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Unfortunate things children write...!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by Andrew Jeffrey, Apr 25, 2008.

  1. My SEAL lesson on self esteem last year required them to write one positive thing about each other and stick it on them (a hell of a lot of post its - but hey it was a new school year!). Anyway, Ive kept all mine on my notice board and the one that still makes me smile is "She's a fanny teacher" - Ive since worked on this child's handwriting to form U letters accurately!!

    Not a rude one, but last week a Yr 4 girl wrote about Victorian families "The rich children didn't have to go to school as they were taught by a governess or Tudor" at least she remembered her history topic from last year.

    Then our Reception teacher told us about a child in her class " Miss, so -n -so is afraid of ghosts. That's silly isn't it!? Im not afraid of ghosts, are you? If I saw a ghost I'd just take his sheet off" Fab! :)
  2. A lesson on special and sacred things one boy wrote
    My special thing is a Chelsea sh*t! (Meaning shirt)

    Another lesson on electricity a lttle girl in my class wrote
    'I attached the wires to the battery and the boob lit up' Obviously menaing bulb!!

    Creative writing in Year 2 a child wrote a whole story set in horewarts!
  3. In explanation texts, one boy explained how the 'shi*t machine worked (shirt machine)

    In play scripts we had the character 'Tw*ts' (Thwaites) all the way through! And he was in a sweatshop not a sweetshop!

    We often get c**t for couldn't - it's the Norf*ck accent!!!

  4. just remembered another one!
    'I had an orange dick'.
    Think he meant drink!
  5. one of my pupils went to B*gger King where she ate tips and pits (something and chips?)
  6. TreesK

    TreesK New commenter

    'We went to Filey to see the shights.'
    Well, there were all sorts of things in those rock pools...
  7. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    One chap I taught last year would do his word processing on 'Microscopic Word'
  8. Oh so thrilled to read these! Am physically incapable of returning to class now. Three more to add to the list....

    When asked to write a piece of poetry using personification a particularly popular and somewhat precocious student imagined herself as a rollercoaster. Her final line was...

    "now everybody wants to ride me!"
    Could be some truth in that.

    Also in Y1 R.E. lesson pupil wrote....
    "The Last Supper was when Jesus ate his disciples"
    (missed out 'with')
    Came as a bit of a shock to extremely Catholic school that the Lord was in fact a cannibal!

    Finally also in Y1 when making Mothers Day cards a very sweet girl had made one for her Grandmother with the touching message...
    "**** you HaHa!"
    (thank you NaNa!)
    Wish I'd been there when she opened it...and yes I did send it home (well who am to suppress a child's creativity?)
  9. missbloggs

    missbloggs New commenter

    Oh dear - this is making me cry with laughing so much.

    The child who wrote - 'sorry you are living' - any chance they knew what they meant?!! If it was a HT like ours I fully sympathise...

    In the English SATs one of my Y5s wrote that the children were 'at it in the grass'. He said the 'it' in question was the park, but I'm not so sure!
  10. whitestag

    whitestag Senior commenter

    When our Y6 class were asked to research Viking names, then present them to the class one girl proudly announced herself as 'Frigg'. Cue giggling from the adults but no reaction from the class!

    Also, one boy complaining of being tired. When asked why he was tired he informed me that his sister had kept him awake with her noise. Assuming he meant his little sister, I was fully sympathetic until he added that she'd 'come in p*ssed at 3 in the morning and fallen up the stairs'. I had to leave the conversation there!
  11. I love this thread....surely the best part of teaching.

    One of the little boys in my Year 1 class has lost his pet cat. The HLTA in my class was reading "Water Bugs and Dragonflies", a very touching book about dragonflies moving onto a new place. She was explaining to the children that everyone has to leave our world and we have to wait a very long long time before we see them. One girl pipes up, "You've not got that long to wait, have you?" How funny, I wouldn't care but the HLTA isn't even elderly!! We were both laughing like mad. Then one of them asks, "How old are you?" She replies "95". Another little gem says, "Nearly as old as me mum!"
  12. Not actually something from the kids - but from me! I was reading (to y4,5 and 6)the Greek myth about Andromeda being rescued from the Kraken. The myth launched into a detailed description of the Kraken having a 'short-beaked motuh and long, writhing tentacles'.

    Unfortunately I misread tentacles as testicles!!!

    Y4 was none the wiser (bless them), but y5 and 6 had tears streaming down their cheeks! I was scarlet and couldn't speak for laughing! The Head (who was in class at the time) disappeared into the resource cupboard and the TA had to leave the room!

    Cue lots of ribbing in the staffroom about where my mind really was during that lesson!

  13. Oops - that should read mouth, not motuh!

    Maybe I should just start re-thinking my career options now! lol
  14. cranberryjuice

    cranberryjuice New commenter

    In the first school I worked in some year 6 six girls ahd alledgedly seen a flasher as the weekend. needless to say it was the topic of conversation on the monday with the children pointing at men walking past the school shouting are you the flasher! The head decided to collect all the children in the hall to give them a stern talking to - and proceeded to say he did not want any child going home with c*ck and bull stories about a flasher outside school!!!
  15. We were (YrR/1) writing a birthday party list and one boy wrote 1. A big pink party **** (cake!!!) well i had to leave the room laughing and my NNEB all of a sudden needed to drive into the stock cupboard!!!
  16. A recent recount of a playing a favourite game 'I rolled a dice and got sex'. If only it was that easy!
  17. This wasn't what she wrote but what she said!

    A little girl in reception told me that it was her daddy's birthday. I enquired as to if he had any presents. She then told me that he had had a doll, but not one like she has; "Its a lot bigger and not as good as mine because he cant play with it straight away. He has to blow it up!"

    I couldn't look him in the eye at parents evening. The image wasn't a good one!!
    Marple ;0)
  18. One of my grandsons, aged about six at the time, gave me a round candle for Christmas and wrote on the gift tag, 'Sorry aboyht the bad raping'.....(I was v. puzzled till I read further, 'can't rap rond things.')
  19. Not in school but at uni when I was proof reading a friends essay about fish - carp - but too many times the middle letters were inverted! Another typo, with the r and the t next to each other:

    To prevent high moralities of fish

    Should have been to prevent high mortalities of fish.

  20. i have a new one! marked some literacy earlier this week and one of my yr 4 chidlren were writing about how good hore riding is!!!

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