I don't know how to explain this. Six years ago when I was 30 and we were expecting our first, I had a full time job in a school a good 45 minutes drive away, which just about killed me even before having a baby. We'd bought a beautiful home we loved with a large mortgage. My subject was a shortage and was in demand. Then we decided to have a second. I just have to stress, I love my second daughter more than I can explain here, but her arrival really put a huge strain on us (through no fault of her own) as she was born very early and was in SCBU for some time. Our first daughter wasn't quite two. I was in a constant state of anxiety even after she came out of hospital and decided after talking to my husband to give up work and be a full time mum for a while. We could manage on one salary although money would be tight, and I planned to go back when our youngest was at school. In that time, my subject went from one where teachers were urgently needed to one with a huge surplus of teachers, also coinciding with school closures in the area and merging with other schools to become academies. Living with next to no money was stressful and miserable for us both, I tried to find another post but couldn't. I ended up taking a job in Asda at evenings and weekends which has helped our finances but not our marriage, time together is rare. Our youngest starts school next September and I've just found I'm pregnant. It wasn't planned. Not keeping it isn't really an option but I don't feel happy or excited, just miserable. I feel so sorry for this poor baby. How will I cope?