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Discussion in 'Primary' started by lillipad, Nov 9, 2010.
Go on, go mad.
To one particular child... "Just shut up. Your parents may have led you to believe that you are the most important person on the planet, but they are wrong and I would actually like to listen to someone else for a change."
To a significant minority every year, .."Your family life isnt normal, if only you could speak up we could find you a nice family in fact I could happily take you home myself."
No I dont want some homemade biscuits, kind as the thought was, I know where your hands have been and have seen the state of your house.
Just because your mum and grandma had babies at 16 and are benefit scroungers, doesnt mean you cant aim higher. Babies are nice and I hope you have them one day, but they are much nicer when you are older.
To the EBD child who is tantruming in the corner shouting he hates me,.....I dont like you either today because I am tired and knackered and thouroughly drained dealing with you and I would like to have just one lesson this year where the other children can learn something uninterupted by you.
Why dont we send the class bully to coventry and give them a taste of their own medicine, because all else has failed over the last 6 years.
I slept 3 hours last night - back off.
You are not as clever as little Johnny. That is because Johnny listens.
I tell you things at the start of lessons because I'd rather like to see these in your work.
'Mummy tells me you need to write my name on my pack lunch box.' MUMMY IS WRONG!
Being in the pink group does not make you special. In fact because you are cocky I am moving you down to the purple group.
I do not like your homemade cards which are a scribble on a post it note (harsh but I HATE them!)
School starts at 9am not half 9.
I have 29 other children in my class. You are only 1 child.
If I miss my PPA time again because I am sorting out your strops then I will be the one kicking and screaming in the corner.
Can we occasionly have a few minutes of pure silence. Believe me you will like it.
Amen to all of the above
I am NOT your mummy. I am Not going to do everything for you!
To 'stay at home and get paid like daddy' (as one child said to me today when asked what they wanted to be when they grow up) is not a career plan.
I know that you hate me, you've told me every morning since September, whilst kicking me. Right now I dont particularly like you either.
If you think I'm tough on you, just wait 'til you get to secondary school
To the child who interrupts and calls out the answers every time I ask a question: "Shut up. I don't want to hear your voice anymore. I can see why your last teacher had time off with stress, because you are the most irritating child I've ever met. I am honestly considering slapping you on the legs next time you do it - getting sacked would bea small price to pay for the pleasure it would give me."
To the obese Y6 girl in the tight leggings: "Get some more flattering clothes for heaven's sake. How on earth can you think that they suit you?"
To the child of the scrounging, money grabbing unemployed parents "How have you turned out so nice? Your parents are insane, and very disturbed. I want to take you home and let you really blossom, not stifle you like they do."
Ooh, I can see trouble with mumsnet over this thread!
Actually I do say that to my year 6 class (or very similar phrases) quite regularly.
I really don't care what you get in your spelling test each week, I only do it to keep your parents happy as they think its vital to being succesful at school. However I would quite like you to actually use some of it in your writing.
I hate teaching dance and gym, and I know your getting a pretty bad deal because of it. I'm sorry (but only a little bit).
I am horrified that you have managed to get to the age of 10 without being able to understand a simple story or write a coherent sentence. Yes you have got some learning difficulties, I don't think you are being supported at home, and I suspect you've been allowed to flounder in the past. However you are not making any effort to help yourself, and your life is going to get even harder as you get older unless you stick a rocket up your backside now.
I loathe marking your work when its dull, not what I told you to do or incomprehensible due to bad handwriting/spelling/it being complete gibberish. That is why I get cross with you. However the odd inadvertent mistake will make my night, and give my friends/other teachers a good laugh in the pub.
I seriously disagree with a few of your religious beliefs and hate the fact that your family is brainwashing you in such a way. I can only hope some of the work we do in RE makes you actually think about what you accept as truth.
I really don't care if somebody said something very petty. You are 10, not 3, get over it.
I know that you will spend the rest of your life telling people how much I hated you, I however will probably have forgotten your name once you leave the school.
I think our phase leader is dreadful, and if I was you I'd ignore pretty much anything they say to you.
I think your parents are rubbish - you deserve a hundred times better than that. On the other hand some of your parents are doing a fantastic job in producing well-rounded individuals in the most difficult of circumstances.
Compared to the bunch of socio-paths I had last year, you are a bunch of well-adjusted, polite, hard-working and funny individuals. I am thankful everyday you are my reward for the horror I had to go through last year.
Like you, 3.30 is my favourite time of the day.
I'm not bothered that your friend said "I don't care," to you...and you shouldn't be either. Why should they care?
Please stop telling me random rubbish that I have no time to listen to.
Please stop bringing me in cakes from home, complete with the cat hair embedded in the icing.
Read at home. Practice your tables.
I am not your Mother. I don't follow my kids around at home picking up after them, and I'm not going to do it in the classroom either.
