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Wedding woes

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Shedman, Aug 16, 2019.

  1. Shedman

    Shedman Star commenter

    My daughter was invited to be the Matron of Honour at a friend’s wedding, let’s call the friend Sharon, not her real name. The wedding was to be a church service followed by a reception at a posh venue after the service. My three year old grandson was invited to be the page boy.

    Firstly, my daughter’s partner and father of my grandson didn’t receive an invite to the wedding. Sharon’s excuse was that she didn’t know and had not met my daughter’s partner. Actually my daughter’s partner seemed to be relieved that he wouldn’t have to go but it struck me that this was incredibly bad manners. My daughter went along with it because she didn’t want to upset Sharon.

    However, plans went ahead and my grandson was measured up for a little suit. In preparation for the wedding, Sharon, my daughter and my grandson attended a church service at the church in which Sharon was due to be married to get my grandson used to it before the wedding. My grandson behaved very well for a three year old, didn’t make a lot of noise but became a little unsettled towards the end.

    Now, just a few weeks before the wedding Sharon has announced that she doesn’t want my grandson to be present in the church at the wedding because they were spending a lot of money having the day videoed professionally and didn’t want anything to spoil the event. They suggested that my grandson could still be a page boy at the reception and wear his suit.

    Mrs Shedman and I had planned to look after my grandson in the church while my daughter did her Matronly duties but as my grandson was disinvited we would need to look after him at home and so we wouldn’t be at the church either. Sharon seemed a bit put out by this and suggested that my daughter’s partner could travel from home, about an hour away, to look after my grandson while we went to the church service and then collect him to take to the reception. We thought that was just rubbing salt into the wound.

    I can understand that people would want their wedding to go well but it feels to us that the guests to Sharon’s wedding, rather than being participants in a joyous celebration are instead merely an audience to what Mrs Shedman and I have christened ‘The Sharon Show’.

    We will be attending the reception with our grandson minus suit and going through the motions without causing any trouble but I can’t help but feel that we’ve been sh *t on from a great height.
    Jamvic, caress, knitone and 7 others like this.
  2. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    All very unthinking and very unfeeling and part and parcel of the prevailing "Princess" culture we are getting stuck with.
    I would be so tempted to bill her for the cost of the suit and just not go.

    However I know you won't do that ... because you have better breeding and manners. I just hope you can all enjoy some of the occasion - if in your shoes I would be asking for the daughter's 'plus 1' to be invited to the reception. I am quite sure the 'professional' photographer could have done any necessary editing out of any issue re your grandson. As a pageboy the only time in camera view would have been the arrival and preceding down the aisle. Surely he could then have been led to further back in the church to be with you ?
    Jamvic, caress, Laphroig and 6 others like this.
  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    A toddler does toddler-things. How does that spoil anything? If it's bank-heist and you're hiding out from the cops then you don't want a toddler breaking the silence with, "Wee-wee time!" I get that. But really? Let's face it. Sharon and fella will probably be divorced before 2030 and the video will be binned.

    The little boy can't even BE there during the ceremony? Just sitting with his grandparents and a Judith Kerr book or some Duplo???

    Sorry. The writing was on the wall.
    • Posh venue
    • Page boy
    • Matron of Honour
    • Professional video
    • Lot of money
    • Fancy suit
    • Excluding daughter's partner
    Nah. It was always going to be a soap-opera.
  4. Shedman

    Shedman Star commenter

    Our thoughts entirely!
  5. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Yep. S hat on by Sharon!

    My son is getting married next year. They are having SIX bridesmaids and SIX groomsmen. In a barn. Yep. And lots of kids running about. Yep.

    Dunty is keeping her gob well and truly SHUT.

    She will just turn up in a posh frock and will smile beatifically throughout the day.
    Jamvic, caress, silkywave and 16 others like this.
  6. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Is there a correlation between money spent and longevity of marriage?
  7. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    In my experience money spent and longevity are in inverse proportion to each other.
  8. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    I'm surprised your daughter hasn't suddenly discovered an urgent appointment somewhere abroad on the day;), and dropped out of the whole business...I know I would have, if I were treated as she & her family have been.
  9. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    There's a research PhD there for someone! My suspicion, like yours I think, is that there will be a correlation.
  10. LondonCanary

    LondonCanary Star commenter

    We are in year 31 after spending nothing.
    (Marriage is just too bourgeois © Ségolène Royal)
    lanokia, Lara mfl 05 and Shedman like this.
  11. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    It starts before the wedding - our youngest felt obliged to attend her princess friend's hen party, which was in Amsterdam. The whole thing was closely stage-managed by another friend, who being a teacher born of teachers had turned it into a sort of school trip complete with itinerary. At the end of it princess didn't seem that impressed, and our youngest who couldn't really afford to go lost a fair bit of money. Beware the stage-managed marriage.

    My recommendation:

  12. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    Personally I wouldn't go - not even if I were your daughter and matron of honour.

    And I might even not say so until the day before. Or the actual morning.
  13. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter


    According to a priest friend, the more time planning the wedding means less time planning the marriage.
    Benidorm83, Jamvic, knitone and 14 others like this.
  14. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    What @FrankWolley said. I think I'd be telling Sharon to stuff her wedding.
  15. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter

    No need to sink to their level of bad manners.
  16. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    Thank you Jiminy Cricket.
  17. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Why even bother? Can you imagine the hostility if he actually did have an outburst? You'll be miserable just watching him like a hawk. Forget it.
  18. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter


    Shedman likes this.
  19. BertieBassett2

    BertieBassett2 Star commenter

    Oh dear @Shedman - what a horrible situation for you all. I agree with what other posters have said but it can only be your decision and I would probably do the same in your situation. 'Sharon' is clearly a Bridezilla of the first order and the idea that a cute toddler could in any way 'spoil' her big day is laughable. Perhaps you'll let us know how it goes? Good luck.
    Jamvic, emerald52, pepper5 and 3 others like this.
  20. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    He only needs to drop his Fireman Sam under the pew and you'll be castigated for not "controlling" him.
    Lara mfl 05 and Shedman like this.

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