .
    I have also led highly acclaimed ECIS conference workshops on:
    'Achieving Anarchy in the International Playground';
    'How Deep Budget Cuts Improve Staff Morale';
    and, 'Senior Students' Dress Code: a Gender-Unbiased Hands-On Approach'.
    At the 2010 COBIS conference my keynote speech, 'The White Man's Burden: a New Approach to Multiculturalism in British Schools Overseas' drew several column inches of praise from both the Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph.
    My Masters dissertation in Int. Ed. for the University of Nempnett Thrubwell, based on a cutting-edge six-question Survey Monkey data-gathering questionnaire and advanced mathematical models of statistical analysis, established 1,049 different types and sub-types of lingualism in Third Culture Kids, and explored effective strategies for differentiation. It gained a distinction Magna cuum Faeces Bovis.
    The most recent of my many publications is a volume of advice for International Teachers returning to Britain. Entitled 'Back to that PoopHole? Gotta be Kiddin'!', it is a sensitive and thoughtful treatment of a topic of universal interest.
    An earlier work, 'Clean Desk, Brown Nose: How to Lead a Proprietorial School' is recognised as the most influential contribution to a major field, and as Chair of BSSME (British Segregated Schools in MittelEuropa) I valiantly and tirelessly headed our campaign against intrusive attempts by the Nanny-Socialist UK government and certain misguided parents to introduce systems of quality assurance.
    My selfless work over the years in the sleaze-pits of several major cities as chief facilitator of the New Staff Induction Week has been, not to fall into false modesty, a forkin' legend.
    At this advanced age, and bearing in mind my demanding domestic lunchtime routine, I would like to work only on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings, but would only ask for flights twice a year, airconditioned accommodation with pool, Sky TV and houseboy, car with driver, €220 per hour (cash), attendance at no more than five international conferences per year, and visiting rights in the PE Department Bar.
  9. David Getling

    David Getling Lead commenter

    A willingness to say sod the fees and kick out some of the little bastards, who should really be in a boot camp, and make it bad for the vast majority of decent kids.
  10. SMT dude

    SMT dude New commenter

    staff and students David?
  11. It's 'cos I'm Scouse isn't it?
  12. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    We kicked out twenty in Santiago in 1993. It made the Night of the Long Knives look like an episode of Postman Pat. Though highly necessary on that occasion it isn't as simple as it sounds. You need full co-operation from the Board and a very thick skin to withstand the death threats.
  13. I'm confused now.
    How is it that Dave is able to say "***" but when M and I quote him the word is 'asterisked out'?
  14. AAAAAAggggggggggggggghhhh!
    It's happened again!
  15. SMT dude

    SMT dude New commenter

    Yes, and I tried to use the Latin word for 'with'. It got the asterisk treatment but I managed to make it comprehensible during that generous two-minute second-thoughts-and-typos window that the TES now permits us.
    Can anyone inform an earnest but naive schoolmaster what is wrong with the Latin word for 'with' ?
  16. The Zenith School should also have support staff that actually want to support, instead of seeing the teachers and students as being an intrusion.
  17. Mainwaring

    Mainwaring Lead commenter

    See, Robby's got it donkey-about-face too, Pharaoh. The ideal school wouldn't HAVE such intrusions as students.
  18. David Getling

    David Getling Lead commenter

    Are Egyptian parents that different? I'd have to say that, with the (thankfully) very odd exception, I'm very happy meeting and talking to parents.
  19. I will have to take the fifth on that one. But you may read between the lines.
    Not at my school, of course, they are al perfect, understanding, take not so good news with the stiffest of upper lips...

  20. SMT dude

    SMT dude New commenter

    Nor would we endure a drenching half-term like the one I'm half-way reading and moping and de-toxing and cussing my way through. Sympathy for friends and cyber-colleagues in Bangkok is becoming more genuine.
    It's pitifully old-fashioned to announce half-term 18 months in advance, and here we are, reaping our reward - after a torrid October with temperature 30 and tempers shirty, the weather breaks on the day before our week off. Ocean and sky merge into a grey humid mass and dump on us day and night.
    At ZIS, the <strike>head teacher</strike>, no of course not, the Collective Universal Niceness Team, will closely monitor weekly forecasts and call a snap half-term whenever eight days of autumn sunshine are on the cards.
    Senior students and their tutors will use the time wisely, by holding a 72-hour, anything-goes party on the beach, at the end of which they will draw lots for the predicted grades - high scorers to apply to Cambridge and UCL, while the unlucky ones offer their talents to my own alma mater, the Collegiate University of Nempnett Thrubwell.
    Thus two seasonal problems become things of the past, and ZIS approaches ever nearer to perfection.

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