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Unmarried couple in Maadi, Cairo

Discussion in 'Teaching overseas' started by flutterbysky, Jun 7, 2007.

  1. Hey!

    Just looking for some advice. I'm moving out to Cairo (most likely Maadi) in August.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and he is not coming out with me at that time. However, if he came over to visit, would it be acceptable for him to say with me in my flat even though we are not engaged/married?

    Thanks
     
  2. Hey!

    Just looking for some advice. I'm moving out to Cairo (most likely Maadi) in August.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and he is not coming out with me at that time. However, if he came over to visit, would it be acceptable for him to say with me in my flat even though we are not engaged/married?

    Thanks
     
  3. When I lived there, the only problem was some landlords who thought they wouldn't go to heaven if they allowed unmarried couples in their property.

    There was no problem with the law.
     
  4. Some of the boabs(caretakers) of the bulidings get shirty about it too. You could always introduce him as your brother,seems to work!
     
  5. kitfo

    kitfo New commenter

    Why can't you just introduce him as your husband? End of story. As long as you are not taking different people back to your apartment there shouldn't be a problem; avoid the places where you feel there will be. What has been said about the boabs is true though, just get your story straight from the start!
     
  6. Just make sure you don't get caught in the web of lies just not to offend. When asked if me and my g-friend were married we then got asked when we were married and promptly received an aniversary congratulations card some months later!!!

    just get a couple of cheap rings, put them on the correct fingers and say nothing. Don't get into conversations with the doormen about your personal life.

    We have found out that most people in Egypt don't really care what the foreigners do really as far as this thing goes.

    THEY WOULD HOWEVER get shirty if it was for example and egyptian girl and english guy living together but unmarried. vice-versa is the same.

    Enjoy, maadi is great fun!!

    MF
     
  7. Thanks for the advice! I'll make sure I get my story straight before I come out and buy two rings! :)
     
  8. Sorry for the poor grammar above haha!
     
  9. why dont you flippin get married....its not hard u know!!!!

    or dont u want comittment??

    or maybe u KNOW you will end up divorcing??

    life is simple keep it that way!!!

     
  10. kitfo

    kitfo New commenter

    That would be Abu Saffa, the boab's wife, then.
     
  11. Her English is great - text talk and everything!
     
  12. Sorry to be a wet blanket but two things need thinking about here.
    1. In Egypt, teachers still retain a very high professional status in the eyes of Egyptians. Salaries although low by UK standards are incredibly high in comparison to the locals and all teachers are in the "A" social status bracket on salary criteria. How sad then that you are contemplating a fraud on the customs of the society here - hardly what anyone would expect from a foreign "expert" and only likely to bring all of us into disrepute- a repeat perhaps of what has happened in UK and the reason most of us left in the first place. If you believe teaching is a profession and not just a way of making a few bob then you have to accept the mores placed upon you - think Doctor or Diplomat. Please don't put two fingers up to deeply held beliefs.
    2. Practicalities. As there is no legal connection between you and your partner, the partner will get a tourist visa (2 months) and the benefits of a tourist (few). In the event of a disaster, road accident, major illness or whatever, the partner has no legal rights or responsibilities and the other half would have potential trauma as a legal bystander. It happened to a girl I knew in Thailand when her partner was seriously injured in a road crash and she suffered a lot - particularly when he sadly died after 3 weeks in a coma and a relative had to be flown out fom England to make arrangements to ship the body back. Ghastly.
    Incidentaly, should a female partner become pregnant and have the child, in Egypt I understand that the "father" if not married has no rights and in fact the employer would legally assume the rights..that's something to think about too.

    So, it seems to me you could be creating a shed load of problems for yoursleves by "living in sin"...

    Think about it.

     
  13. Abu Saffa and Dishdash, I neither wish to get into a war of words with anyone nor offend anyone (goodness knows that goes on enough on these boards). I was merely enquiring about my particular situation since I will be away from my partner for two years and we will wish to see each other during that time.

    Abu Saffa please don?t presume to know about or understand my personal circumstances to suggest I should get married and ESPECIALLY to be so cheeky as to suggest that my relationship, which you know nothing of, would end up in divorce. That was just sheer bad manners.

