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The \I can't have kids"Support Group"""

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by slippeddisc, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    Hi - just found this thread....can I join please...

    I would love a family. I always wanted a big, big family. My gran had 13 kids, I'm one of 7....all my siblings have children, my brother has 6. And I can't have any.

    I've been told not to try. I could probably get pregnant but not carry the baby to term or if I did manage that, I carry genetic conditions that I am likely to pass on to children.

    Is it selfish to ask - why me?!All my siblings have had children and I can't. Where is the justice in that. I'm a Christian and know that everything is in God's hands - but I would love Him to tell me why, if I can't have children, has He given me an over-sized maternal instinct.

    Some days, the pain of knowing I will never have children is physical. I know that some of you reading this will understand that. Some days people, family usually, tell me how great I am to accept my fate and that I am a terrific auntie. Well, I DON'T accept it! Yes I'm a great auntie, but I want to be a mum too! Some days I want to lose my well-known tolerance and just hit the next person who tells me there's more to life than being a mum - or worse, that I'm actually lucky to be childless.

    I don't have a partner at the moment. And I'm getting older every day....so even a longed for miracle isn't likely.But I still dream...and then I come back to reality and have a quiet sob.

    Hugs to all on this thread and thanks to OP for giving us a thread where we can drop the false smile and admit how much we hurt.

  2. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

  3. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    you have mail slippeddisc.
  4. Hello all,
    I can understand a tiny bit of your pain. I have one daughter but cannot have any more as it would probably kill me. Even though I am very lucky to have my daughter I have experienced some of your upset about not being able to have more children. Insensitive people ask when i'm having my next and I still have a deep longing for another child. I know I have one, I appreicate just how lucky I am, but wanted you to know that I understand a little.
    Take care and cyber hugs,
  5. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    Had a bit of a rough day yesterday.

    I was talking to some people I didn't know very well. they mentioned that they were moving, to be near the grandchildren. They were so happy. They're both retired, and were simply saying that their grandchildren were a delight. The've brought such joy to their grandparents.

    I know thet didn't intend to hurt me. They don't even know I can't have kids. But I just excused myself and went and sat in the bathroom and cried for a few minutes.

    I'll never give my lovely mum any grandchildren. Yes, she's got grandchildren - from every one of my siblings. But I'll never be able to bless her in that way.

    It's not fair. Somedays, life sucks.
  6. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    The comments that mean "Aren't children great" are the ones that hurt the most. They can come from anywhere, usually when you least expect it.

  7. Can I come and join you all?
    Just watched the Empty Arms slideshow that someone posted on here a while back and sobbed most of the way through.
  8. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Course you can chicken!!!

  9. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Everywhere I go there are children. Everywhere I go there are pregnant mums holding their precious bumps (there were 3 surrounding me in the checkouts in asda today - looking like they were blooming). Another of my friends is due in a week. Life bleeds you dry and spits you back out.
  10. Can I join? I think I'm ready to admit that I can't have kids. I can get pregnant, but I can't carry me own baby (apologies lil, you know this).

  11. Aparently I can't type either...that's meant to read *my
  12. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Hi Sheepy

  13. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    3, yes, 3 people asked me today when/if I was going to have a baby.... GRRRRRR
  14. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    How is everyone doing? I've had 2 more friends have babies in the space of a week. It's never ending.
  15. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    I think I am beginning to accept that actually I do want children... moreover I want to be part of a family.

    I'm tired of my "I am independent and I live on my own and I don't need anybody! streak.

    My summer revolved around the schedules of other people's children... depressing.
  16. Got engaged recently everybodys comment seems to be 'congratulations, won't be long before you are starting a family'

    Not able to have a family ' naturally' might and i stress might be able to have some with assistance from god knows what chemicals. I have idiopathic hypogonadism hypogonadotropism- just wondered if there was anybody else out there with it?

    Hate not having children, big maternal instinct,

    makes me cry, some friends too sensitive though
  17. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    My doctor told me on Monday that there are new treatments and techniques meaning that it is now potenitally possible for me to conceive.

    Oh the emotions... I'm not sure I would ever dare try.
  18. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Oh my goodness Lilac. That is big news. Only you can decide what your future holds and no matter what, it'll be the right decision for you. Best wishes. Just remember you don't need to make any decisions quickly.

  19. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    This thread is still getting in the region of 10 views a day - so here is post 100.

    Let's have some more posts... the viewing shows that people are needing this thread!
  20. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Thanks for upping this.

    How's everyone going at the moment?

    I am feeling much happier and stronger this year but everytime I see a baby I still feel gutted. I am beginning to feel more and more maternal and I want to take some of the poor soles in my class home! It kills me some days but I'm fine on other days. I would really like to stop these ups and down but don't really want to start councelling or anything as I'm afraid that if I ever want to adopt councelling might affect my chances.

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