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Travel with a newborn

Discussion in 'Personal' started by bristolmover, May 7, 2012.

  1. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Hi,

    I'm planning my wedding for mid-October and my sister has just informed me I need to change the date as her baby is due on 8th September. For my own reasons I don't want to change the date, and think she will be ok as she has a husband and the wedding will be at 2pm, so she can travel in the morning if she wants (it's about a 5 hour car/ 5.5 hour train journey). They also have another child who will be nearly 3 by then.
    I think, as she'll be off work, and her husband could also take paternity or possibly a day off for my wedding (he's a teacher), there are ways around this, but she says if it's late or there are complications then there is no way she can come...
    Opinions? Thanks
     
  2. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Hi,

    I'm planning my wedding for mid-October and my sister has just informed me I need to change the date as her baby is due on 8th September. For my own reasons I don't want to change the date, and think she will be ok as she has a husband and the wedding will be at 2pm, so she can travel in the morning if she wants (it's about a 5 hour car/ 5.5 hour train journey). They also have another child who will be nearly 3 by then.
    I think, as she'll be off work, and her husband could also take paternity or possibly a day off for my wedding (he's a teacher), there are ways around this, but she says if it's late or there are complications then there is no way she can come...
    Opinions? Thanks
     
  3. I think she's unreasonable to ask you to change the date, but you are equally as unreasonable to expect her to travel with a 6 week old baby and a toddler, potentially alone, for 5 hours each way. You probably need to plan for the fact she may not be there.
     
  4. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    it's your wedding, have it whatever day you please. who's to say she'd be able to come if you changed the date? baby could be ill or anything. she shouldn't be even asking you to change.
     
  5. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thanks for your comment.
    I don't think she'd be travelling alone as her husband could accompany her on the Fri night/ Sat morn even if he can't get the Friday off. Also, anyone in the family would be very happy to go and pick her up or her toddler up if it helped.
     
  6. That journey with a 4-6 week baby! And to a wedding with breast-feeding and puke. They're best staying at home.
     
  7. She could be there easily. She could travel the previous day and her husband could come with her. However, she may choose not o and you have to be prepared for this.
     
  8. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    I know! It's not ideal but equally, once it's born there will be a baby of some age no matter when the wedding is, as and we have 6 siblings between us, this was probably going to happen to someone at some point! I'm very close to my sister though so she can't really contemplate not being there.
     
  9. But a baby, especially a newborn, should never be in a carseat for that length of time. So on top of a 5 hours journey she will have to factor in multiple breaks to take the newborn out, to feed/change it, to feed the three year old, to have the various wee-stops associated with a toddler! That's a difficult journey at the best of times, let alone having potentially given birth. As I said, I don't think she's right to ask you to move the date either; the timing of her pregnancy is just unfortunate.
     
  10. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Was the wedding already planned before she got pregnant?
     
  11. EcoLady

    EcoLady New commenter

    Whether you move your wedding sooner, later, or leave it on the same date, your sister will find it a challenge to juggle a 3yo, a wedding and a baby. To be brutally honest, that is her problem, not yours. You have things booked and arranged. They are YOUR plans for YOUR special day.
    All being well, baby will be 6-7 weeks old. Yes, it's possible that the baby might be late and that there might be complications, but unless her history suggests otherwise, the odds are that all will be fine. They'll have some form of routine by then.
    I very much doubt they'd travel on the day (5 hour journey with a 3 yo then expect them to behave during the ceremony?!) so you could help by assisting them to find suitable overnight accomodation nearby. Also ensure that there is somewhere at your venue where she can go to feed your new niece/nephew in peace and where the baby can sleep.
    The only reason I can think of for you to consider changing for her sake, is to consider bringing the wedding a couple of months earlier so that you are not upstaged by a newborn - you want the guests to focus on YOU, not the new arrival.
    What an exciting time for your family :)
     
  12. She could always travel down a few days before the wedding (assuming baby has been around for a few weeks by then) and stay with a family member who'll help her out?
     
  13. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    Is this time allowing for stops? Consider how many times they would need to stop for feeding the newborn and add extra time for nappy changing etc. It is a <u>very</u> long journey for a toddler. The toddler will not want to sit still for your wedding after doing such a long time in the car and may be quite irritable.
    You have to decide whether or not you are prepared to change the date of your wedding - it is too late for your sister to change the date of her pregnancy and birth date! Perhaps best to include her in your planning, but wait and see till nearer the time and accept that she may not be there.
     
  14. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Lead commenter

    [​IMG]
    Says it all really.
     
  15. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thank you everyone. I'm overwhelmed by people taking time to consider my quandary!
    The wedding date was decided before we knew she was pregnant but she didn't know this until a few weeks ago (we only wanted to break our new a few weeks ago). Her first daughter was 3 weeks late and then my sister had to stay in hospital for a month. Because of that I was told they were having a planned caesarian at the start of September this time. Or so I thought until she rang the other day saying I needed to change the date.
    We have provisional bookings with church and venue which are due to be finalised in 2 weeks time. The church is then not available again this year.
    My family is very used to travelling, although I am not trying to say it is the same with kids. But for her wedding another sister had a 6 month old and they travelled further. I'm getting married where we grew up, and it just happens to be ages from anywhere, so we have always travelled. But at least there is family there to stay with. It is a 5 1/2 hour train journey from where they live now.
    I know it will be hard for her, which is why I wanted opinions!
     
  16. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    it doesn't matter when you have the wedding, she'll still have two very small people with her, so it'll be a nightmare anytime.
    don't change your plans. i'm sorry, but to ring someone and say they had to change their wedding day is so incredibly selfish...imo.
     
  17. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thanks, I hear what you're saying. She won't realise it seems selfish though. She is stuck in the baby bubble and thinks my plans are clearly more changeable than hers, which I suppose they are. But we have our reasons for wanting October and it really does suit pretty much everyone else, so I do think in the end we'll stick. I just have to work out how best to break this to her!
     
  18. I've got a baby a similar age to that your sister will have at present - while I'd never dream of asking anyone to change their dates to suit me (although mine arrived nowhere near the expected dates anyway!), the firmest level of acceptance I'd be able to give to any invite wanting us there at this moment in time would have been a maybe.
    It's a long journey - you're only meant to have a baby in those bucket type carseats for an hour or so at a stretch - so the journey you're on about being 5 hours will probably take double that time allowing for extra stops for feeds, changes, getting baby out of the car seat for a bit... and it's still that age where going anywhere is like mobilising a small army - while I'm quite good at getting out and about, lots of mums with similar age babies are still psyching up to tackle a trip to Tesco. We've got a family event to go to next week - 3 hours away - mentally I'm expecting it to take nearer 5 with additional stops, faffing about with carseats and the like... and it's only tentative that we'll be there - depends on how the baby's letting us sleep - I'm not risking a long journey with hubby being tired and potentially zonking out at the wheel.
    But I'd never demand a date was changed to suit us - just the understanding that we might not be able to get there and no bitter recriminations if that happens.
     
  19. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    Thanks. And congrats on your newborn (and good luck with that journey!)
    I guess it's hard for her and me to imagine her not being there.
    How about the idea that they all get a train instead? At least there'd be no carseat, and my sister could move around... or is the thought of a baby screaming for hours on public transport an even worse one?
     
  20. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Agree 100%

     

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