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The \I can't have kids"Support Group"""

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by slippeddisc, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. scottishgypsy

    scottishgypsy New commenter

    Hang on sparkling. Four miscarriages early and one later, and what tests has your doctor given you? Any genetic tests carried out? IM me for further details if you like.
     
  2. Hello Scottishgypsy. Good choice of name. : ) I've only had blood tests so far to look at hormone levels, and I should be having a scan to look for fibroids soon. I had one for an unrelated issue a while ago and that didn't show anything so I don't know whether that will have changed.
    I only just decided to get 'help' as it were. I felt weirdly ashamed for some reason, like I was faulty, so I've only recently been able to begin to talk to my doctor properly. She's lovely, but it's such a hard thing to discuss, and I don't know why I find it so hard. I think it's because I'm kind of used to just getting on with things, and this is like admitting that I can't, but I've started everything rolling at least. Hope you're well,
    S.
     
  3. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Hi there. Hope everyone is ok.
    I was just looking for some advice. I am in the early days of a relationship and don't know when to tell him about not being able to have children. He is lovely but I know he really wants children within about 5 years. His mum is quite traditional so I think she will have a big problem with it and he is very close to her. I don't want to tell him too soon but I also don't want to keep it a secret otherwise it doesn't give him a chance to move on if he wants to.
    I totally relate to the above post.
     
  4. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    I've always managed to tell people in the very early days before it came important so I can't really advise!
    I think being open, blunt and honest are probably the way to go - he needs to know what the situation is rather than having to put 2+2 together for himself. As for when to do it - when the conversation next turns that way? There are many ways in, even if it's via safe sex, past relationships or other people with kids.
    Good luck - let us know (cos it'll help me too!)
    xxx

     
  5. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Thanks appreciate your thoughts. I will keep you posted. I would be gutted if it becomes an issue. I really like this one!
     
  6. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    If it becomes an issue, he's not the man you thought he was.
     
  7. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Very true!
     
  8. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    He left me.
     
  9. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter


    Oh my God. Are you ok?

    PM if you want! xxx
     
  10. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Hello
    Having a bit of a [​IMG] day. Went to see the gynae today - he wants to help me, but it's now or never, and I'm not really in the right situation at the moment. I know the timing is never perfect, but... but... but!!!!

    Argh!
     
  11. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Thinking of you Lil. Hope you're ok. Things are always so tough aren't they...why can't things be easy!
     
  12. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Hello all.

    Is anyone out there still?
     
  13. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Still here! Are you ok?
     
  14. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Yeah.
    Beginning to give up hope again, that's all!
     
  15. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Take each day as it comes. I have had a few dark days too but in general pretty good right now. Please let me know if you want to talk.
    I am once again leaning towards adoption as a single person. I had completely discounted it but I have had a child in care in my class recently and it has prompted me to re think it. I need a few years to get my finances settled though.
     
  16. PeggyG

    PeggyG New commenter

    Really need somewhere to get this off my chest - maybe then I'll stop stewing over it. I had fertility treatment ten years ago. My headteacher at the time was so unsympathetic. She really begrudged me having any time off whatsoever. I told her about the treatment in confidence as I felt she needed to know; the next thing I knew was everyone on the staff offering me 'Don't worry it will happen' statements. The HT had told everyone. I used to have treatment (we had IUI) in the morning and was expected to drive back to school and teach in the afternoon. The HT made my life a misery.
    Now, we have a new HT and another member of staff is having fertility treatment. The HT lets this member of staff have as much time off as she needs and is really supportive.
    I am struggling as the contrast between how I was treated and how the current member of staff is treated couldn't be more different.
    Our treatment didn't work and we have now resigned ourselves to being childless (we are in our 40s). We try to look at the positives: early retirement; we can go out whenever we like without getting a babysitter; no teenage tantrums, etc but there is still a gap in our lives.
    I am really trying hard not to be bitter, but it is really getting me down.
     
  17. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    I actually had to give up my job because of my infertility. It was such a stressful place to work and over time my confidence in my ability was completely eroded, definitely compounded by my anxiety over being unable to conceive. I was very low and became ill, especially as my school were unwilling to support me.
    It's a different HT and that's why your colleague is having such a different experience - I understand that it must bring back very painful memories. Your colleague has just been luckier than you or I.
    My experience is far more recent than yours - I haven't even had treatment yet but I have been forced onto supply.
    I wonder if counselling might help you as you're understandably angry about your past treatment.
     
  18. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

  19. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    It's been a while since anyone checked in so I just want to say hi to anyone still reading. Here if anyone needs an ear.
     
  20. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter


    I'm still here. How are you?
     

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