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Unfortunate things children write...!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by Andrew Jeffrey, Apr 25, 2008.

  1. pooped

    pooped New commenter

    In response to 'what bad things do people put into their bodies'
    *** - he meant coke!!
  2. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    I've told this one before but is something that still has me in stitches. A few years ago my son aged about 6 or 7 asked why plants don't poo. After a bit of research on here, I explained how they released their waste in gases from their leaves. To which he matter of factly replied "Oh so they don't poo they just trump a lot!"
  3. Miss JJ

    Miss JJ New commenter

    Very funny thread!
    My all time favourite was- "The Gruffalo was wa*king in the woods!" i think he meant to say walking...
  4. This is hillarious.

    Last year we were writing about the Hobbit's adventure in Y5. One boy totally innocently wrote, "Bilbo got to the camp and gave them all a spit roast." Me and my year group partner still giggle about that one!
  5. Andrew Jeffrey

    Andrew Jeffrey New commenter

    I have a confession - I must be as innocent as some of the children...
    About 15 years ago I was telling off a boy for messing about in a play rehearsal.

    I meant to tell him to stop being a twit, but in my head was thinking '****' rather than 'twit'.

    it came out as "STOP BEING SUCH A ****!"

    A colleague took me aside afterwards and told me why that perhaps wasn't such a great idea..I learnt a new word that day.
  6. I'm always forgetting to do things in class so this year I developed a reminder system where the children write a small note and then leave it in my box that I take home in the evenings. Got home one night to discover an unnamed note that simply said:
    'Need a sh*t'
    Turns out he needed the next reading level sheet for our Accelerated Reader scheme. Made the secretary laugh so much that she photocopied it and it is now pinned on her fridge to cheer her up when she is feeling a bit down.
  7. Another one:
    Today I tried to teach my Year 2 class about tidal zones and the animals that live in them. This was a very kinaesthetic lesson using ropes to separate the zones and children to represent the animals that live in them. Unfortunately Abbie the Anemone couldn't quite pronounce her animal. I'm hoping that I haven't got to explain to the Head tomorrow that I didn't call one of my children Abbie the Enema!
  8. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    I still love the 'Sorry you are living' comment in the retiring Headteacher's card that was posted on here in 2008!
    At the start of the year, one boy in my class wanted to know how to spell the sound that sharks make. I looked puzzled and asked what sound sharks made, to which he replied 'duuun-dun, duuun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-duuuun!'
    Think I've mentioned this one before, but a couple of years ago, a Year 6 boy wrote about going to Burger King at the weekend- 'My dad tuk me for a *** Ing'
  9. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    B ugger
  10. firecracker

    firecracker New commenter

    Thank you everyone . . . I've laughed so much that I cried !!!
    At least it took my mind off writing reports !

    I have learnt from my 'who can think of a word rhyming with look?'
    One child, a couple of years ago, wrote ' I fond a **** in the rockpool' (haven't we all !!!)
  11. Leicester_Vics

    Leicester_Vics New commenter

    Haha! Same here. I asked my year 4's for rhyming words to go with light. We had a ig long list then one kid really innocently just put his hand up and said "*****" not having a clue that what he said wasn't appropriate!
  12. Ok, I have two....
    I have had the micro orgasm one before. That made me giggle for ages.

    My favourite though was when on a year 6 resisdential. We were asking the children if anyone needed the toilet and started mocking them asking if they needed a tinkle. After much laughing, I said seriously if u need to go, speak now or forever hold your peace........except evryone else heard pees. Chn and other staff were laughing their heads off. Took me a while to get it. oops!
  13. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    I had a child who did a book review and wrote about his favourite character in the book - "***** W@nka".
  14. manic28

    manic28 New commenter

    In my NQT year I was teaching a science lesson on adaptation.
    My TA took the 'underwater' habitat with LA group. Rest of the class silent until my TA bursts out laughing.
    I ask her whats up? She can't speak so I ask her group. One boy speaks up "I was telling Mrs Smith that octopuses have testicles"
    The majority of my y5's got it.
  15. When I was in school myself the history teacher chided one of my classmates for describing Thomas Becket as the @rsebishop of Canterbury in an exam answer.
  16. Milkandchalk

    Milkandchalk New commenter

    An invitation to a friend to come round for a sleepover.
    "We'll have a midnight feast with pizza and c*ck"

  17. On a similar note to some other posters, I was marking an experiment write-up one of my Y4s had done, when I realised it was a good job there were no children about to ask me why I was laughing at the way this particular child had written something. She'd meant to write "and then we all put the coke into the cup." ..........I'll let you figure out what she actually had written... [​IMG]
  18. Last year when I was marking Y4 optional SATs, one of the children wrote that he would take an ipod to Antarctica so that he could listen to his fuc*y music. Took me a second but I realised he meant funky!
  19. At the other end of the school - a Year 10 student - writing an essay about Shylock in the Merchant of Venice, composed an entire paragraph about the differerent attitudes to the Jews and the Genitals...
  20. OMG, it's deep, this. Took me ages to unrape [​IMG]

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