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The perfect murder plot.....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by catmother, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    The Scottish woman should have guessed that any buying of a rural property by an incomer will involve neighbours who live on the fringe of the law and fall short of an idealic idea of the countryside.
     
  2. Most of the neighbouring properties are farmers... and really lovely.... and have been really helpful with farming advice etc...
    It's just rather unfortunate that the only immediate (next door neighbours) are mad fokkers....
    There are some lovely musicians on the road
    And then thses mad b@zt@ards with guns and trail bikes that the other neighbours are also annoyed with, but don't actually do anything about....
    Our protaganist actually called the police help line earlier for advice... they offered to send a car around... given that it's an out of the way rural road, the protaganist (being new to the area) figured out that the villains would guess that it was her, so she decided to do nothing......
    But is still plotting ways to destroy... anyone else got ideas for the general plot?

     

  3. Scottish woman gets a gun, a trail bike and a bad case of insomnia?
     
  4. Scottish woman not sure how to get illegal gun
    Scottish woman is considering borrowing her OH"s land cruiser with HUGE bull bar, and just taking it out onto the road the next time the little focker's are out on their trail bikes, in the hope that one of them will run into aforesaid bull bar...
    Would that be considered as pre-meditated murder?
     
  5. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Land mines on their usual biking route and ground traps filled with canetoads.
    Have they got a separate water supply? Do a Dead Mans Shoes on them with huge quantities of LSD.

    *Bethannie's post was hugely enjoyable, what a vivid and wicked imagination you have*

     
  6. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Take out their powerlines on a regular basis, assuming you have a head for heights and can shimmy up a telegraph pole and back down again in under the time it takes to load and aim a shotgun.
     
  7. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I still think hiring an assassin (a la other thread) is the way forward.
     
  8. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Oh oh, I've got another one . . . . . string up garotte wire across their normal bike routes and plead complete ignorance when the polis come knocking.
    Send them a dirty bomb through the post.
     
  9. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    Shall I ask around for you next time I go to Beirut, sure I can get a couple of AK47's for a couple of bottles of scotch.
     
  10. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Wait until they go on holiday and then burn their house down.
     
  11. Oh, this has crossed my mind several times!!!! As well as the trip wire!
     
  12. Oh, like this idea..... what sort would they prefer?
     
  13. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    It's a shame you dropped that box of nails you were carrying up the lane to mend your fence.
     
  14. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    .... but lucky that all the other neighbours/lane users weren't out in their vehicles at the time.
     
  15. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Scottish woman should set a trap with herself as the bait. She should stand on the only firm bit of ground in the local treacherous grimpen mire and lure said youths towards her with an exotic dance involving the flashing of her ample charms. The lust-struck youths will ride their bikes into the mire and sink without a trace in a huge brown bubble never to be seen again. Scottish woman can then get her kit back on and leg it back home to her cosy retreat before anyone sees what's happened. Later that week the local press will report a tragic accident.
     
  16. Scottish woman, homesick for the mother country, practices caber tossing in field adjoining lane. Scottish woman, unfortunately, not very good at caber tossing - oops.
    Or...

    Scottish woman, homesick for mother country, takes to wandering up and down country lane playing bagpipes. Offenders move house - or, if you want a grisly ending, throw themselves into pit containing poisonous cane toads to escape noise.

     
  17. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    It won't be long now.....
    Mysterious accident causes demise of irritating yobs.....
    Australian police receive anonymous tip-off....
    Scottish Woman is arrested....
    British/German woman gets to keep Gibbs forever,,,
    No, not long at all....I can be patient!
     
  18. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Homesick Scottish woman takes to baking scones and clootie dumpling for the neighbours, which she lovingly places in a basket on their doorstep, it's just a shame that a tin of arsenic was knocked over by Nessie, the contents spilling into the mixing bowl.
     
  19. Behtannie..... you are truly evil!!!!!!!
     
  20. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    It's one of my more endearing qualities!
     

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