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Travel with a newborn

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by bristolmover, May 7, 2012.

  1. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Hi,
    I'm planning my wedding for mid-October and my sister has just informed me I need to change the date as her baby is due on 8th September. For my own reasons I don't want to change the date, and think she will be ok as she has a husband and the wedding will be at 2pm, so she can travel in the morning if she wants (it's about a 5 hour car/ 5.5 hour train journey). They also have another child who will be nearly 3 by then. I think, as she'll be off work, and her husband could also take paternity or possibly a day off for my wedding (he's a teacher), there are ways around this, but she says if it's late or there are complications then there is no way she can come...
    Opinions?
    Thanks
     
  2. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Hi,
    I'm planning my wedding for mid-October and my sister has just informed me I need to change the date as her baby is due on 8th September. For my own reasons I don't want to change the date, and think she will be ok as she has a husband and the wedding will be at 2pm, so she can travel in the morning if she wants (it's about a 5 hour car/ 5.5 hour train journey). They also have another child who will be nearly 3 by then. I think, as she'll be off work, and her husband could also take paternity or possibly a day off for my wedding (he's a teacher), there are ways around this, but she says if it's late or there are complications then there is no way she can come...
    Opinions?
    Thanks
     
  3. chocolateheaven

    chocolateheaven New commenter

    IMO experience, it depends very much on the person. We have always travelled with our baby - I live in Lincolnshire and my husband's family are in Northumberland. We first made the journey at 5 weeks old and have done so frequently since. We have also been to Yorkshire, London and Bournemouth and are currently planning to fly to Portugal in a few weeks. However, my friend refuses to travel with his daughter, who is now 18months old. When they want to make the 1,5hr journey from their home to ours, they leave their daughter with her grandparents. They came to the party in London that we went to, and left their daughter with her grandparents. She's 9 months older than our LO. They've said that they won't travel with her until she's at least 2.5yrs. Each to their own.
    Personally, I think if you leave it where it is then you have to accept that she may choose not to come. If she ends up overdue with a Csec, she might not be able to (I didn't have one and don't know that much about recovery times), or if the baby is ill, or many other reasons... she may be unable to come, or she may feel as though she can't travel.I suppose it depends how much the date means to you, how far on in the organising you are,how far she wants you to push it back by, and how upset you would be if you left it where it is and she wasn't there...
    I guess what I'm (very long-windedly) trying to say is that everyone is different. Yes, it is possible to travel with a newborn baby - but not everyone would want to.
     
  4. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thank you.
    I guess I already knew all this but thought I might be able to convince her it'd probably be ok.
    Now I think I have to be prepared for her to refuse to come - not to be awkward but because she genuinely feels she can't. It's a tough one. Thanks again.
     
  5. How selfish of your sister! It's your big day and you have it when you want. Of course it will be hard work for her to attend, but if she wants to she could do it. Of course something could happen which would make it difficult to attend- but if you went through life thinking that then you'd never do anything! Maybe she's going through a wobbly moment where she's wondering how she'll cope with 2 children- hormone fuelled brains think strange things- perhaps some reassurance from you will go a long way. Good luck with your wedding plans.
     
  6. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thank you. Your response is more or less exactly what my mum said! I'm seeing her next weekend and am going to approach it with a series of solutions as to how it can work, rather than a list of reasons why I can't change it. I hope she makes it!
     
  7. chocolateheaven

    chocolateheaven New commenter

    Prob should have said - I think my friends are ridiculous, and if I were your sister I would be there (unless something went wrong, obviously!). If you're trying to convince her, think about things like accommodation - could she stay where the wedding is? How expensive will it be? Does she bf or ff? That might affect what facilities she needs. Could they break the journey anywhere if they need to?
    If you've been planning for a while and already have most stuff sorted, then she's being really unreasonable asking you to change it. If you're just picking dates then she might be less unreasonable, but guessing that's not the case! Really hope you can get it sorted - I know I'd be really upset if my sister had missed my wedding x
     
  8. I can see it from from both sides. If your sister is late and/or has a C-section she is right in saying she may not be able to make it, but demanding you change the date isn't the right way to go about it either! I couldn't drive for six weeks after mine and wasn't really right for about 8 weeks. It also depends on whether her OH can get a day off as he'll only get two weeks paternity which I think you can only take in one block and therefore he will have to request a day's leave from his head and that isn't necessarily guaranteed. I wouldn't have wanted to make that journey on my own with a newborn let alone a 3 year old as well. However saying that I would have tried to get there if possible. I suspect she'll be fine and a lot of it is just hormones but could you help her check out the logistics? E.g. Get her OH to check that he can take a day's leave, is there someone who can travel up in convoy and help out with stops, equipment, getting coffees, where would they stay etc. but you can't plan for every eventuality, we missed a wedding due to norovirus it wouldn't have mattered whose wedding it was, I wasn't going anywhere! And unfortunately that's life......
     