    Furthermore, neither of you know anything of my own personal beliefs, which I hold strong and true. I am not considering ?living in sin? and if my boyfriend were to visit, he would be accompanied by my parents.

    In terms of wearing a ?wedding? ring, this has already been suggested by a number of Caireans I have spoken to (all of whom have firm Islamic beliefs) to ensure I feel safer and more secure as a female on my own in the city.

    If I had a lack of respect for different cultures, as Dishdash suggests, I wouldn?t have bothered enquiring in the first place.

    Please smile and be happy, I am not intending to come out to Cairo to corrupt everyone and encourage sinful ways?as much as you would wish to suggest such a thing! ;)
     
  14. Thank you though Dishdash for your genuine advice, it is appreciated. I just don't like people making assumptions about me when they don't know me!
     
  15. Dishdash,

    There's a thriving market for western teachers in countries like Egypt because plenty of people there DO want more western influence in their society. I don't think you should label everybody with your own conservative views. Cairo was fun when I was there and it probably still is now.

    Your second point was a bit self defeating. If there was a dreadful accident, you suggest it is better for the loved one not to be present; to be in a different country? I think I'd rather be there for my partner, at such a time, even if it meant fibbing to the boab.

    Finally, I think it is better to 'live in sin,' as you call it, than risk going to heaven when you die and having all eternity with a bunch of religious-types. Anywhere has to be better than that.
     
  16. I wouldn't worry at all about your boyfriend coming over to visit. As others have suggested, buy a couple of wedding rings and make sure that you mention a few days before he comes that your husband is coming over. Better to do it that way than to wait until he arrives and then introduce him.

    Boabs are very mixed. Some are very traditional and some are relaxed but will want to look out for you.

    Comments by Abu Saffa and Dishdash are ridiculous and I find them to be insulting. I know that by pretending he's your husband is pulling the wool over their eyes but I think it's a lot more respectful than flaunting it about in their faces that you are not married. I know you're not going to be living with your boyfriend, but I know loads of people out here who do live together and are not married and have no problems. Hope you enjoy your time in Ma'adi. Best of luck.
     
  17. I am only trying to point out some of the hypocrocies and contradcitions the western people have in their ways and cultures.

    Marriage is good thing and if u have been living with someone for 6 years then surely that is a long time for u to have made ur minds??

    let me just give u an example....in the uk the asian people who invite their husbands/wives from the sub-continent have to provide proof that the person they are inviting are actually their legal partners (husband/wife). Without this condition the answer from the home office is simply NO.

    without getting bogged down in a debate....my point is simply that the western people make rules for people in their home countries but when when they go to live away in another country they still expect "their" rules to still apply....i think its called imperialism.

     
  18. Thanks for the advice overtime and ilovecolinfirth (i love the name btw!), it does put me at ease!

    Abu Saffa, I haven't been living with my boyfriend for 6 years, we have been seeing each other for 6 years. He still lives with his parents (who are both very conversative, Catholic Italians might I add!!), and I with mine (also Catholic)!

    You can probably guess then that we are both still relatively young and want to experience a bit more of life before settling down with each other and choosing to get married.

    It is extremely sad the way the world works in terms of different rules for different people, but please don't make me a scapegoat for the choices the UK Government choose to impose. I just wish to come out to Cairo, do my job well & get to see my partner from time to time! Surely that doesn't deserve a witchhunt!

    It's been amazing to see the debate that has ensued over such a question! Very interesting! :)

    Hope everyone reading this is well, especially those enjoying the sunshine in Maadi, I can't wait to come out there!
     
  19. Do as others have suggested. You can refer to him as your husband if you like or if he is coming out with your parents fiance would be acceptable. They being your chaperones etc - this would be approved of.

    Abu Saffa - entirely different scenario regarding visas etc

    "let me just give u an example....in the uk the asian people who invite their husbands/wives from the sub-continent have to provide proof that the person they are inviting are actually their legal partners (husband/wife). Without this condition the answer from the home office is simply NO."

    The visas you are talking about are spouse visas where someone is applying to come to the country as an existing spouse or with the intention of getting married WITH A VIEW TO SETTLING IN THE COUNTRY. When visiting Egypt any foreigner going does not need to get a visa in advance. You pay on arrival in the country for your TOURIST visa.
     

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