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Wanting another baby...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by SarahMaths, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. Hi everyone, I've been lurking for a while but this is my first post :)

    I'm 36, have 2 beautiful children (aged 11 and 5) & would love love love to have another but the few people I've told think I'm crazy!

    One of my friends (in her late twenties) recently told me that she was thinking of starting a family, which led to me telling her that my husband and I are thinking of having another child. She looked shocked and said "Aren't you a little bit old for that now?"

    I don't think of my myself, or my husband, as being 'old' but maybe we are?

    Even my mum told me that it would be difficult being an 'older' mother & that we should be glad that we've "been through the worst of it" with the sleepless nights etc...

    I was only planning on having 2 children until about 6 months ago when my husband said "Wouldn't it be lovely to have just 1 more?" I thought about it all that night & haven't stopped thinking about it since!

    This is may sound sad, (in fact, I know it does!), but I've made a list of 'pros' and 'cons' of having another baby:


    - The child would be loved so so much!

    - We already have a girl and a boy, so it's not as though I want another just to 'finally have a girl', for example.

    - We're in a very happy, stable marriage. (Been together since we were teenagers)

    - We're 'financially secure'. By no means are we 'loaded' but we're comfortable and could afford to have another child

    - We have a room that could easily be turned into the baby's room, so there's no need to move house.


    - We're not getting any younger.

    - Friends and family aren't as supportive about this as I thought they'd be.

    That's about it really, but it's the age factor that's worrying me the most. I know we're not ancient, but I'd probably be one of the oldest mums waiting outside the Reception class!

    I know that nobody can tell me whether or not we should have another child, I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not crazy for wanting this & that we're not too old!

    Any advice, thoughts, experience...anything, would be greatly appreciated. Even it's not what I want to hear - please be brutally honest! Oh and feel free to ask about anything I haven't mentioned!

    Sarah xxx
  2. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    Go for it, of that's what you want. You're definitely not too old. One of my colleagues had her first baby at 36! Another has 4 kids, the youngest is 3, the eldest 16, and she's 43. Someone else I know had her 3rd last year at 35, and her other 2 were 11 and 7.
  3. Go for it!

    You've obviously given it a lot of thought and, as you already have 2 children, you know how much work is involved in raising a child so I know that you're not rushing into it.

    Just being nosy here but do you mind me asking if you've told your children about this and what they think etc? Also, another nosy question, how old is your OH? :)
  4. We haven't old them yet but I think they'd love another brother or sister. My daughter is brilliant with her younger brother, so there shouldn't be a problem there :)

    Oh, and my OH is 37.

  5. Thank you - it's nice to be told that I'm not an old woman quite yet!

    Sarah xxx
  6. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    I think go for it if it's what you both (all?) want. 36 isn't old to be going for your third; I'm 32 and still hoping for 1st. As someone else said, my friend had her first at 37 and went on to have another. Perhaps you could approach it in a fairly casual way - i.e. not pinning all hopes on it: have lots of sex and don't take precautions and what will be will be. At the end of the day, at least you have 2 lovely children and actually they're well-spaced as far as introducing another is concerned.
    I wish you all the luck in the world!
  7. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I'm 32, and only had my first baby last year at 31. If we have another one i'd be at least 33 as it's my birthday in Oct and i'm not pregnant now! So if we were to have 3, i'd probably be about 35/36 by then. My husband will be 36 this year and i don't think of him as old (well, he certainly doesn't act it! lol).
  8. As others have said, go for it!

    I'm sure that your friends and family would be very supportive if you were to tell them that you were pregnant, so don't worry about that!

    Also, one of my colleagues is currently on maternity leave after having her 1st baby at 38 & she's already planning Baby No. 2, so you're definitely not too old!

