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The laws of primary schools

Discussion in 'Primary' started by consonant, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. left handed scissors either double in number and eat up the right handed pairs or disappear within a term
    putting your bottom on a chair after breaktime means you automatically need the toilet
    there is always a spare remote and it works none of the devices but jumps into your hand first so that you spend 5 minutes achieving nothing!
    visitors are attracted to panic- in the same way that cats always go to people who hate them- and will arrive at the precise moment that the lesson takes a nosedive
  2. there is always one pupil who will spend hours sharpening a pencil by the bin
    the one time you send the hypercondriac child away is the time they chose to be violently sick
    there are always six single gloves and one item of non school uniform in the lost property box
    the child with the fussiest parents is always the one who gets hurt in bizarre accidents
    there is always one pupil per class who will observe your lessons better than any OFTED inspector and tell you immediately if you ever slip up
  3. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    Many years ago I had a TA who complained bitterly that the staple gun always ran out of staples when you were using it ....but then it was hardly likely to run out when you weren't using it.
  4. megsie

    megsie New commenter

    At any given moment there will always be one child with a finger up their nose
    There will always be a good selection of expensive coats in lost property
  5. greta444

    greta444 New commenter

    The boiler always beaks down on the coldest day of the year.
    The photocopier will only have 3 sheets of paper in the drawer.
  6. Or the pesky thing will know when you are rushed off your feet and jam on every single copy.
  7. In that same moment, there will always be at least one child who believes it to be their mission in life to tell you vital information, such as, "Miiiiiissss, Fred has taken his jumper off!"
  8. Joi

    Joi New commenter

    If anyone comes in to your lesson to observe, without knowing any of the children, they will make a beeline for the member of the class with the fewest brain cells, and ask them questions about what they are learning.
  9. titus4t

    titus4t New commenter

    The space available in the church or hall for an assembly or performance is always slightly smaller than you needl, no matter how many or how few children you have
  10. When the school has visitors like the Theatre who want volunteers to help them ALWAYS choose the naughtiest kids !.
    The IWB will ALWAYS freeze in an monitoring lesson.
    Someone in your class will be caught running down the corridor by the Head with the most important visitor of the year being shown around and that child caught running doesn't even run on sports day normally.
    Your class decides to the loudest class, the most off task class in the entire school when above visitor is brought into your class.
  11. The child with the fewest lines in the school play will have a parent who occupies the front row on both nights of the play, having "acquired" extra tickets for several family members - who will also come on both nights.They will also bring several toddlers who they will allow to call out to the sibling on the stage or attempt to "quieten" by giving them a bunch of keys or a packet of crisps
  12. Just when they are all on task and actively engaged, a visitor walks in and completely distracts them.
    Or - when they are all on task and actively engaged in an outstanding lesson, absolutely no one comes into see you on a "learning walk".
  13. CarrieV

    CarrieV Lead commenter

    You're on your feet all day racing round the classroom to chivvy children along/break up fights/"facilitate learning" and as soon as you sit down the Head walks in!
  14. beethan31

    beethan31 New commenter

    I love threads like this! [​IMG]
    The magnifying glasses must be scratched.
    The carrots delievered by healthy schools must go mushy and stink.
    Only 3 calculators in your classroom must work. You will not need any for the other 24 kids in your class.
    Whiteboard pens MUST disappear even though there was one for every child an hour ago in the last lesson.
    Children must be the bearers of pointless random information (but ya gotta love 'em for it!!)
    There must be AT LEAST one new initiative/focus/whole school 'push' per term. AT LEAST.
    One child in your class must have an ice pack attached to a part of their body at some point during the day.
  15. Everytime you mark a book, there seems to be an extra 2 added to your to-do pile.
    Every so often you get a random burst of children putting numbers back to front, for no reason at all.
    Your first name is a MASSIVE secret.
    There is always at least one child that takes being helpful to a new level.
    When you need to write a note, THERE IS NEVER A PEN AROUND!
    There is always 1 child sat without a book whilst the entire class is silent reading.
  16. When all the pens are back in the tray, at least one must have their lid missing.
    If a child has long hair, then someone must insist on playing with it when they are sat on the carpet.
    If something goes wrong with the computer, all the children must offer technical support despite you having used computers since before they were born.
    When you are doing a topic, at least one child in the class must be totally and utterly into that topic and will tell you all about it.


  17. The internet must be down on the day that you have planned to use it in every lesson.

    The head must only do a "drop in" observation when things are going pear shaped.
    You must stay on good terms with the caretaker even if he is a grumpy so and so.
    The aforementioned caretaker will suddenly become most friendly, and hang about for a chat, on the days when you have most to set up.
    The day you pop down to the stock cupboard for anything, is the day when the last gluestick/whiteboard pen/green biro has been taken.

  18. Judging by today's experience....
    It is the law that anything in a school remotely technological will not work, despite how much of your time you waste trying to get it to work.
    When you are at your most frustrated, another seemingly-innocent technological device will show itself. It will not work either.
    Repeat several times. [​IMG]
  19. JCA_1989

    JCA_1989 New commenter

    At least 3 children will have 'lost' their whiteboard pen in every lesson, no matter how many new ones they may have received that week!!!!
    Seriously, I think my class eat them!
  20. There must be absolutely NO pens in the staff room at any time!

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