1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice
  3. The Teacher Q&A will be closing soon.

    If you have any information that you would like to keep or refer to in the future please can you copy and paste the information to a format suitable for you to save or take screen shots of the questions and responses you are interested in.

    Don’t forget you can still use the rest of the forums on theTes Community to post questions and get the advice, help and support you require from your peers for all your teaching needs.

    Dismiss Notice

Urgent- Controlled crying

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by EBC, Aug 29, 2011.

  1. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Hi all, sorry for the urgency but decided to try contolled crying- researched it lots and all other techniques but all roads have led us to try this one. TONIGHT.
    So far so good, because she was soooooooo sleepy. One thing I haven't found an answer to is do we use the dummy or not? Tonight she's fallen asleep without it but what happens when she wakes tonight??
    For those of you who have done it- as we didn't have the crying straight away tonight- it will happen...do I just continue with the technique-- settle for 2 mins, leave, wait 5 mins- settle for 2 mins, leave, wait 7 mins, etc When I go in...do i put a dummy in???
    Thanks xxx
  2. Sorry can't comment about dummy as my LO doesn't have one.
    Controlled crying has worked brilliantly for us but we do the timings differently to what you suggest. We do settle for 2 mins, leave, wait for 5 mins, settle for 1 min, leave, wait 5 mins, settle for 1 min, etc. In other words we always leave for 5 mins. It works for us. My HV said she didn't recommend leaving baby for more than 5 mins at a time, but I know everyone is different. It is tough at first and you have to be completely consistent but my LO got it very quickly and she never cried for ages and ages.
  3. My 2 daughters were up 3 ot 4 times every night from birth so I knew I needed to take drastic action. I loved the controlled crying method as it was the only way I got my 2 to sleep through the night. Don't know about dummies as mine have never had them sorry. She will wake up and she will cry the house down but be strong, my first daugter cried for 2 hours when I did it with her at 8 months but the next time she woke for only 20 minutes and then she has slept through every night since (she is now 3 years old) The second took 3 nights of crying for anwhere up to an hour but now sleeps through till 7am every night (she is 1 next week). Keep popping in and firmly say the same thing every time. I said to mine: "Bedtime now go to sleep" and then walk out. It will only work if you and your partner are completely committed. We live in a semi and I warned my neighbours we were doing itso they knew whta was going on. I got my husband to sleep downstairs as I knew he would be the first to crack. Hope this advice is useful. It seems cruel when you do it but it is the best thing for everyone in the long run. If it makes you feel better, when I was sleep training daughter number 2, I asked my eldest if she remembers me leaving her to cry. She has absolutley no recollection of it and I don't think she believed it ever happened. She was glad when we trained her sister as they share a room!!
  4. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    OK, thanks for the CC responses. So you went in every 5 mins until she fell asleep and you didn't need to go in anymore?
  5. we've never left LO to cry for more than 5 minutes, and it was so tough we actually timed 5 mins on our phone. i'm not sure it matters if you put the dummy in during the comforting or not. might help to kill two birds with one stone and get rid of that at the same time?
  6. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    I didn't think it went well at all last night. After 50 mins -went in every 5 mins- I gave in. She was crying uncontrollably, for 50 mins. I didn't see how she would have eventually give up so I caved.
    I want to try again tonight. Am already stressing myslef out but feel determined. I'm so exhausted I have to do something about her waking during the night.
    Any more advice from those who have done it??