    Good luck & keep us informed! xxx
  9. You should go for it!!
    My mum had her 3rd last year aged 44 after having both myself and my brother in her early 20s (there's a year between me and my brother),
    As my sister reaches her first birthday she is so loved, and even those who weren't so sure when the pregnancy was first announced totally adore her... and I know my mum is so happy she finally had her 3rd!
    Good Luck xx
  10. bundalph

    bundalph New commenter

    Your friends should take a good look around the ante-natal clinics! Lots of women are having children well into their thirties and early forties. I am having my first and I am in my late thirties. Fertility does decrease with age right enough, but you can be lucky. My OH and I struck lucky and I got pregnant first time round! And I am technically termed a "geriatric primagravida". There's life in the old girl yet ;)
  11. I don't think you're too old at all - my friend is 40 and just had her 3rd and I don;t see her as being 'older' than me (I'm 30). I'm due to pop out my first soon and would like 3 children so would probably be trying when I'm your age. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into the idea of a third child and I wouldn't worry about what anyone else says - it was probably just a throwaway comment.
  12. I don't think 36 is too old at all- the ante natal class I attended had parents aged from 28-40.... If I have 3 kids I will probably be about 36 by the time number 3 is born- husband slightly older, and a friend has just had her last (probably!!) at 39...
    think , in general, people are having babies slightly later in life now- so 36 will not make you one of the older ones- probably fairly average!
    If it is what you want, go for it.
  13. It seems to me that the only things worrying you are your ages, which the other posters have already pointed out is really not so unusual these days, and what family and friends will think. It may be that others aren't in such a lucky situation as you where your partner is actually wanting another baby and you can also afford one too, there might be a touch of jealousy involved or a little bit of 'if only'.
    Seems like you have everything in place and nothing on the cons side looks too daunting... go for it, and see what happens! Good luck x
  14. Hi, my 2 boys are 11 and 9 and number 3 is due in september, by which time I will be 40. This was not a planned pregnancy, but family, friends and colleagues are all really supportive. I am much more relaxed about it all (now I've got over the surprise!!) and people are passing on loads of baby stuff - some of which was mine to start with! I will have the oldest and youngest children from my group of friends for now - although my sister is planning baby no 2, she had no 1 last year at 37. The only slightly negative thing in regard to the timing is that this baby is due the first week back after the summer, and my oldest will be starting secondary school the same week, so he is a bit stressed about all of it - that is just bad luck and 2 weeks either way would probably have resolved that anyway!
  15. i had my first at 34!! next one will be at least 36!

  16. I agree with everyone and also think you should go for it. You obviously very much want another child and it's nothing to do with anyone else. You're friends/family might not seem supportive now, but that will change once the baby arrives. My aunt (who is 42) had her third baby in June after a 14 year gap (he was an accident, bless him) and we all rally round to help and her girls have been fantastic and 11 years ago a cousin of mine got really broody and had her 3rd after a 10 yr gap and no-one said a thing. They both went on to have happy, healthy babies ans we wouldn't be without them!
  17. i think there is something in people saying it's harder when you're older. i have a friend who had two kids in her early 20s and then another in her mid 30s. she has been struggling with stress and exhaustion recently and told me whilst in tears that had she realised how hard she would find the third, she wouldn't have kept it (deliberately being gender neutral here as i don't want her recognised!). she said she's a bad mother, she can't cope with the constant demands of teenagers and a preschooler and that she just didn't have enough time, energy and patience for her third child.
  18. Go for it!
    My mum was 38 when she had me [her last] I have lots of older siblings the biggest age gap being 18 years. I loved having older siblings as they spoiled me rotten and my mum was glad of the help as they all wanted to take me out and show me off!
    I also think it helped my deveopment as I walked really early and could read, write my name etc before I started school as my brother taught me.
    Good luck in whatever you decide x
  19. Hey sarahmaths,
    You sound like me! I'm 35 and OH is 36, we've been together since we were teenagers, and have a 17 year old. We're currently trying for number two! It's an exciting yet terrifying time and I've had nothing but good wishes from those we have told. We don't feel old at all (and we both look pretty damn good too!)
    Go for it, and come and join us on the TTC thread! x
  20. Thank you all for your replies!

    It's lovely to have some support and I think, if I were to fall pregnant, my friends and family would come round to the idea quickly enough! :)

    If it happens for us, I'll be the over moon & if it doesn't...well, at least we tried!

    Sarah xxx

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