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What can I do?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by kibosh, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I'm only posting to give you a hug and a kiss. What a horrible situation. The cavalry will be here any second now to offer advice.
    xxx
     
  2. You really have my sympathies. I don't have any expertise in this field. The only thing that occurred to me was could you let out your house, the rental market is very bouyant, and use that money to help pay for renting another larger property?
    Are you getting all the social services support that your mum is entitled to, now she has moved to a new area.
     
  3. Whilst my mum was well known to social services at her old home (she was referred to them after a spell in hospital - hence the carers), she has not been referred to them here. I dont know what I'm supposed to do.
     
  4. When your job ends you would eligible for an allowance as her carer.
    She may qualify for DLA which she should really be handing over to you
    as well.
    We had my very disabled mother living with us for several
    long stretches because although she couldn't cope at home she would not
    countenance a nursing home - for a long time until the numbers grew
    unmanagable in hospital, they would not let people with active MRSA
    infections live in nursing/residential homes. All her disabled access
    equipment came with her and the local GP hired the rest for us. It was,
    as you are discovering, a royal pain the **** most of the time.
    It
    was difficult to leave her for long because she couldn't manage stairs
    on her own (disabled-adapted downstairs bathroom at home). Her memory was poor because of the meds but she wouldn't admit it. Her constant pain meant she occasionally lacked sweetness of demeanour. We were thinking of building a two-storey extension to park her in with her house money but she didn;t want to live here all the time fortunately.
    I can't think of a nice way of putting this, but your Mum is very old. It may be that you don't have to put up with the clutter, the responsibility and the loss of freedom for long. It really isn't great when you're going through it, and even though it's what daughters generally expected to have to do only a couple of generations ago, I don't remember many of them being particularly delighted about it. But the alternative is to make your mind up to find a nursing home/sheltered accommodation and make her live there. Do you think you could do that?
     
  5. I think that you can get in touch direct, or if not via your/her GP. Among other things you may find that they can find placements for your mum, to allow you to have respite care and have a holiday away.
     
  6. Ring up the hospital she was at and ask them to contact Social Services in your area. She may have a medical social worker attached to her but I suspect that if she's living with you they heave a sigh a relief and cross another one off the lists.
    When Mum was staying here, the Elderly section of SS were always very helpful.
     
  7. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    Just wanted to send a big hug. It's not an easy situation to be in.
    As far as benefits go....if your mum isn't already getting DLA then as a pensioner the benefit you want to look at for her is Attendance Allowance. (DLA is only given to pensioners if they started getting it before they reached 65 - new claims for pensioners are Attendance Allowance).
     

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