  7. I sound so cruel reading this, we just left our first to cry! We didn't pop in every 5 minutes, I don't think that would have worked at all. :(
    So basically, night 1, he cried for a long time, the next night a little less, the next night a little less and then he slept. I can't rememberr how long but it was definitely more than 5 minutes!!
  8. I could have written your exact post a year ago... don't worry and please don't stress as she will pick up on it. Here's our experience:
    We did our own version as we also used a dummy with ours. She still has one now (20 months) and it's fine. She was waking anything up to 6 times a night from 6-8 months and I felt I had to do something (she had been sleeping through from 2-6 months so I knew she could do it!)
    We left her to cry for 5 mins and then went in, didn;t pick her up, just popped dummy in and rested our hand quite heavily on her tummy to calm her, then said good night it's bedtime and left the room. Left her for 5 mins, in to do same routine, etc etc. First night was about 2 hours, second night about an hour and has slept through (illness excepted!) ever since. We still use the dummy to settle her. Sometimes she throws it out of her cot but doesn't wake up. I don't mind using the dummy but am sure there are a massive number of mums here who disagree! Am going to tackle that little one another time! Number 2 on the way so don;t want to disrupt her too much at the moment!
    We also had a really consistent bedtime routine: bath, chill for a bit, read stories, bottle, bed at 7.30...every night without fail...
  9. I did my own version of controlled crying. I stayed with her, put her in her cot - cue instant crying, waited for 2 minutes and then picked her up, calmed her down (generally waited around 2 minutes of calm) and then put her down again. (When I left her to cry for around 5 minutes, or longer she worked herself up so much she was sick.) Eventually LO got the message that I wasn't going to cuddle her to sleep and stuck her thumb in and dozed off. Once I got to the point where I could put her down and she quietened down, I then left the room to let her send herself off to sleep. Now I give her a bottle, put her down and leave the room. I did wait for a long weekend when my OH was around to give me a lie-in/make me a cup of tea/take LO so I could have a nap in the afternoon as I don't think I could have done it otherwise.
  10. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Thanks for that- some really good advice. I know where I went wrong now..I think i went in too many times too often.
    I'm ready for tonight. I even spoke to a lady from cry-sis. She talked me through the routine and i feel calmer. Well, so far!!
    I'm allowing myself an hour and a half- possibly 2 hours- if I stick to the timings- Can it really go on for 3 hours??? Yes, but we'll see. Hubby home tonight so I have the ectra support. xxxx
  11. How did it go? Hope you got some sleep.
  12. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    Hi - Am also interested to see how it went? My little boy will be one in about 3 weeks and has never slept through the night, not once. I tried CC twice but caved in both times. I'm desperate but dont't know if I can do it. LO is the worst he's ever been at night. He goes to bed well but wakes between 12 and 2 and we cannot get him to sleep in his cot. Basically I think he now knows if he cries long enough we'll put him in our bed, which we've done for the past month to get sleep. I was all set to do CC last night but then he had a temperature so we didn't do it in the end. I spoke to our HV yesterday who said CC is prob the best option as it does give good fast results but I asked about getting rid of the dummy at the same time and she said that might be making life abit too difficult and to give the baby some comfort - so I don't know what to do about the dummy now??
    I'm not sure if I could do it for 3 hours - he gets hysterical after 5 minutes and it takes forever to calm him down then. I get so excited when I read CC success stories - maybe there is hope for us yet xx
  13. I had to do CC with both of mine, and like a previous poster, after a little while we just had to leave them to cry! It was heartbreaking at the time, but both of mine now go to bed with very little fuss (except for when my 3 year old daughter wants to do delaying tactics!) My 15 month old son doesn't even really want a cuddle from me when we get into his room - it's like, "Get me into bed, Mum, I'm tired!"
    It is really hard at first, but it is very much worth it in the end! Good luck x
  14. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Hi all,
    Its all very interesting this controlled crying. I used to hate the term sleep training but it is a good saying.
    I caved after the first night but not forgetting I went in every 5 mins and it made things worse. The next day after more research of family and friends- I found an organisation called cry-sis, they have a help line and another web-site called Baby sleep answers. I spent a good while talking to them and got my questions answered and wrote down my plan so I knew exactly what to do.
    The first official night- I went in every 5, 5, 5 mins. Then 10, 10 10 mins, then 15, 15, 15 and planned on 20, 20, 20. I timed these on my phone. She did scream, cry, wiggle, cough and was sick a little. I stayed upstairs in my room, tv on and mute on. I felt more assured that i could hear her cries. After 1 hour 25 mins- she calmed a little..would really cry but then stop for 2 mins, then cry, stop for 3 mins. Before I started, in my head I said that i expected and hour and half of crying. She still was crying and said to hubby if its 2 hours I will give in. BUT...by 1 hour 40 mins- she did calm and fall asleep. She didn't wake at all, she woke at 8.30am.
    For the first time ever..I never had to get up in the middle of the night.
    Night 2- she again cried and screamed. I had my plan and phone next to me. Stuck to it. Went in at 5, then again 5 mins more..but hten before 15 mins were up..she was asleep. She did cry at 3am but again, stuck to the plan, went in after 5 mins...but again by 5 mins more, she was alseep- woke at 8am.
    Night 3- tonight- Again- wide awake when put in her cot, fully fed, she screamed and cried. Went in at 5 mins- timer on...she was asleep before I had to go in 5 mins later. Again, I will do the same if she wakes in the morning.
    I was very strong, didn't cry like some others have said, I knew that i was going to stick to it and if she really was never going to stop after 2 hours I would have put a stop to it. I believe in expecting 1 hour and half for the first night.
    It has worked for her and honestly...trained me. For example, I heard her have a little cry at about 1am, and usually I would have gone in and picked her up or talked to her but I just left her. If she really cried for longer than 2 mins, I would have started timing and stuck to the plan.
    I'm sleeping well- so is she.
    I've heard that she can have a bad night again, but I feel I will go back to this plan and know how to cope rather than giving in to my tiredness and put her in our bed.
    Good luck to those trying to decide on CC. xx
  15. huge congrats hun x i never realised this was what controlled crying was and it was only reading your post that i realised that this was what we did back when LO was 6 months and still wanting 2 feeds a night!
    the first night was awful, he cried for 20mins before falling asleep. next night was 10 minutes, 3rd night he cried for 2 minutes then went quite. since then he doesn't cry when we put him to bed - he cuddles his sleep-time teddy (we always give him this teddy - naps and night time - when we want him to sleep) and falls asleep quietly, sleeping through.
    it's so tough - and you've had it far worse than me, we struggled to last the 20 minutes! - but so worth it in the long run.
  16. Snap - I feel like a casual mum now. Having said that we did try going in but she was so angry that we just found it better to leave her. We now have a fantastic sleeper (except when teething...)
  17. Dimebar- have you moved yours to a big girl bed yet? I ask because we had an amazing sleeper and now it's hit and miss- the last 3 nights she's been up loads. As you know I am nearly 39 weeks preg plus on top of that oh is away at the mo- I found myself getting really angry with her last night which I really feel guilty about :-( stupid supernanny didn't work- going in, putting her back in bed, going out again; she became hysterical!! Any mums of toddlers in big boy or girl beds out there who can offer some advice? Thanks. I can't carry on like this as we'll have a newborn very soon..... Imagine!!
  18. Clematis - mine isn't in a big girls bed yet but will be soonish but just wanted to say my LO is going through a bad sleeping patch at the moment where she keeps waking up and is REALLY hard to settle - been doing controlled crying and its making me glad she is still in a cot at the moment! No idea why this has suddenly happened as she has been a regular 7pm-7am girl since 6 months and 9pm-7am from 11 weeks. Makes me realise how good she is normally!
  19. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Try the websites I mentioned above- they might have some tips for toddlers. I guess its yet another phase they go through.??
  20. lucchese