When you wiggle around in your chair, jiggle around when we are singing and pull your face into a thousand different shapes you look like an idiot.
No, I don't want to look at your holiday photos/listen to a song you want to sing or a dance you want to show off....unless my last lesson finished quicker than expected.
You are the lowest ability child in my class, and you try your hardest in my class, yet you get no support from home in anything. You deserve better.
Sometimes you can try really really hard and you still don't succeed. People cheat and lie and get on very well in life. This world can be very unfair. You can be marked down to fail because of the country you are born in or the colour of your skin. Eventually there is nobody there to ask the questions to. You will watch your parents get old and lose their health. People moan lots, they don't appreciate the time they have. Savour every precious second of your childhood. You will miss it when it's gone. Don't always obey the rules. Sometimes it's fun to swing on your chair or splash through a muddy puddle. Life's too short for homework. Spend your evenings being a kid, running and screaming all you can. Love your parents. One day they won't be there. Talk to your Gran and Grandad. Dementia is terrible. Sometimes adults get scared too. You may need to smoke or take drugs when you are older. Just make sure you are in control of what you are doing. In the grand scheme of things, knowing how a sedimentary rock was formed probably won't change your life. Your parents are wrong often but they are usually trying their best. It is bloody hard to bring up a child. It is hard to teach 33 kids and sometimes I come home and cry. You will hurt lots of people in this life, just don't do it deliberately. Live life to the full every day.
I don't care when your birthday is and I don't need daily progress updates as to when your birthday is.
I don't care that Peter called you a name. Grow a thicker skin, please.
I'm not going to do your shoelaces up for you if you are in Y2 or above.
You will work out fairly quickly that it's best to bother someone else on duty than to expect me to deal with the fact that Chloe won't play with you.
By all means refuse to do any work in my lesson. I still get paid. I'll still be getting paid when I'm having a nice cup of tea in the staffroom at lunchtime whilst you're snivelling in the Head's office, doing the work you should have done in my lesson.
I know which of you will end up having a teen pregnancy, which will end up long-term unemployed and which will end up with a criminal record.
I was a child once. So was everyone who has ever taught you. We know all of the tricks and more, as much as it amazes you.
Funnily enough, I want you to learn and want what's best for you in many regards. I am not the opposition and it not simply my job to try to make you do things you don't want to do.
Erm...looking at all those, there's a good few I have said over the years!
I didn't take your pencil so stop telling me you can't find it, I don't care. (Although I say that on a daily basis anyway).
I know Sally called you a name. She was right.
I am fairly honest with the children over most things anyway. I would like to tell them my proper views on homework and how much of a waste of time it is.
It does not impress me when you bring in piles of information about our topic which you have simply printed off the Internet without reading any of it. Please relay this to your mother.
I will decide when you are to move up a reading band. Not your mother. Not you. Especially not the TA.
It is nice for you to voice your opinion about my lessons, but "This is boring!" changes nothing. Maths goes ahead as planned.
I am able to tell the time as well as you, boy with the watch who counts down the last three minutes till playtime/lunchtime/hometime - I am counting down too, inside.
No, you won't be going to university when you grow up - keep flirting with workmen the way you do here and you'll be a mother by the time you get to Year 11.
I know I look nice today. I look nice every day. Your opinion on my clothes, shoes, jewellery is irrelevant.
When I say "Christians believe.... " or "Some people believe...." this lets you know that personally I don't believe a word of whatever balderdash it is I'm feeding you.
Every time I say your names, Tie-Roan or Sha-Niah, I have a little silent giggle to myself.
Jamea, I would like to have a little chat with your father after school today. This is because he is a dead ringer for Daniel Craig and the sound of his voice makes me go a little bit dizzy with delight.
I meant to quote that post then say I loved it, but It went wrong.
Jamezium - well said.
I would like to say to a child in my class, Benedict- you're a spoilt little brat. You are an absolute horror.
Believe me - any stunt you try to get up to in school, I pulled off with much more skill and style when I was at school - you're dealing with the master here and I'm so far ahead of you that I'll meet you on my way back. (Doesn't cease to amuse me that they continue to try)
Printing stuff off the internet and not even reading it isn't research and I'm getting it in the neck from the financial bods about the cost of printer cartridges so quit doing it!
The answer is NOT going to change if you keep asking me - I know it works at home because I've seen your family on their way around Asda but I'm not getting worn down, it's just giving me a headache.
Yes, I think SEAL can be boring at times as well - but I'm paid to do it so just sit quietly, give the required responses and the pain will be over soon for both of us.
Oh you hate me - that's nice, I don't get paid on popularity.
Or - oh you hate me because I won't let you doss about and waste your life - good I'm doing my job then.
"my heart was beating like an African drum," is an over-used cliche - and I never want to read it again!