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Though I was ok

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dogcat, Dec 2, 2011.

  1. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    So I moved into my first house, split up with my boyfriend and then my grandfather passed away. All in 3 weeks, and I thought I was fine with each of the 3 things, and the whole lot together. I had been having some texting banter with a male friend, harmless but a good distraction and now that has dried up and tonight I suddenly feel really low.
    I am far from home, but can't face the drive back there for the weekend and don't really have many people around here.
    Just feel really weird and sad tonight.
     
  2. try reading Lil's handy houselod hints from the start..
     
  3. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    Do one of those jobs on your list helping to make your new house your home. Do something just for you.
     
  4. *hugs*
    We all have those moments and it sounds like you've got a hell of a lot on your plate on top of all that. Is this your first time living alone?
    What I find lifts me out of these moments is making a list of all the self-indulgent things I couldn't do if I didn't live alone (eat half a pack of biscuits, in bed, reading Heat, singing to Lady Gaga and flicking between videos on Youtube) and then do them.
    Or, sad as it seems, I come on here. Facebook can seem horribly lonely (lots of articles about this right now) because everyone seems to be doing Fun Things, whilst here, there's a nice little sense of community and, because we're all anonymous, no one to impress.
     
  5. marmot.morveux

    marmot.morveux New commenter

    It seems to be mostly mothers complaining about their 'teething babies' keeping them awake on my FB at the moment...at least I get a decent night's sleep! Things are never as rubbish as you think they are... This time last year, I was having a dreadful time on the dating front, I was feeling very lonely and unloved... One of the first things I did was to join a choir - I guess you could say that this was me thinking about myself and doing the 'self-indulgent' thing.' it's the best thing I ever did. I've met loads of people. I find that when you're dating, there is a tendency to become very insular as a couple, but when I was single, I went to the pub after school, and I met several good friends, who I still see now. One year on I'm with someone else, but if we ever split up - I hate saying that because I don't want to jinx things - I still have friends to socialise with, and have the choir which takes up a considerable amount of my time. I have no time to worry about life. I'm not being arrogant and saying, 'yay, yay, I have a fantastic life,' I refuse to take it for granted, but I'd just like to tell you that you'll get through this....when you're feeling up to it, think about taking a step like joining an evening class, a club, the gym, something that will get you out there and concentrating on your own happiness. I hope this helps....
    MM
     
  6. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Thanks, woke up far too early this morning! I have started going to the gym more and I have branched out a little socially. Not really anyone I can socilise with at work. I ended up joing a dating site late last night, when I changed my mind and tried to delete my profile it said I had to be a member 24 hrs first!
     
  7. marmot.morveux

    marmot.morveux New commenter

    Just change your photo to something neutral for the moment - I have random photos of cuddly toys for this purpose! - you might fancy doing the dating thing later on once you've had some time to 'heal' from the the ex.
     
  8. Morning dogcat.

    You have had a lot on your plate and it's not wonder that you have felt so weird and sad last night. The texts were just a distraction from "reality" and gave you the opportunity not to think about what has happened to you.They served a purpose and got you through a tough time and now you are having to look at what your life is like and what you can do to make it more how you want it to be.

    Glad to hear you are going to go to the gym a bit more and I like MM's advice about joining a club (choir may or may not be your thing). The dating agency needn't be a bad idea - I would tread carefully though as it's so soon since you split from your ex but again if it just serves to distract you from things you aren't happy with then why not give it a whirl.

    Have a good weekend.
     
  9. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Thanks, I have no photo on there and doubt I will out one on. Think I just feel weird now that my text friend has twindled. All my friends are busy this weekend, and I don't want to drive home to day and then bakc tomorrow having seen my mum really upset and stuff.
    Want to stay here but that means no one up here to do anything with really, hopefully going shopping with my local friend tomorrow.
    My ex despite his claims of not wanting to split up and repeatedly telling me it is not over has made no real effort other than to ask if I wanted him to come round after my grandad had died. Actions speak louder than words, and I feel that his just prove that I was a mug to move 70 miles from home. Although I do now have a job in a good school and my own home and stuff.
     
  10. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    Do you like baking? Or cooking in general? If so, join us on the cookery thread, there are lots of friendly people and you can spend the weekend making meals for when you're busy, lots of advice for that. Bake some cakes to take into work on Monday, always appreciated.
    What about decorating a room, or just planning it, go to a shop or DIY centr and look at wallpaper and paint samples, ditto carpet samples.
    Make a christmas cake, bit late but stick in loads of booze and it'll be OK.
    Revamp your wardrobe, through out things you don't wear, look around for new things.
    Weed your garden and plan a herb and vegetable patch.
    Read some of the books you've been planning to read.
    Take a friend's dog for a walk.
    I'll try to think of more, but I'm on my own for most of the time due to o/h's work and I'm quite often on facebook for a chat.
     
  11. Don't ignore how you feel. I know, unfortunately, that working through situations and thinking that everything is fine can come back at you and hit you hard when you least expect it.
    Sounds as though you've had more than your fair share of things to deal with recently and you've probably been carried along on adrenaline or something. Any one of the things you've had to deal with would be enough to make anyone feel low, let along the three of them.
    My advice, for what it's worth, would be to be very kind to yourself and let other people be very kind to you too. Speak to your friends and family and tell them how you feel and let them carry you through it as much as they want to. If you carry on feeling this low then go to your GP. Don't leave it (like I did) because you are worth looking after.
    Oh, and don't take too much on whilst you're feeling like this, have a gentle and kind life until you feel stronger.

    (Just realised just what a flippin' hypocrite I am because if I'd have taken the advice I've given you I probably wouldn't be in a right old mess right now!)
     
  12. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    There is some decorating that needs doing in my house, spare room would be a good place to experiment with my first go at painting. Just needs to be a cheap endeavour as I am a little cash strapped after buying and furnishing my house!

    I like the cookery idea too, might take a look at that forum. Currently need to get out of bed first!
     
  13. You'll be fine, sure you've heard it before but time heals... I moved half way around the world when I left my husband in Oz... didn't know anyone in the UK, this was three years ago. I then met someone and bought a flat in Wales where I did a PGCE to fill the time in as I couldn't get a job without QTS in Wales (I was teacher trained in Oz). At the end of it I had to move to the middle of the UK to get a job which I love, after 12 months there I am now head of department and doing my MA in a subject related course (rather than just a MA in education). My OH that I moved to Wales to be with is back in Wales, living in my flat, finishing his degree. So currently (from Sept) until June next year I am on my own. I don't socialise with school people nor have joined any clubs etc but I am busy enough with looking after myself, my rented house and doing my studies... I wouldn't have the time to do anything else. I can only wish I had the time to go to the gym or do the gardening... Next fortnight I have too much to do... have to do my tutor group's assembly for them (or it wont get done), go out to dinner with them for our end of year Tutor Group Dinner, finish my uni assignment, go to staff Christmas party (alone - just the way I like it, my ex-husband refused to hang out with teachers, one of the reasons he is in Oz and I am in the UK), go to Faculty dinner, go to school Carols session and after drinks to say good bye to a leaving member of staff and have the Christmas lunch thing on the last day of term... I am a very social person, I am a massive extrovert but seriously loving my time to myself.. I know this post was a little self indulgent but... one day you might look back and think damn, I wish I had that free time again, I just can't keep up with my busy social calendar...
     

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