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What am I doing with my life..................

Discussion in 'Personal' started by elisa1, Feb 5, 2011.

  1. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    Please please don't judge me...just asking peoples opinions.
    As some of you may no I'm having problems with my hubby, and have had since the Summer, when I had troubles even getting him abroad and away from his Mother, I don't get on with his Mum never have done really, she sees the fact that I'm independant no children etc a huge problem.
    Me and hubby are very different I went to Uni at 18 have MA, Phd etc, hubby left school at 16, he won't move away from near his Mum etc, I'm the breadwinner and as well as this hubby still expects me to wait on him like his Mum did and he doesn't drive meaning I have to do all this too. My job is very stressful and complex I can't write too much on here or I will identufy myself, I love nights out with my mates, hubby doesn't like socialising but is happy for me too.
    Anyway after the whole issue over the Summer where hubby wouldn't leave his Mum to come abroad with me...I did get him there eventually, I have began to feel so hurt and rejected...including comments from him like ...if you don't do my ironing I can always take it to my Mums or I don't care where I live with my Mum or you.....my self esteem began to plummet.
    Our sex life is non existant..he was a virgin when we married I have been married before...when we had sex I found it awful I tried telling him etc etc but he wouldn't take it on board.....
    Anyway most of you on here know about the painful end of my first marriage in 2004, and I now regret marrying again so soon I remarried in 2008 under pressure from his very Christian parents..... we didn't sleep together until our wedding night...
    I'm having an affair with a married man, and I know the rights and wrongs of this are a seperate debate...hes intelligent, I can talk to him, he makes me feel good, and the sex is amazing, I know he is with someone else...but I feel so much happier within myself, and its allowed me to focus on my marriage and all the flaws within it!!!! The fact is I regret it.....
    Where can I go from here??? My lover is 8 years older than me, and a much more experienced lover and I don't feel so taken for granted... I know its an unreal situation!!!
    My life is a mess and I don't know where to turn.......
     
  2. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    Please please don't judge me...just asking peoples opinions.
    As some of you may no I'm having problems with my hubby, and have had since the Summer, when I had troubles even getting him abroad and away from his Mother, I don't get on with his Mum never have done really, she sees the fact that I'm independant no children etc a huge problem.
    Me and hubby are very different I went to Uni at 18 have MA, Phd etc, hubby left school at 16, he won't move away from near his Mum etc, I'm the breadwinner and as well as this hubby still expects me to wait on him like his Mum did and he doesn't drive meaning I have to do all this too. My job is very stressful and complex I can't write too much on here or I will identufy myself, I love nights out with my mates, hubby doesn't like socialising but is happy for me too.
    Anyway after the whole issue over the Summer where hubby wouldn't leave his Mum to come abroad with me...I did get him there eventually, I have began to feel so hurt and rejected...including comments from him like ...if you don't do my ironing I can always take it to my Mums or I don't care where I live with my Mum or you.....my self esteem began to plummet.
    Our sex life is non existant..he was a virgin when we married I have been married before...when we had sex I found it awful I tried telling him etc etc but he wouldn't take it on board.....
    Anyway most of you on here know about the painful end of my first marriage in 2004, and I now regret marrying again so soon I remarried in 2008 under pressure from his very Christian parents..... we didn't sleep together until our wedding night...
    I'm having an affair with a married man, and I know the rights and wrongs of this are a seperate debate...hes intelligent, I can talk to him, he makes me feel good, and the sex is amazing, I know he is with someone else...but I feel so much happier within myself, and its allowed me to focus on my marriage and all the flaws within it!!!! The fact is I regret it.....
    Where can I go from here??? My lover is 8 years older than me, and a much more experienced lover and I don't feel so taken for granted... I know its an unreal situation!!!
    My life is a mess and I don't know where to turn.......
     
  3. Get yourself some self respect and leave both men with your dignity intact.
     
  4. Shifter

    Shifter New commenter

    I normally like both sides of the story, but sounds like you would be trading up.
    The New Caring (pis sed) Shifter
     
  5. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    My opinion?
    Accept that your marriage is over. Sounds like there is very little to fight for. Dump your married (cheating) lover - no chance of a future there (unless he leaves his wife, and don't hold your breath for that to happen). Get some counselling to get your head together and to help decide what you really want out of a relationship. Get looking for available men who fit the bill once you feel free of your baggage and are strong again.
     
  6. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Forget the affair and get out of the marriage!
    Your husband sounds like he'd rather be married to his mother. No way! And tell him to close the door behind him.
    Then deal with the affair, learn to love yourself again, go out with your mates and stay single for as long as it takes.
     
  7. I agree with Shifter, and I'm not even drunk.


     
  8. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Another thing. You may have a lot of work to do on yourself to get to the stage where you feel able to trust your own judgement again. Do the work or you will continue to make poor judgement calls.

     
  9. Didn't see the 'married' part.

    Shame he's married (as are you)

    One good thing from this is that it's allowed you to see your marriage for what it is. Deeply unsatisfactory.
     
  10. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    You can have some of my wine [​IMG]
     
  11. First the issue of the affair. You know that it has the potential to cause a great deal of harm and not just for yourself. That needs to stop.



    The second is your marriage. I would say you need professional help. Or you could ask him to go and stay with his mum for 4weeks and then see how you both feel after that? To me it doesn't seem that Your heart is in your marriage, you need to work out how to dismantle it.
     
  12. pibydd

    pibydd New commenter

    Sound (advice)
     
  13. The first marriage bit the dust. The second marriage is in the bin. I will eat my hat if this married man leaves his wife for you so sooner or later that one will end too.
    Cut yourself away from all this mess and make a decision to avoid seeking another partner for at least twelve months. Accept counselling.
     
  14. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I don't believe a word of the OP.
     
  15. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

  16. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    Your husband sounds like an absolute drag. Leave him and ditch the married lover. Stay single for a good long time then look for a man like your lover but single and faithful. There really is no shame in being single you know.
     
  17. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Sorry but it doesn't pass muster to me, kibosh. And I think the past threads were fabrications too. It doesn't add up.
     
  18. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    The husband's going to be kicking himself for blootering £2K on that eternity ring, I reckon... [​IMG]
     
  19. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    To sum up:
    "My husband's a drag so I started sh@gging someone else's husband. What shall I do?"
    Stop being stupid and selfish. End both relationships immediately. Do not start another relationship until you attain at least the emotional maturity of a salad.

     
  20. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Leave them all, buy a surfboard, catch some waves and gain a sense of perspective.

    Seriously.
     

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