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Wedding and Money

Discussion in 'Personal' started by flimflam, Jul 28, 2011.

  1. I am getting married next year and have a small amount in savings. My dad has offered to make up the difference which is really lovely of him. The problem I have is that my dad has a tendency to 'emotionally blackmail' me and I don't know if it is worth all the **** ache that I will probably have to endure for the next however long. To avoid any pitfalls I suggested that instead of giving me the money that we see it as a loan that I will pay back once I am married. He argued that it was silly and I should just accept. I have persevered and said that we will pay him back. He has now agreed and I am wondering two things - The first is that he is still lending me the money which means he still has a hold over me and my fiance, the second is that maybe if I was going to face all the emotional **** anyway that I should've just taken the money and said 'thank you very much!' I am very, very lucky to have a dad that is in my life that wants to help but in the past a lot of stuff that he has helped me with has been thrown back in my face and I constantly have guilt. He often picks and choses when he wants to stay with me, I have to store things for him at my flat that take up lots of room, I have to look after and walk his dog whenever he wants and I just don't know if I can be bothered anymore. Lastly, he has a hideous girlfriend that I don't want to invite to the wedding (only met her once - but for a couple of weeks) but don't want to take the money if it means I have to invite her, or do I have to invite her even if I am borrowing the money? Any kind words of wisdom would greatly help me :) Thank you x
  2. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    My Dad'd not an alocoholic, and he's still a slippery customer. And there's nothing like money from slippery customers to make family life a nightmare.
    If I were you, I'd be tempted to accept the moeny gracefully, and then put it in a bank account ready to give back at the first signs of guilt trippery!! (wich I could take my own advice!!)
    And, I think others have said it here, but I'll say it again; in my view a wedding, a marriage is mot a private event between two indiviuals. It is a public, legal (to many, religious) event that involves the community and the families of which you are a part. Each family will have their own style, their own way of going about things, but, I think, as you are already finding, the celebration of a wedding becomes very quickly absolutely not your day!
    My parents were very close to divorcing when I got married - we kept it very simple indeed! And I do feel for you about the GFs and BFs of your parents. I have been to several weddings (including my sister's) where the family daggers were drawn, and the poor bride and groom were in the middle keeping the peace.
    Families, eh?!
  3. My dad is indeed an alcoholic, even to his own admission but argues that it does not affect anyone but him so what's the problem?! It is a problem and it affects just about everything my dad touches.I love my partner and can't wait to marry him so I am hoping that with his support we'll get through it all unscathed! thanks for replies x
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Why sympathy?
  5. joli2

    joli2 New commenter

    I'm sorry to hear his and it does complicate things. It's likely that others at your wedding know what he's like and will keep an eye on him. I hope it goes well and try not to worry too much.

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