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The what would you choose thread.....

Discussion in 'Entertainment' started by finday, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. asnac

    asnac Established commenter

    Neither right now thanks but red if I have to.

    You go to a restaurant with your line manager and two of your colleagues for a birthday meal and you see David Beckham and call out to him across the restaurant that no matter how important he thinks he is, it's not acceptable that he parked in the disabled bay. And he comes across and calmly explains that you probably didn't notice but the car has a disabled badge, and it's not his car but his great-aunt's, and he has driven this frail old lady to the restaurant as they come here once a year on the anniversary of her late husband's death, and that this is probably the last time as she's likely to die herself this year, and that he understands that you might feel mortified but actually it is infuriating when people do take advantage of disabled spaces, as some do (though not him ever) and he understands that it was actually quite hard for you to challenge a celebrity about it even though some might have said you should just have come and had a quiet word with him to ascertain the facts before leaping to conclusions, nevertheless he applauds your courage, and will pay for your meal and that of your colleagues and send over a bottle of champagne to show no hard feelings, and sign everyone's table napkins.
    You go to the same restaurant with the same people but DB isn't there and you have a nice meal and go home again.
    ShowerGel likes this.
  2. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    The David Beckham one - hands down of course.
    Love him
    Have you listened to him on Desert island Discs?

    Poo in your pants but it doesn’t show through and you manage to get to a public loo in time to remove it and carry on shopping with your family
    Wee in your pants and it shows wet on you trousers so, at your daughter’s suggestion you enter a public loo to dry everything on the hand dryer?
  3. asnac

    asnac Established commenter

    Oh Showergel :rolleyes: - well, I suppose wetting is less messy, so that.

    You are having a nice cup of tea in the kitchen when the doorbell rings and the Tesco delivery man and the manager of the local superstore are at the door. They ask whether you have still got a tin of kidney beans with the barcode 7894763957873912 as this is a particularly important tin to them and they would very much appreciate its return, and will give you (here they show you a heavy box) this box of 'Tesco Best' groceries as well as a £50 in-store voucher, to apologise for the trouble to which they have put you.

    You say (truthfully) that you recently gave a number of tins to the collection for homeless vicars, but you might still have that particular tin of kidney beans. If they can just wait a moment...

    You go to the cupboard. The tin is there, with the barcode they mentioned. You pick it up. You shake it. Whatever's inside definitely isn't kidney beans. It rattles.

    Do you
    a) give them the tin, enjoy the gifts, and never know what it was they wanted so badly?
    b) say terribly sorry, it must have gone to the homeless vicars, wish I could help - and after they have gone, open the tin and find out what it contains?
  4. lardylady

    lardylady Star commenter

    Ooh how exciting! I would definitely keep the tin and open it.

    Having opened the tin, you find a key and a map with x marking the spot or a solid gold kidney bean?
  5. asnac

    asnac Established commenter

    Well, I will choose the key and map.

    The key is a door key. The map shows part of the countryside about fifteen miles away. You drive there. The X marks the place of a hut at the end of a short path, with a sign that says 'Private. Secret. Access only by permission of His Lordship.'

    Nearby is a large stately home.

    Do you try to unlock the hut door with the key, or call at the stately home?
  6. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    Try to unlock the door with the key

    Inside is a maiden weeping.
    She says she is being kept there as his Lordship's bit on the side and that if you can find her true love Alphonse, who must be desperate to find her, I will be rewarded in fabulous ways I could never imagine but have to cross a fast flowing river first as Alphonse lives on the other side in a red teepee which I could not miss it is so bright.
    "His Lordship will be here any moment," she cries "And he carries a large rifle at all times. Quick - you must go now for I don't want your death on my conscience."
    Do you
    a) Go to find Alphonse immediately.
    b) Hide behind the hut and listen to the goings on when his Lordship arrives minutes later to gauge the lie of the land?
  7. asnac

    asnac Established commenter

    Hide behind the hut.

    You hear His Lordship arriving and slamming the door.
    You eavesdrop on this conversation.
    "Now, I hear that you are still enamoured of this Alphonse. I regret that it is time to deal with him. I know that he swings from tree to tree to get here across the fast-flowing river, and I have placed an explosive device in the apple tree that lies between his teepee and this hut. I will now kiss you brutally and passionately, and then afterwards poke you with a knitting needle to make you scream. As you scream, then spurred by his foolish love and pity he will come hurtling through the woods and will be blown to pieces above us. Ha ha."
    "No! No!" cries the maiden. "You must not do this evil thing!"
    "Ha ha! Now, just one kiss, my pretty."

    Do you
    Surprise His Lordship by bursting in on him and attempting to seize his rifle and the knitting needle, in the hope that you can prevent the maiden screaming?
    Rush into the woods and try to warn Alphonse of His Lordship's evil scheme?
  8. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    Surprise His Lordship

    On entering the hut you quickly stuff your socks into the maiden's mouth and grab His Lordship by the throat thus compromising his breathing. Hauling him towards the river holding the gun to his head your intention is to drown him in the flowing rapids but suddenly you are grabbed from behind and the rifle is snatched from your hand.
    The stranger, who you now realise is Alphonse, ties your hands to His Lordship's and leaves you both to die as a torrential storm begins. Water overflows from the river and reaches your waists. You see Alphonse riding a stallion with the maiden astride too.

    If you were Alphonse would you
    a) Leave you and His Lordship to drown
    b) Tie you and HL to the back of the horse and gallop off dragging you both to be tried at the Crown Court for keeping a maiden captive - for Alphonse does not know yet who is to blame...
  9. asnac

    asnac Established commenter

    Leave us to drown. Serve you (me?) right for such unnecessary aggression.

    Alphonse rides with his love to IKEA as she wants to furnish the castle he's promised to build her.

    If you were Alphonse would you
    a) Follow her around as she chooses furniture which you know you will have to load on the horse which will be quite a hassle, and also make from flatpack once you've built the castle.
    b) Say you're just going to get a hot dog from the cafe as you're starving after all that riding and drowning people, and instead ride the stallion into the night to find a less demanding partner.
  10. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    b) ride off to find someone less demanding

    On leaving IKEA you gallop towards Central London marveling at its vastness and, feeling exhausted, you leap off your horse right outside a beautiful narrow boat moored at the confluence of the River Lee and majestic Thames.
    Flinging open the boat's door you clap eyes on a beautiful woman (with whom you fall instantly in love) lying in the arms of a man and jealousy consumes you as never before.
    Do you
    a) Drag the woman onto your tethered horse and gallop off to your native country with her as she declares her love for you
    b) Tell the bloke there is an emergency 10 boats down (all boaters support each other) to which he dashes off. The woman takes one look at you and declares her love so you quickly change the locks and live together in the boat and the bloke has to leave as she no longer loves him?

    N.B Throughout this story 'you' refers to Alphonse

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