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Unhappy and desperate

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by changedforannon, Sep 18, 2017.

  1. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    You have my utmost sympathy.

    You have been more than reasonable - you've gone well beyond the call of duty. If the school will never take action because they don't want to lose face, then I think that seals the deal. (It's astonishing the lengths people and organizations will go to save face. Such lengths are not to be underestimated.) Essentially it's a toxic school. It is an enormous shame, but that's how it is. In a way it's not just this one appalling person that's the problem - it's the fact that she has the support of the school.

    I know almost nothing about what legal action you might take (if any), but I agree that it's pure wishful thinking that one day she'll be found out, and get her comeuppance. Yes in a "just" world things like this wouldn't happen. In the real world they do. The guilty often go unpunished - it's a fact of life.

    The deputy head who you spoke to is now aware of your feelings, and has the chance to act, and change things, if he/she wants to. From what you've said though, it seems extremely unlikely. Perhaps give them till the end of this week to approach you with what they intend to do about it.

    If you don't hear anything, then I go along with what @sabrinakat and @Yoda- have advised, i.e. leave.
     
    sabrinakat, pepper5, henrypm0 and 2 others like this.
  2. Peace11

    Peace11 New commenter

    Not good for your health to stay there.

    SLT aren't likely to take your concerns seriously particularly if they take the attitude that she is being undermined because you both went for the same job.
    Frankly do you want to work for a school that are letting you stagnate in the role of a second for 10 years when they are aware you want to progress?
    Have they offered you any other route up the leadership pathway?
     
    sabrinakat and EmanuelShadrack like this.
  3. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage.

    The HoD is really making your situation worse and I totally sympathise. It does seem a shame if you want to stay but you feel you have to go, but I think staying will be bad for your mental health.

    If you feel the staff member you explained a bit to won't help you out and the school won't act if the HoD is cancelling lessons, then it sounds best to leave. In the meantime, run everything past the HoD/confirm what they've said or asked you to do by email and bcc your personal email in. At least you'll be keeping a record if you ever need it.

    Think of yourself and your own health first. No job is worth putting it at risk, especially when you are going through a tough time.

    I hope you find a new job soon and keep going til then.
     
  4. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    Please involve your union. This is bullying. She is running scared of your competence.
     
    install and EmanuelShadrack like this.
  5. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    A definite must- always have a 'paper trail' and one which you have copies of, in caseanything should be 'accidentally deleted'.
    This is your primary concern.
     
    pepper5 and EmanuelShadrack like this.
  6. changedforannon

    changedforannon New commenter

    Thank you for everyone one who gave me such good advice and support when I was in a really bad place.

    I stuck it out despite everything getting worse around me as I could see my department collapsing and the students getting more miserable, Finally SLT decided that despite what had been said, everything wasn't my fault (all errors had been blamed on me over 18 months), that I wasn't the bully and that complaints from students and parents couldn't be ignored.

    She was given her walking orders and September already looks so much better - I was too broken to apply for the post that she vacated and so have a new HoD to work with from September. This woman has already been more interested and cooperative in a few months (whilst she hasn't been working at the school) than the last was in two years.

    I'm not sure that I would advise the sticking it out to others. It almost broke me and I only survived as I had a very supportive DH who decided that she believed me. I'm still a little worried about the group of cronies that she has left behind (the lies that I've heard about myself already) but hopefully without her there it will all fizzle out.

    If you are in this situation it is so important to keep records and I ended up screenshotting everything written in shared documents as she had a tendency to "edit" them to cover her own back. Good supportive friends are essential too.

    I'm finally starting to feel human and am looking forward to being able to do my job again. Also looking forward to not having to do more than one persons job for once!
     
  7. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Started reading this thread without realising it was a couple of years old … was feeling so upset and worried for you, @changedforannon. Was about to add my thoughts when I read your new post … such good news. Well done for working through the horrors; the fact that your awful HOD was eventually given her marching orders does show that common sense still prevails some of the time! I think the problems you fear with her group of friends will fizzle out now that she is gone. Very best wishes for the new school year - hope you will feel ready to apply for that HOD post somewhere before too long! Sending a hug x
     
  8. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    Glad to hear things are looking brighter. Best of luck for the new year.
     
  9. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Karma..... it all came out in the end. Well done for facing it out. I can quite understand your reluctance to leave a job and kids you had loved. The waiting game worked and I hope it didn't do too much damage.
    I am sorry you didn't feel able to apply for the HoD role but it may well be better to take a breather and let things settle back to the dept it used to be.
    Forget that HoD - it is someone else's problem now. You have been vindicated; you can cement that by getting back to the wonderful teacher, 2nd in dept you were before her "reign". Lesson learned.... the world is full of some not nice people and that you have to watch your back. I hope your new HoD values you and is a totally different kettle of fish.
    Have a great return in Sept and relish bing in the school without that toxic person.
     
  10. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    So good to hear a happy ending. Well done for sticking it out.
    Don't forget that you will remain emotionally vulnerable for some time - there will be a "hang-over" from all the stress and unhappiness.Be gentle with yourself. I was once told by someone wise that it takes a good two years to recover froma trauma, and that even when the effects may be mended, you can still go right back into the stress zone very quickly, if something triggers it.
    But this IS good news.
    Take care.
     
  11. grumbleweed

    grumbleweed Lead commenter

    I don't have anything to add but wish you well as the new year starts and hope it's what you want it to be.
     
  12. CWadd

    CWadd Star commenter

    I feel for you.

    I've had the "don't know why you're so tired, you don't have a child" line from an utter **** of a boss who also made mistakes that were laughably easy to spot and didn't even follow basic practice, such as marking. Her persistent excuse was that the baby was ill, or she had to take him out, etc, etc. Apparently I don't understand that because I do not have children. Eventually, she was also told to go, but regrettably I'd also handed my notice in to go to a new post, citing her as a reason.

    I'm pleased she's gone. I'm also pleased you stayed and didn't let her push you out. Hopefully you will have a better year. Best wishes to you.
     
  13. tenpast7

    tenpast7 Occasional commenter

    A very tricky situation to be in. You are obviously dealing with an insecure HOD and this is amplified by your strong capabilities and knowledge of your School/Subject.
    The HOD will probably "dig their own grave" ultimately and get promoted to SLT.
    I guess it comes down to you remaining professional but not being a Mug for this person.
    Cover your own back where possible, and do your best to help your own pupils to progress.
    Remember if things go South then the HOD should "Carry the Can"especially if they ignore your advice given freely and genuinely to help them.
     
  14. JosieWhitehead

    JosieWhitehead Star commenter

    'Keeping a record' - Why not keep a 'recording'. Do you have a small recorder?
     
  15. install

    install Star commenter

    So good to see how this has turned out. Well done you.
     
    Shedman likes this.

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