    lucchese New commenter

    It's really interesting to hear how your LO is going through a bad patch at exactly the same age, Rwe. My LO was fine until 2 months ago, then from one night to the next wouldn't self settle at bedtime and took ages to drop off, but was still sleeping through. Then he started waking in night and just wouldn't settle and we had to bring him in bed for the rest of the night. Now, touch wood, he is sleeping through again (only the last few days) but takes about 1 or 2 hours to settle in the evening (last night he went to sleep at 10pm after making himself sick from crying :( I was so upset as he has never got in such a state before but at 9pm I had to go down and have my dinner and leave him as I was shaking from hunger. Tonight he went down at 8.30 as we tried putting him to bed at 7.30pm (so still took about 45 mins to drop off once in the cot). I am dreading moving him to a toddler bed as he will be coming out of his room continually.
    I am really not cut out for this controlled crying, I like to go in when I feel the crying is getting too much, and if I go in too early, it just unsettles him more. And once I'm in the room I tend to stay for ages, not just one or two minutes, just to see if he will fall asleep without me having to endure more crying. I don't think he has ever dropped off by himself in the last two months, only a couple of times for his afternoon nap. Now I am too scared to leave him to cry after last night. I think it is a major case of separation anxiety as he seems afraid to close his eyes and has to keep checking I am still there so tonight I stayed in the room with him lying next to his cot on a bed (instead of bending over cot) and that seemed to work.
    Hope things get better for you Clematis. It's so hard with a big fat tummy :(

Share This Page