This isn't my usual user name as I actually feel quite embarrassed by what I'm about to tell you. I have decided, at the age of nearly 50, to try and tackle some of the issues I have surrounding food. Basically, at the age of 8 and a half I was taken into care (voluntarily by my parents and I don't blame them one bit for it) and my life just totally changed. I was made to eat lots of food (like liver) that I had never come acorss before, to the point of having to face it for tea, then breakfast and then tea again and so on. I was also force fed, then force fed my own vomit when I refused to eat what was put in front of me. In addition, I used to put food into my pockets and then flush it down the toilet or just throw it on the floor. I then used to sneak down in the middle of the night and steal food from the cupboards that I felt comfortable eating (this was mainly sweet food). I have come to the conclusion that maybe I was controlling my food intake as a way of having some control over my life. I was given no explanation at the time that I can remember about why we had been taken away from our parents, and this was an extrememly traumatic time. I had just moved from near Glasgow to Manchester and the first thing I remember about the nun who was my 'carer', was her laughing at me. It was this nun who used to hold my head and force feed me. Others used to just shout at me etc. Anyway, now I am older, I have a good appetite for food that is healthy (and not so healthy), carry a little extra weight but am being held back by my total panic when trying to eat some new foods. For example, I will never eat things like cabbage, cauliflower, liver, cooked onions unless I have then really small, and other foods, however, I am scared of trying foods that I have never eaten before - like celery. I am just so scared that I am going to be sick as soon as it goes in my mouth, however, with the help of my extremely supportive boyfriend, I want to try and tackle what I consider to be a food phobia/eating disorder. I have decided to try one new food a week, starting with celery. To help me express my feelings, and get support (yes I admit it, I want pats on the back for being a brave girl) I am considering writing a blog. I don't know whether I can do this. I don't even know wny I have decided to say all of this.............but.........every journey begins with a single step....and maybe this is it. Thanks for reading.