  9. Plenty of people travel with a newborn baby - that is certainly true and everything might be alright and no problem at all. To play devil's advocate though your sister might be really anxious about this and it might be giving her lots of sleepless nights (rightly or wrongly). Does your niece/nephew travel well adn cope with the 5 hour journey in one go with minimal stops? I knew we were going to be invited to a wedding when LO was 8 weeks old and he wasn't invited. I worried myself sick about what to do - in the end I didn't go as I was breastfeeding and didn't feel ready to leave LO at 8 weeks overnight with the possibility of it messing up my feeding which had been a real battle initially. Similarly, I also really worried about a family christening that I had to go to when LO was a little bit older. I'm not saying your sister is right and hormones have a lot to answer for but I personally wish that I hadn't let worrying about other peoples' big events spoil my maternity leave. I know that's down to me being mental but be prepared that your sister might be really stressed about this at the moment. I did travel abroad with LO when he was 16 weeks to go on holiday and it was fine but that had been planned by me and there was less pressure of a big event as it were. I hope you have a lovely big day and hope you resolve this somehow.
     
  10. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thank you very much for the thoughts.
    I can't really see a better time, as between us we have 6 siblings plus in-laws to fit around, and I do think she's having a planned caesarian at the start of September, so if I approach it with solutions, I'm hoping she'll try to come and it will work out for us all.
    The venue has accommodation at very reasonable prices, and lots of family live nearby. Also, another of our sisters lives near her, so they could travel together, or she could take my niece. I think this is the only way around it, as we don't want a winter wedding and if we go for sooner she'll only say the baby could come early!
     
  11. i travelled 5 hours 3 weeks post birth whilst still on crutches due to severe SPD through the awful winter snow and sub-zero temperatures.
    where there's a will, there's a way.
    as for a day off for a wedding - only if it's close family (that you are) and if it's actually a work day. otherwise he'd be expected to travel after work on the friday.
     
  12. I wouldn't want to do a five hour car journey with a 3 year old and a newborn (and five hours back the next day). You're not supposed to have new borns in a car seat for more than an hour at a time, anyway. And a fractious, bored three year old for five hours - no way! They'll all be sleep deprived and knackered with a newborn. I think absolutely fine to have your wedding when you want it (obviously), but you can't be massively offended if she can't make it. I spent the first three weeks of my baby's life with my boobs hanging out as I was feeding every hour or so - not a good wedding look. And they'll have to stop every hour or so to feed the baby etc.
    So, I am with your sister - yes, I know lots of people can and do travel with newborns, but I would not want to with such a small newborn.
     
  13. hdavis7612

    hdavis7612 New commenter

    I did a similar journey by car (5 hours) with my LO when she was just over 2 weeks old. We drove to France for Christmas as that's where her dad is from. Was breast feeding so made sure LO fed just before we set off. We made one stop halfway so I could feed her again and then we had arrived at our destination by the time she needed another feed. To be honest she slept the entire journey except for the 40 minute stop to feed and change her! I didn't have an easy birth but fortunately felt well enough by the time we left to make the journey and as my partner did all the driving I sat in the back with the baby and napped most of the way. That being said, everyone recuperates differently, so I imagine your sister will probably have to play it by ear.
     
  14. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Just a quick update.
    Spent the weekend with sis and looks like our date will be ok... I pointed out that family members could help with transportation, taking my niece down a day early or whatever, or her hubby could take niece if she goes earlier with baby, or she could fly and hubby could drive all the stuff... she seemed happy with this and we had a lovely time. Thanks again those who helped.
     
  15. In my opinion travelling with newborn is little bit risky because climate can affect his health as they are in this atmosphere.
     

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