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TTC for 18 months and now miscarriage at 9 weeks

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by mollymania, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. I reallly need stories of hope to help me through this.
    My story - warning contains tmi but I need to share this somewhere. Description of miscarriage may be upsetting!

    After 18 months of ttc, referral to fertility specialist, various tests no obvious issues and 3 months of clomid we actually got a bfp naturally ( the month after we finished the clomid). We were over the moon and so excited this was our first pregnancy. The pregnancy was going really well until 9 weeks 2 days when I suddenly got brown discharge. Only light and only when wiping but the next morning I called the midwife. She said not to worry quite common, ok as long as not red blood or pain. Later that day I began bleeding lightly but brown (old blood) so midwife still not worried. Overnight cramps started and midwife booked scan for following day. Told at this point that 70% women bleed during pregnancy so try not to worry. Pain got so bad That afternoon and bleeding so heavy (by now bright red with clots) i ended up at A&E where a lovely kind dr did and internal exam and explained the pain was contractions and my cervix dilating. During this exam she removed 'fetal tissue' and confirmed I was miscarrying. I was offered choice of staying on ward overnight or returning home with pain relief. We went home - I wanted to be at home with oh, my mum. ( who was staying with us for a few days - my poor mum, this was to be her 1st grandchild) and my dogs. The painkillers helped with the physical effects but I was emotionally numb. Next day we returned to hospital for the scan which confirmed womb empty, just thickened lining left to pass - which should pass naturally, like a period in a few days. From start of brown discharge to end of bleeding it was all over in 6 days, no more baby, no more dreams of being a mum in February and no more deciding how much maternity leave I was going to take.
    We have been told this is just bad luck and we can try again as soon as we want to as my miscarriage was natural and straightforward ( I think this was intended to be comforting). Miscarriages happen to 1 in 4 women during their reproductive years is what we have been told. Also risks increase with age ( I am 38) and if you have been tic for 12 months or more you are also higher risk for miscarriage. All of this makes me very nervous about trying again. We really want a baby and OH is keen to try again as soon as I feel ready but I am just so scared. The only positive I can find is that apparently you are more fertile immediately after a miscarriage or birth and also that miscarriage rates are lower if you conceive again within 6 months of your loss.
    I am scared I won't be able to conceive again after trying so long last time and also so scared that if I do get a bfp that it will end in miscarriage again and I don't think I am strong enough to go through all this again.
    I guess I am hoping that there will be people on here who have had similar experiences to me but who have gone on to have success with a healthy baby. My friends and family don't feel comfortable talking about all of this as they are worried about upsetting me - surely it is normal for me to be upset? I was almost a quarter of the way through my pregnancy and looking forward to my 12 week scan. We paid for a private scan at 6 weeks and saw a healthy heartbeat which makes what happened even more of a shock but at least I have 2 photos as a keepsake of our baby. There was no warning anything was wrong i had all the usual symptoms of pregnancy right up until the end. I am really sorry if I have upset anyone who reads this but I really need to share it somewhere and I have always found this forum to be very supportive. Sorry for such a long post and apologies if this ends up as one big block of text as I am typing on my iPad(safari).
     
  2. I reallly need stories of hope to help me through this.
    My story - warning contains tmi but I need to share this somewhere. Description of miscarriage may be upsetting!

