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Unfortunate things children write...!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by Andrew Jeffrey, Apr 25, 2008.

  1. I had a Y2 who consistently spelled 'use' as 'youarse' ... nice to see her using phonic strategies to become independent in her writing though ...
  2. These are spoken rather than written, but still funny
    1, We were preparing an assembly about space with two year 4 classes combined. In the shared classroom were seven staff - two class teachers, threeTAs, one deputy head and myself the music teacher.
    One activity was a demonstration of the mnemonic for naming planets (this'll date it,,,) My Very Easy Method Just Speeds Up Naming Planets. One child pointed to each of the nine children representing the (then) nine planets, and announced slowly "My: Mercury. Very: Venus. Easy: Earth"
    Unfortunately she was pronouncing Uranus in the old-fashioned way to rhyme with brain-us. So when she reached that planet, seven members of staff all crumpled uncontrollably. The children all stood quiet and gazed at us uncomprehendingly. It was decided that the planet-children should hold cards with their planet name and the mnemonic on its own would be spoken.
    2. Years ago in year 1 one of my best pupils (I still teach her the piano now, in year 8, and yes, I have told her this one) raised her hand when I said "now what was that word I mentioned earlier, which has to do with high and low sounds in music? Begins with p? pi..?" and said "I know, ***"
    "Nearly, well done, pitch, that's it" I said with a straight face while their class teacher and TA, who were sitting at the back of the room so I could see them but the children couldn't, fell about spluttering.
    3, And finally, when looking at percussion instruments in year 3:
    What's this one?
    OK, but what's its real name? (wanting "guiro") Begins with G...
    Same child as in the story above: Gorgonzola - is that an instrument?
    No, it's a cheese. Anyone? "Gw..." ?
    I know - guano!
    Nearly - it's a guiro. Do you know what guano is? Well, it's bird poo. No, really, it's very valuable, because it makes very good manure. Do you know what manure is? (skip simple explanation)
    Then I attempt to tell an old joke "my dad's just put manure on his rhubarb" "We usually put custard on ours". Blank faces, or some polite uncomprehending laughter. I try again.
    A hand. Yes?
    What's rhubarb?
  3. Filling 10 mins this afternoon asked them to list
    advantages & disadvantages of an octopus being a lifeguard.
    One advantage - "If you were sinking he could suck you
    up with his testacles."
    I had tears rolling
    down my cheeks I was laughing so much!
  4. tiffster

    tiffster New commenter

    Maybe I'm a lone voice - but I would consider this a disadvantage.
  5. Bevi1

    Bevi1 New commenter

    One of the year 5 teachers told me this one. Apparently, they were having a discussion about different religions and different people mentioned what their beliefs were. One child then pipes up," My gran is a catholic- before that she was a prostitute!"
    Obviously the word he has been looking for was protestant. easy mistake.
  6. tiffster

    tiffster New commenter

    A colleague who does Sunday School at her local church told me that one of the kids dropped a similar clanger when he couldn't find the word "Philistine" and claimed that Goliath was a paedophile....
  7. We went on a visit to the Jewish Museum and the children were shown a special wooden chair for the Rabbi to sit on and several other artifacts. Later on one of the children asked me why they had a special chair for a rabbit to sit on and wouldn't it fall off!
  8. During a science starter we were just gathering ideas and when asked which surface light would bounce off the best a child thrust his hand in the air shouting 'ooh, ooh, I know, ask me!' being a child who never offers a thing in class I was so pleased until he answered, 'A trampoline!'
  9. byjingo

    byjingo New commenter

    A very bright child in year 2 asked me some searching questions about making electricity. I told him about a friend of mine who had built a large Tesler coil in his garage to make electricity.
    His mum wrote to me the next day explaining that it had taken some serious deduction to discover his true meaning to the comment that Mrs M has a friend with a huge testicle in his garage to make electricity. I still treasure that letter.
  10. lardylady

    lardylady Star commenter

    It's not something a child wrote, but what one of the girls in my Y2 class said. A boy continually asks to go to the toilet during lessons, and before I let him go (human rights, and all that!) I always say 'When you're in the juniors, you'll have to wait until playtime'. One little girl piped up "That's right, Miss. My brother's teacher says that in Y5 you have to control your udders!"
  11. I teach Y1 and there have been a few things that still make me giggle:
    "Happy Farters Day" In a fathers day card.
    "I found a **** on the beach." (crab - weekend diary)
    A secondary biology teacher friend of mine has a favourite:
    "single celled orgasm".
  12. tiffster

    tiffster New commenter

  13. Grandsire

    Grandsire Star commenter

    I spent a happy morning watching the rehearsals and sewing buttons, lace and frills on to a very plain red dress for one of the girls' costumes. Lots of enthusiasm, including one comment that's kept me giggling all day:
    "Wow, miss, you've pimped that dress!"
  14. I've just re-read this thread and had a good giggle again. Teaching gender noun pairs to a year 3/4 class, I had the usual actor/actress, tiger/ tigress, stallion/mare but had to laugh when one child thought the matching word to *** (female dog) was *******!
  15. tiffster

    tiffster New commenter

    Today one of the infants made my Year 6 class's mouths drop open - they were looking through the local village show classes to decide which ones to enter. This little girl's family breeds dogs, and so she was looking with interest at the dog classes. Pointing to Class 48, which was for "Best B*tch", she piped up, "My mum says she's going to enter that one..."
  16. One of my Year 11s wrote as he was "woundering about a missed maths test" he wished to take. He was obviously distressed by missing the test as he ended his note by saying "sorry for any incontinence". I laughed so much it almost caused me inconvenience!

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