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Two examples of writing. Can you give me your opinion on the level?

Discussion in 'Primary' started by LGR22, May 3, 2012.

  1. I am getting a bit twitchy about marking the writing, and I need to make sure I'm on theright lines. I know these are long piecs of writing to read, but can anyone give me an idea as to what level you would give for these? Thanks in advance.



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    Example 1





    A Miptor is a type of Lizard. The Miptor has a variety of
    features, but can still be hard to keep. Although they are vicious, they are an
    amazing species. Here is a guide of how to look after a Miptor.





    Miptor can eat a variety of foods. For example: leaves,
    tomatoes, broccoli are one of their favourite meals. If you aren’t prepared to
    make that particular meal, they will enjoy lettuce and eggplant.





    To feed the Miptor is a hard job. The best time to feed it
    is whilst he is asleep, but if it is demanding for food, hold its neck with the
    lead. Put the food in a small bowl.





    Miptors like their cage in a particular way. Because they
    come from the Amazon Rainforest, they like their environment damp and eerie.
    Maybe put a branch or some leaves in their cage to make them feel at home.





    The Miptor is afraid of children. If children get too close
    to the Miptor, the Miptor has a mipattack. This is where the Miptor bites and
    screams. A number of Miptors have died because of this.





    Just remember the Miptor is such a wonderful animal. It is a
    treat to take care of, and has a number of unbelievable qualities.





    Any concerns about your Miptor contact phone: 0775…….








    Example 2





    I am writing this piece of writing to give you some
    information about a Miptor and to give you advice about how to look after one.





    This creature is a weird and wonderful animal. It is often
    well behaved, but it can sometimes get a bit out of control. The outstanding
    creature is very much like a dog, because it has the same shape as a westie.
    The difference between a westie and a Miptor is that a Miptor has a lot softer
    and smoother fur. Even though it is soft and cuddly, it also has extremely
    sharp teeth it can get angry and bite you.





    There are a number of things you will need to do if you want
    to calm a Miptor down. If it gets out of control and it goes on a rampage then
    the first step as always is to remain calm. As a result of you staying calm the
    animal will come near you because you are calm. The next step for calming a
    Miptor down is that you must try and calm it down using its favourite toy.
    However, when calming him down with his toy make sure you do not make eye
    contact, as it will go for you and not the toy. This is how you calm a Miptor
    down.





    There are a variation of jobs you have to do to get a Miptor
    to eat. The first thing is that you have to give it the right food, because if
    you don’t it will go on a rampage and you would have to calm it down. This is
    the food you have to give it: in the morning – chucky nuggets, at lunchtime –
    chocolate dips, and at dinner time – beef mix. You give the Miptor all it’s
    dinners at different times of the days every week or day.



     
  2. I am getting a bit twitchy about marking the writing, and I need to make sure I'm on theright lines. I know these are long piecs of writing to read, but can anyone give me an idea as to what level you would give for these? Thanks in advance.



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    mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
    mso-style-noshow:yes;
    mso-style-parent:"";
    mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
    mso-para-margin:0cm;
    mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
    mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
    font-size:10.0pt;
    font-family:"Times New Roman";
    mso-ansi-language:#0400;
    mso-fareast-language:#0400;
    mso-bidi-language:#0400;}




    Example 1





    A Miptor is a type of Lizard. The Miptor has a variety of
    features, but can still be hard to keep. Although they are vicious, they are an
    amazing species. Here is a guide of how to look after a Miptor.





    Miptor can eat a variety of foods. For example: leaves,
    tomatoes, broccoli are one of their favourite meals. If you aren’t prepared to
    make that particular meal, they will enjoy lettuce and eggplant.





    To feed the Miptor is a hard job. The best time to feed it
    is whilst he is asleep, but if it is demanding for food, hold its neck with the
    lead. Put the food in a small bowl.





    Miptors like their cage in a particular way. Because they
    come from the Amazon Rainforest, they like their environment damp and eerie.
    Maybe put a branch or some leaves in their cage to make them feel at home.





    The Miptor is afraid of children. If children get too close
    to the Miptor, the Miptor has a mipattack. This is where the Miptor bites and
    screams. A number of Miptors have died because of this.





    Just remember the Miptor is such a wonderful animal. It is a
    treat to take care of, and has a number of unbelievable qualities.





    Any concerns about your Miptor contact phone: 0775…….








    Example 2





    I am writing this piece of writing to give you some
    information about a Miptor and to give you advice about how to look after one.





    This creature is a weird and wonderful animal. It is often
    well behaved, but it can sometimes get a bit out of control. The outstanding
    creature is very much like a dog, because it has the same shape as a westie.
    The difference between a westie and a Miptor is that a Miptor has a lot softer
    and smoother fur. Even though it is soft and cuddly, it also has extremely
    sharp teeth it can get angry and bite you.





    There are a number of things you will need to do if you want
    to calm a Miptor down. If it gets out of control and it goes on a rampage then
    the first step as always is to remain calm. As a result of you staying calm the
    animal will come near you because you are calm. The next step for calming a
    Miptor down is that you must try and calm it down using its favourite toy.
    However, when calming him down with his toy make sure you do not make eye
    contact, as it will go for you and not the toy. This is how you calm a Miptor
    down.





    There are a variation of jobs you have to do to get a Miptor
    to eat. The first thing is that you have to give it the right food, because if
    you don’t it will go on a rampage and you would have to calm it down. This is
    the food you have to give it: in the morning – chucky nuggets, at lunchtime –
    chocolate dips, and at dinner time – beef mix. You give the Miptor all it’s
    dinners at different times of the days every week or day.



     
  3. littlerussell

    littlerussell New commenter

    4c for the first, 4a for the second.
    The first, a L4, not 3 because most of the elements are in place, including paragraphing, appropriate structure/style, some specialist vocabulary, commas mostly used correctly. It is let down a little by occasional grammatical errors, and some of the suggestions not fully developed.
    The second, a L4, not a L5, because although the sentence structure is very good, it is not adapted; there are weaker parts (the repetition of the word calm); only limited attempts at L5 punctuation, and no conclusion.
    I would say that the second child could be moved into L5 with carefully selected targets; the second child has written this piece at L4 but I suspect that they are only just there and not consistently, with some pieces where the errors outweigh the qualities.
     
  4. Thanks for your reply and feedback. I'm sort of pleased and sort of not. I had a disagreement with a colleague and you have just proved me wrong! I thought 4a for the second one, but I levelled the first one higher at a 4b. He said it was no where near the first one and rated it a 4c. I have to hang my head and eat humble pie now!
     

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