    After 18 months of ttc, referral to fertility specialist, various tests no obvious issues and 3 months of clomid we actually got a bfp naturally ( the month after we finished the clomid). We were over the moon and so excited this was our first pregnancy. The pregnancy was going really well until 9 weeks 2 days when I suddenly got brown discharge. Only light and only when wiping but the next morning I called the midwife. She said not to worry quite common, ok as long as not red blood or pain. Later that day I began bleeding lightly but brown (old blood) so midwife still not worried. Overnight cramps started and midwife booked scan for following day. Told at this point that 70% women bleed during pregnancy so try not to worry. Pain got so bad That afternoon and bleeding so heavy (by now bright red with clots) i ended up at A&E where a lovely kind dr did and internal exam and explained the pain was contractions and my cervix dilating. During this exam she removed 'fetal tissue' and confirmed I was miscarrying. I was offered choice of staying on ward overnight or returning home with pain relief. We went home - I wanted to be at home with oh, my mum. ( who was staying with us for a few days - my poor mum, this was to be her 1st grandchild) and my dogs. The painkillers helped with the physical effects but I was emotionally numb. Next day we returned to hospital for the scan which confirmed womb empty, just thickened lining left to pass - which should pass naturally, like a period in a few days. From start of brown discharge to end of bleeding it was all over in 6 days, no more baby, no more dreams of being a mum in February and no more deciding how much maternity leave I was going to take.
    We have been told this is just bad luck and we can try again as soon as we want to as my miscarriage was natural and straightforward ( I think this was intended to be comforting). Miscarriages happen to 1 in 4 women during their reproductive years is what we have been told. Also risks increase with age ( I am 38) and if you have been tic for 12 months or more you are also higher risk for miscarriage. All of this makes me very nervous about trying again. We really want a baby and OH is keen to try again as soon as I feel ready but I am just so scared. The only positive I can find is that apparently you are more fertile immediately after a miscarriage or birth and also that miscarriage rates are lower if you conceive again within 6 months of your loss.
    I am scared I won't be able to conceive again after trying so long last time and also so scared that if I do get a bfp that it will end in miscarriage again and I don't think I am strong enough to go through all this again.
    I guess I am hoping that there will be people on here who have had similar experiences to me but who have gone on to have success with a healthy baby. My friends and family don't feel comfortable talking about all of this as they are worried about upsetting me - surely it is normal for me to be upset? I was almost a quarter of the way through my pregnancy and looking forward to my 12 week scan. We paid for a private scan at 6 weeks and saw a healthy heartbeat which makes what happened even more of a shock but at least I have 2 photos as a keepsake of our baby. There was no warning anything was wrong i had all the usual symptoms of pregnancy right up until the end. I am really sorry if I have upset anyone who reads this but I really need to share it somewhere and I have always found this forum to be very supportive. Sorry for such a long post and apologies if this ends up as one big block of text as I am typing on my iPad(safari).
     
  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. My experience is different from yours but I wanted to reply as I can empathise with your grief right now. I lost our first baby at 22 weeks. I was also scared of ttc again but equally as scared of not ttc. I was pregnant again 2 months later - I agree that fertility is boosted after pregnancy. Pregnancy after loss is an emotional rollercoaster, I survived by taking each day, sometimes each hour, at a time. I never dared believe I'd bring our baby home. I did and I'm sure you will one day too. There is lots of support available for women ttc and then through pregnancy after loss. Your midwife should be able to point you in the right direction but for now, give yourself time to grieve for your loss not only of your baby but of your hopes and dreams. Take care.
     
  4. Hi Molly didn't want to read and run as I know (all to clearly) how hard this must be for you. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks after we had been trying for 18 months also & it has been the hardest thing ever to have happened. I acted fine at the time but it all came back a few months later so please do talk & cry to people as it will help you come to terms with everything (not get over as I don't think it is something you ever 'get over' just learn to live with) I'm sorry I don't have any positive story of how I got pregnant a month later as we're still waiting 10 months on but living in hope when we start IVF in the new year that this will be a new beginning. My thoughts are with you & your OH-sorry no happy ending here (yet-it will happen) T xxx
     
  5. Ah, Molly I'm so sorry to hear this. Big hugs. It takes time to grieve and accept the shock of something like this, so let yourself 'talk' on here and do whatever else works for you.
    My circumstances aren't exactly the same, but a year ago I was feeling similar to you- I had just suffered a miscarriage that came as a shock finding out at the 12 week scan, thought we had got to the 'safe' time but just saw an empty sac at scan. Then had the unpleasantness of going through yucky, painful medical management to pass the sac but which failed so had to have surgery anyway.
    I was told at that scan that my womb appeared to be abnormally shaped which was likely to cause problems with future pregnancies, including higher risk of 2nd and 3rd trimester miscarriage. This subconsciously made me fearful of conceiving again in case I mc'd again, esp as my womb seemed against me too.
    For 9 months we tried again, faced bitter disappointment each month. A friend suggested I have an investigation into the extent of which my womb was abnormally shaped, which I did, to be told that it was barely misshapen at all, and would not bear any negative risk for future pregnancies. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders and I believe more than just coincidence that I conceived that month and am now 19 weeks pg (touch wood, I'm still nervous).
    Even though it's so annoying when people say to just relax and you'll get pregnant, I do think there is some truth in it, but I'd rephrase it to telling yourself and really believing that your body is capable of and receptive to growing a baby. I only really believed that after my investigation, hence think it was more than coincidence that I got pregnant the week after that.
    I'm in my early 30s, and understand your concerns about being in your late 30s. Try again as soon as you feel ready- think of this first one as your body practising for the real thing, so it can be perfected next time. A lady at work had a mc at the same time as me, she has also just given birth to a healthy baby and we used to tell each other that.
    Another lady at work had IVF to have her 2 sons. She had the 1st when she was 40, and suffered 3 mc's too but said although it was painful she just kept the end goal in mind, and now her sons are 3 and 5 she looks back and can barely remember the pain, just thinks how it was worth it for the joy her boys bring her.
    I hope I haven't said anything to upset you more. You are raw and need to let it out. I found that writing in a diary helped, along with going for long walks in the country to get perspective. Find what works for you. Be gentle to yourself.
    Take care, Sarah xx


