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Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by mmm...Milk, Mar 6, 2019.

  1. mmm...Milk

    mmm...Milk New commenter

    Are there any trans widows out there ?

    Trans widow- women whose life partner / husband who have come out as trans and changed to presenting as female.

    Just looking for support.
  2. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Gosh............that's a toughie.
    Sorry but can't help.
  3. Vince_Ulam

    Vince_Ulam Star commenter

  4. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

  5. Vince_Ulam

    Vince_Ulam Star commenter

    Understandably, in many cases.
  6. Sunnyday50

    Sunnyday50 New commenter

    I'm not in that situation myself, but I have a few friends who have been. They were helped enormously by the fact that our friendship group is very open-minded and had no issues accepting the person's transition, so their social lives and friendships just carried on as before. Their families were also very supportive. I hope that you and your partner have people in your lives who are being helpful and supportive.
    I understand that the various organizations and support groups for transgender people also provide a lot of support for partners and family members, I don't know the names of particular groups but I'm sure if you search online you'll be able to find them.
    For me, having seen friends go through this very successfully with their relationship remaining strong (though in one case no longer as a couple, by mutual decision), the main thing to remember is that your partner is still the same person. They are changing their appearance and the words they use to refer to themself, but they aren't having some kind of personality transplant. I don't know how long you've been aware of their feelings about their gender identity, but it's probably been a part of them for a long time, even if they hadn't consciously realised it themself. It's also really important for both partners to be open about their feelings. If either of you have worries, concerns or uncertainty (which of course you both will have), you need to discuss them and be prepared to hear things from the other person that might be hard for you to deal with. You can get through this together, whether or not you remain a couple - it doesn't have to be some kind of disaster like I bet some of the ridiculously overdramatic threads on Mumsnet would suggest.
  7. mmm...Milk

    mmm...Milk New commenter

    Thanks for your response.
    I can't agree with the just a change of clothes and pro nouns. It's so much more.
    Voicetherapy, they will sound different..
    We all know how hormones effect us, so personality will change.
    Emotions and senses change
    He will be a she, any intimacy would be lesbianism.
    Out look on life will change as they become their preferred gender.

    I appreciate that some couples stay together, but equally,bit shouldn't all be about what the trans person wants.
    vannie, BelleDuJour and Vince_Ulam like this.
  8. Sunnyday50

    Sunnyday50 New commenter

    Totally agreed that it shouldn't just be about what one person wants. But the point is that both partners will still be the same person on the inside as they were before. Things will change externally, but they will still have the same interests, sense of humour and fundamental personality. You may stay together or you may not, but as I said, the key to managing it in a way that is the least distressing or stressful for both partners is mutual communication and respect for each other's feelings, worries and emotions. Best wishes to you both with it all.

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