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Things You Would Never Hear A Supply Teacher Say

Discussion in 'Supply teaching' started by Gold1996, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. "Where's Wayne? He's just been through my sonic transmogrifier and he's now the third hamster in the hamster cage. I'm not called planetx for nothing."
  2. yes you're totally right it would be good if 6 inches of snow fell overnight so i can have another unpaid day off
  3. Yes Tom Leonard's "The 6 o'clock news" written in a broad Glaswegian dialect is perfect cover work for this group of year 8s who have nearly all recently arrived in North London from Kabul and Mogadishu.
  4. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    "Why on Earth should you tell me about a room change? My arriving 15 minutes late for their lesson isn't going to make things any more difficult is it?"
  5. A few years ago, one agency phoned me at 8.35am to tell me they had work for me that day in School A. I didn't recognise the name, so asked where it was. Taunton apparently. I live in Swindon. So I pointed this out - "oh, but Swindon is in Wiltshire and Wiltshire isn't far from Taunton...." Oh, they wanted me there for 8.45!!! I politely suggested they check the map and get the Harrier Jump Jet ready!!!
  6. "What a fun idea. Change the numbering of the rooms but don't update the map you've given me or put the new numbers on the classroom doors."
    pepper5 likes this.
  7. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Keys? Who needs keys! I'll just teleport everyone into the classroom so they can continue their pushing, shoving and insults behind closed (and locked) doors and you won't blame me for the uproar that ensued when they saw me, an unknown teacher, walking down the corridor towards them.
    pepper5 likes this.
  8. "He accuses me of calling him what?" But I don't speak Gujarati."
    pepper5 likes this.
  9. "Yes, of course I will happily referee this Yr11 mob in what could either be described as a game of football or a gang fight. Having never played or even watched a full game in my life won't be a problem, I'll just sit back and watch events unfold"
    pepper5 likes this.
  10. Student: "Is your first name Sherlock?"
    Me: "No, my first name is not Sherlock"
    Student: "Oh"
    Me: "But, he was my grandfather"
    Student: "Really?"
    Me: "No, Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character from a book"
    (Followed by much laughter directed at student who said "really?")
    It works every time.
  11. Or what about things that supply teachers do say!
    To the head: "You have the option, either I work with that class or XXX (little unmentionable of a child) is with that class. I refuse to teach them if he is there" (XXX was removed to another class and I remained with original class for the rest of the year, having been the 5th teacher in the first term!)
    To the secretary on my final day: "I am only willing to come again if XXX (one of powers that be) is not in school" (Secretary fully understood me!)
    To the class: "You are so badly behaved that I refuse to teach you again this term."
    To the cover supervisor and senior teacher: "Class XXX is so badly behaved that I refuse to teach them again this term. What did you offer next week? Class XXX, no I will not come in." (I was given another class instead)
    To class YYY: "You lot will spend break sitting silently to make up for the noise you made, whilst I sit here having my coffee and chocolate cake" (I knew that there was chocolate cake in the staff room and the TA fetched it for me so that I could be obviously enjoying myself!! - despite the fact that I do not usually have cake a break time!)

  12. I love this. I now carry around white stickers and cover up my first name with Mrs, which of course leads to- "of course I'm not married I just write Mrs to make myself feel loved"
    pepper5 likes this.
  13. Since when??
  14. SexyMouse

    SexyMouse New commenter

    Of course I'm looking forward to having a day off for the Royal Wedding, paying for it on top of my own wedding a couple of weeks beforehand, as well as paying for my new car as my old one had finally died!
  15. The agency I'm with still have them!
  16. when I was a permanent teacher I made the mistake of thinking supply teachers were paid for old rope - now I know I get paid peanuts and never know if I'm going to be treated like a twit or an experienced teacher!
    pepper5 likes this.
  17. sorry about the double post, i meant the christmas party post, tried to qupte it but it didnt work!
  18. Well, I figure that's three children with SEN, two with ADHD, one passive-aggressive, one with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, one with Asperger's, one whose father has just left and one with an acute bowel problem.
    No really, I prefer not to be told beforehand - it's so much more fun trying to work it out for myself.
  19. Oh wow, how many poster lessons have I had??
  20. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    "You've done 'design a Christmas card' in every other lesson today? Well that means you've had plenty of practise and you'll enjoy this lesson even more then."

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