     
  6. I am so sorry. I too had a miscarriage at around 9 weeks. It was a horrific experience with a lot of heavy bleeding, so I can totally understand what you are going through. I know what you mean about being numb. I felt like that for months afterwards. However, I want to be positive and to show you there is hope. I went onto conceive and deliver twin boys, and then 4 years after them a wee girl. Yes, apparently it is common in first pregnancies. And yes, it is truely awful but there is hope. It does help to talk about things and you must grieve for your loss. I will never forget my first baby. Lots of love to you.
     
  7. You may find the ivillage website helpful
    www.ivillage.com
    there is a uk one too
    http://www.ivillage.co.uk/
    The best advice, from a non medical p.o.v. is "look after yourself".
    Speaking from personal experience, I can highly recommend St James Hospital Leeds.


     
  8. I'm so incredibly sorry your having to experience this your story really struck a cord with me. I experienced something very similar at Christmas. I miscarried at about 6-7 weeks and was devastated. I felt like the experience would cloud any future pregnancys with fear and paranoia and that I wasn't sure I would want to have to go through it again. However, I fell pregnant 2 months later and I'm now 25 weeks and all is ok so far though still have days I feel worried!
    The first trimester was hard and long I won't lie to you as once you have experienced things going wrong no amount of well meaning advice or 'what will be will be' comments will help untill week 13 arrives. But as you have had a loss you would be offered early reassurance scans to help wih the worry and private scans are worth every penny n my opinion.
    All in all I'm thankful everyday now that we kept trying after our miscarriage and look forward to the future. Don't underestimate how strong you are, let yourself feel sad and think how amazing 2012 can still be for you sweetheart! Xx
     
  9. Sorry this has happened to you.
    I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks (first pregnancy) and now have a 9 month old boy. It was horrible. I didn't talk about it and I think the emotional effects lasted a lot longer because of this. What I am trying to say is don't keep it to yourself.

     
  10. Hi, so sorry to hear your news. This too happened to me on Monday. It's so hard to explin to others how you're feeling if they haven't been through it. Even my husband, who is really upset, I don't think fully understands quite the extent of how I'm feeling. So I 100% empathise with you.

    It's a hard choice knowing when to try again isn't it? Do you try straight away? Do you wait a few months? Personally I think we're going to wait until my first AF then try. I don't know, will that help come to terms with the miscarriage do you think? I don't want to sully this baby's memory y just forgetting them, and I bet you're the same.

    Anyway, lots of hugs to you at this really difficult time, and just wanted to let you know others are thinking of you xx
     
  11. Ns honey getting pregnant again doesn't mean you forget the baby you may have had. I would have been due this month and it's been on my mind but also- you need to think to your future and the love you can give your next baby. We waited a month and I felt a lot better come the feb when we conceived. I think our bodies take over and 'know' when the time must be right ? Good luck people are thinking of you too x
     
  12. Oh Molly I am so sorry. I remember you clearly and was so pleased when you left us. I'm devastated for you. I have no experience of what you are going through as I have never been pregnant but understand from the time point of view. After waiting so long it must be so hard. There is no reason why it should take the same length of time again. Lots of people say it's easier to conceive after conceiving before. Only you can decide when is right for you, don't rush yourself and take time to grieve. Look after yourself and keep talking to your OH. He will be hurting too. I'm so so sorry. Life is so cruel. I sincerely hope your wait is much much shorter next time, however difficult it might be. (((Molly)))
     
  13. Sorry to hear about this. Please ignore the statistics - fertility and the chances of miscarrying are individual to each person. You can't generalise.
    I've lost 5 babies through three miscarriages - I assumed due to my age (39 when I had my first loss) util the consultant put me straight. I have a very slight progesterone deficiency and was given pessaries with my last pregnancy.
    My 11 week old daughter is currently asleep in my arms.
    Be kind to yourself. xxxxx
     
  14. molly, I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. x x x x
     

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