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Tutee finished after almost 2 years, parents didn’t even say thank you! Am I silly for being upset?

Discussion in 'Private tutors' started by Flexiblesink32, Jan 27, 2019.

  1. Flexiblesink32

    Flexiblesink32 New commenter

    I have been tutoring a child for almost 2 years and have just finished the last session. I don’t expect a big fanfare or anything but some kind of thank you would be nice! The child has special needs and I have had to work really hard to deliver lessons that fit the child’s needs both academically and physically. The parents have always been happy with progress and it is me who gave notice to end the sessions.

    I just feel a bit deflated!
     
    yelena_davydova6 likes this.
  2. alsoamum

    alsoamum New commenter

    Maybe they are upset that you have notice? Still would have been nice to say thank you though.
     
    Kateray1 likes this.
  3. gainly

    gainly Established commenter

    I think you just have to accept that some people are like that. Sometimes I've had cards and presents when I finish, sometimes not even a thank you.

    You didn't say why you gave notice. Might they have been upset if they'd hoped to continue?
     
    yelena_davydova6 and Kateray1 like this.
  4. golpep78

    golpep78 New commenter

    Some people may not know the common courtesy of saying "thank you", "sorry", or "please". It may come off as awkward for them. I would just be understanding as expecting that from someone, not getting a reply, and then being upset is a bit over the top. It's not worth the extra stress in life. I'd just move on and appreciate the time you got to spend with the family.
     
    Mermaid7 likes this.
  5. briancant

    briancant Occasional commenter

    "Am I silly for being upset?"
    Yes!
    Teaching is just a job that we get paid for. Do you think the plumber or roofer or bin man gets upset when they are not thanked? Collect your pay and move on.
     
    Mrsmumbles likes this.
  6. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    I tutored a girl for three years. Got her through GCSE and then through A level.

    After our last session - never heard from her or her parents again.
     
  7. Kateray1

    Kateray1 Occasional commenter

    How rude! It costs nothing too say a proper thank you and goodbye! I’ve had various endings and yes it’s horrid when they just go.

    However I suppose some parents as in school don’t realise the commitment teachers and tutors make emotionally to build a working relationship and therefore just see us as a professional, like the hairdresser or plumber!
     
  8. cathr

    cathr Occasional commenter

    They might not get upset when they are NOT thanked but they do go away with a smile on their faces when they are. Small courtesies don't cost anything but bring big rewards.
     
    Mrsmumbles likes this.
  9. sabram86

    sabram86 Occasional commenter

    Yes, it's very unpleasant but it's the exception, thankfully.

    It's a transaction ultimately. Take pride in their achievement and your contribution to it.
     
    Piranha likes this.
  10. yelena_davydova6

    yelena_davydova6 New commenter

    Yes I think that this is most unkind and can well understand your feeling this way.
     
    Happygopolitely likes this.
  11. SayItLikeItIs

    SayItLikeItIs New commenter

    As others have said, it depends on the context. I have ended tuition for the following reasons:
    • because I felt the student needed a different kind of tutor.
    • because the parent/student was cancelling too often and wasn't open to resolving this
    • because the student wasn't co-operating and the parents just weren't taking sufficient interest.
    In the latter two examples, no I did not get any thanks, and in the latter case they actually castigated me for my abandonment of their poor little boy. I guess it goes with the territory. With the first scenario, I put the suggestion to the parents, rather than terminating tuition abruptly, so that it was a mutual decision. I think the usual pleasantries were exchanged at the end of the last lesson.

    With private tuition, where there is a lot of contact with parents, it behoves each side to behave decently. This would mean that, when parents terminate tuition, I wish the student well. And, yes, I would be disappointed if the parent/student didn't say anything back. 'Normal' good manners would dictate this.

    You don't say whether your student was secondary or primary. Did you see a lot of the parents? I suppose it is possible that they were in a hurry or a bit distracted at the end of the last lesson, which would be a shame. Although private tuition is very different, my own child does an after-hours club at school, and although the teacher hands the kids directly over to the parents, I don't hear any thank-yous, even at the end of term. I wonder whether private tuition is being lumped into the same boat?

    I still wish the student well when I decide to end the tuition, and I try to acknowledge the student's input as well. But it can be foreseen that in these situations some parents just aren't going to be particularly grateful.
     
  12. Happygopolitely

    Happygopolitely Occasional commenter

    Doesn't this fit the perception of teachers being cheap childminders ?
     

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