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Unfortunate things children write...!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by Andrew Jeffrey, Apr 25, 2008.

  1. Thanks to all the posters above me.
    I have laughed out loud reading these!
    I have just been feeling sorry for myself,
    having been ill this week.
    Medicine indeed!
  2. impis

    impis New commenter

    "Always bend over before screwing" .............. The opening lines of a DT worksheet written by one of my dafter colleagues. [Boy, did we rib him about that one!]
  3. What's another word for bacteria- Year 6 answer 'microsoft orgasm'
  4. 'Miss Adams licks c*ck' instead of Miss Adams likes coke. Still makes me chuckle!
  5. spoken- doing s clusters got sl and one child said slag- i refused to write it down!
  6. My favourite was a Y2 boy labelling his electrical circuit. Unfortunately his p in "crocodile clips" was replaced with a t!.. Hmmmmm!!!
  7. One child wrote a lovely card to our head who had just announced that she was retiring: Sorry you are living. (leaving)
    Great thread!
  8. bigpig

    bigpig New commenter

    Nothing to do with something said in a school, but my large friend told me she was 'anorexic' after having a baby but meant 'aneamic'. Quite funny if you knew my friend and how much she ate. I think she also said the Dr was going to 'seduce' her if the baby was late.

    Also the HT was reading Fantastic Mr Fox and asked why Bean was so skinny, a child replied 'He drinks cider, I brought it in this morning' meaning the book, not the cider.
  9. nearly_there

    nearly_there New commenter

    When asked what their dream was a la Martin Luther King my year 6 came up with.
    An end to bulling (bullying)
    More world peas (peace)

    Also confession time when I was a year 11 I told my teacher all about orgasims in biology. Of course i didn't write this mistake quietly in my text book I threw my hand proudly in the air in front of everyone else and announced I knew all about orgasims I had been revising.
    Red face central.
    How he kept a straight face and politely corrected my pronunciation I'll never know.
  10. I have an equally shaming confession, my brother and dad wound me up telling me that luxembourg's entire population was 17 people and a dog, which was fine had I realised it was a joke, but I didn't and announced it in my GCSE geography lesson- how embarrassing!!
  11. Couldn't resist adding this one- writing fantasy stories with Y1 a child wrote 'In Timeworld the c*cks kept ticking and ticking'!
  12. During circle time we were discussing how lucky we were to live in the country and were making a list of wildlife that was starting to appear in our gardens. The usual rabbits, ducklings & hedgehogs came up but one girl had this delight to add "Miss, last year I had toads in my back passage" I kid ye not. To top it off her sister said in retort, "Well I've never seen toads in the back passage, how do they get in?" Needless to say I was in creases of laughter and had to quickly move on.
  13. Two funny pieces that make me smile:

    In reference to a piece on bullying - "They swung me around, high in the air and then gave me a massive wedgey."

    In reference to a persuasive piece asking the HT for new playequipment - "we could have a huge swimming pool. It would help the fat kids and some of the teachers could loose weight too."

  14. ants and snails have 10 eyes
  15. At christmas one boy in my class wrote 'I put **** on my christmas tree'.
    He meant tinsel, made me chuckle!
  16. Doing a word wheel on the board yesterday, one of the kids wrote up their example: this. Rule is that they have to mix up the letters in shape of a wheel - all class shouted out "SH1T!"
  17. "Sorry you are living"- that has had me cackling for ages!!! Thanks!!! :)) I only wish I could remember some of the hilarious things I've seen and heard!
  18. Reception emergent writing today - 'Dad has a ****!' instead of 'Dad had some crisps'
  19. Marking optional SATS describing park in winter - 'snow is groping the ground'. I still can't figure out what the child meant
  20. A few years ago, on a teaching practise in Yr6, the children were completing a practise Science SATs paper. I had to read it to one of the SEN boys.

    The question was: What is the only living process you cannot do when you are a child? [reproduce]

    The boy quickly wrote - 'drink wine and smoke cocaine' and innocently looked up to me and whispered, 'Is that right, Miss?' with a look of hope on his face!

    I swiftly moved onto the next question...

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